The table was cold under my hot forehead the fumes were emanating from my mouth into my nose as my sweaty skin pressed on the dark desktop, more like a table that sat two, my arms were rapped around my head it was dark I just wanted to sleep drift in drunkenness the fumes were Listeriney in scent and the sweat dripped it from my pores, “get up and say the pledge” he yelled it was the beginning of the school day, I refused by not moving I never heard you, I’m asleep. the voice got louder the claw came and grabbed the pressure point between my neck and shoulder pulling me to my feet the pain carried me up, death glare into his eyes I could see him enjoy the power that he always wielded the father figure that I never should have had, he was the surrogate father that I never wanted and yet he tried to be overpowering and dad like; ((present) is he fu$%&ing me up making me a poor father, I won’t let him I hope, I can’t let him). You crap-bag piece of sheet I would say the pledge of allegiance for you really fu---ing loud so loud that the others kids in class would look and wonder what is he doing I PLEDGE ALLIGANCE TO THE FLAG OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA TO THE REPUBLIC FOR WHICH IT STANDS ONE NATION UNDER GOD WITH LIBERTY AND JUSTICE FOR ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That’s right liberty and justice for all my
great-less history teacher my coach of shame and manipulation how about you practice what you preach sadistic rapist, stare you down see the hate see the fire in my eyes my inner being ripping your tearless eyes out of your head grasping your scrotum and crushing them into jelly I will destroy you with my power I will destroy you with my hate I will shout so loud at you that you will think your own name is a thunderclap and your feces will drip from you when I speak it LAMORTE LAMORTE LAMORTE!!!LLLLLLLLLLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMMMOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH RRRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
the tremors of rage, tearing eyes the lips pulling back to reveal my fangs run from me asshole you should be scared for the demon you planted inside me is growing and soon your soul will be mine to feast upon. Tell me to say the pledge, fuck you and your control tactics I know what they are just let me escape them If only you would let me escape them I wouldn’t have to have turned into and become what I am today or what I was then.

William,

I remember you saying in your first post that you had killed the child within you in order to cope. I know many of us think that's true, but myself, I kind of doubt it now. I think all of us preserve that little boy, but hesitate to let him speak or feel because of the painful message he will bring us. But that's the path to healing. Once these feelings are out then the kid can also express who he really is and what he needs - as an innocent defenseless victim.

Doing this takes strength and courage, but I think we all have that too. We always did and we always will. Perhaps we need support and encouragement to find, trust and use those resources, and that's where others can help us.

Much love,
Larry

((William))

I feel your pain. Keep talking, we're listening.

Peace and love...

Michael