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#245177 - 08/17/08 12:10 PM Re: Drugs, Complaints, and Those Who Use Them [Re: Stretch73]
ineffable Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/08
Posts: 1371
Loc: state of holeecrapdood
Having been invited to shake & stir...
Sexiness is usually in the eye of the beholder
But more often the mind of the beholdee

To me, any reason to enter into recovery starts the process, however...

doing it for my 5'6" studstroopie (I like shorter men cuz they try harder...lol)
can allow me the "luxury of denial" which delays my recovery.
"I am doing it because I love him" rather than "I am doing it because I am needing to for myself"
I might spend more time expounding on how great I am doing instead of how much pain I am in because I am trying to
prove something to someone else & myself too.

I don't know you stretch
but dialoguing with you this way is a good start

C

_________________________
:: "Anyone who can handle a needle convincingly can make us see a thread which is not there" ::


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#245179 - 08/17/08 12:15 PM Re: Drugs, Complaints, and Those Who Use Them [Re: ineffable]
Stretch73 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/27/08
Posts: 336
Loc: Sea Isle City, NJ
I'm sure, Ineffable. I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't on this site. I can proclaim that my mind is what brought me here. It would be a lie, but I suppose other people would feel more comfortable about it. I'm not an "other people" type of guy. Sorry, but it's true! I care only about myself and the few people on this earth that I love. Yes! You guessed it! I am a self-centered, selfish bastard, but it's hardly a revelation.

Shake and stir that!

_________________________
"I was so poor growing up, that if I wasn't born a boy, I wouldn't have had anything to play with." Rodney Dangerfield

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#245180 - 08/17/08 12:18 PM Re: Drugs, Complaints, and Those Who Use Them [Re: feelingafraid]
Stretch73 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/27/08
Posts: 336
Loc: Sea Isle City, NJ
I'm in the chatroom right now. Why don't all you complainers stop by and complain a little bit more.

_________________________
"I was so poor growing up, that if I wasn't born a boy, I wouldn't have had anything to play with." Rodney Dangerfield

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#245181 - 08/17/08 12:23 PM Re: Drugs, Complaints, and Those Who Use Them [Re: Stretch73]
mogigo Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/24/07
Posts: 1331
Loc: Colorado
Quote:
So what if I came at the request of someone else? What's the difference if I came that way or on my own accord? At least I'm honest about it; a virtue I find very thinned out on this site.


Because we want to get better Stretch and you want to remain blissfully ignorant, probably a Father thing stretch. But someone who loves you thinks you need help. It's not an attack, it's an observation from someone who loves you, or is she just trying to make you feel bad?

We can't see ourselves Stretch, but those who are closest to us have a much better view.

I think that's the cue for you to rant about what's really pissing you off, because it sure ain't people who have problems on this site.

Otherwise you'd just go away, please don't go away Rich, we hear you, is that really so bad. What IS the downside to saying what's pissing you off?

Stay strong
Mike

_________________________
Thriving

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#245182 - 08/17/08 12:26 PM Re: Drugs, Complaints, and Those Who Use Them [Re: Stretch73]
hogan_dawg Offline
Guest

Registered: 03/26/08
Posts: 492
Hmmm. I get what you're saying Stretch. People can give a lot of their attentions over to being ruled by the triggers that impede on their lives.

But let's remember we're not raised by wolves. Some sensitivity needs to go to those who are triggered and sensitive.

I think there's a range. Some triggers are like cigarette cravings and they're easy to swat aside. But others are tougher to assimilate in to everyday life. For some guys it can be quite challenging. Maybe you're one of those who has learned ways to work with triggers. Kudos.

The way I think of trigger is that it's a stimulus that precedes and specifies a response akin to trauma response. It's not an 'excuse word' Stretch, that's in your mind. The idea of a trigger is a well established construct in psychological circles. People do experience triggering. It's not BS, trust me.

Take command of the feeling? I dunno Stretch, that's a tall order. When people are dealing with 'trauma' level feelings, they often happen too fast (thus, the word 'trigger', like, a gun's trigger, to imply fast acting) there's no 'taking command' of them. People have to take sometimes years of help to work through their triggers.

I think what happened Stretch is that during breast feeding you probably rejected the breast. Bad breast. <nudge, wink>

_________________________
I can say unequivocally that the lie of "To truly heal you must first forgive" has derailed more victims than the abusers themselves.
Andrew Vachs, 2003

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#245183 - 08/17/08 12:38 PM Re: Drugs, Complaints, and Those Who Use Them [Re: ak]
blueshift Offline
Guest

Registered: 01/21/08
Posts: 1242
Loc: infinity
Stretch, I understand about people being offended easily, but at the same time, I have seen words with your name on them that I could really see a legitimate gripe about. I also understand that a lot of people aren't in the habit of choosing their words as carefully as they need to be chosen in a place like this, so I'm not judging you, but when you are preaching tolerance, it's important to be tolerant yourself and not use words like "crybaby" which, for me is a word just as triggering as "faggot". And if there is too much complaining, why add to it?

There is good and bad in everything and as you yourself seem to be saying, why focus on the bad?
Doug


_________________________
My Story
My Art

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#245188 - 08/17/08 01:33 PM Re: Drugs, Complaints, and Those Who Use Them [Re: blueshift]
blueshift Offline
Guest

Registered: 01/21/08
Posts: 1242
Loc: infinity
Um..about this business of calling something a trigger and that being a cop out alternative to "taking command" or whatever...
In a way I see what you are saying. It's better to work on the issues that cause things to trigger you than to go through life trying to avoid all triggers, which is pretty much impossible.

On the other hand though, this just get over it kind of attitude seems like another form of sticking your head in the sand.
Is it all just in our heads? Well, maybe, but hell, you could probably say the same thing about a broken leg or a punctured lung. After all the pain is subjective right? So just get over it.

I know there is a lot of shame tied up with admitting you were hurt in more than a superficial way..but I would like to see you face that shame with the rest of us rather than beat us over the head with it the way you seem to be doing.

I myself cannot just move on, and if that makes me a lesser person, so be it, but I face that fact and all the shame that it might entail. So at least respect me for that.

Doug


_________________________
My Story
My Art

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#245236 - 08/17/08 06:42 PM Re: Drugs, Complaints, and Those Who Use Them [Re: blueshift]
ak Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/10/04
Posts: 1491
I do not think that 'triggers' is just a made up word or thought or idea. As people, we all respond to outside 'stimuli', things that 'trigger' our emotions, whether it is good or bad. Most of what 'triggers' we have that we deal with here are negative, because that is of the issues that bring most of us here. But there are things in the world that also trigger us to smile, or to laugh, either from the emotional make up we are born with, or of what we find as part our character. Most people do not walk around with a smile on their face without 'reason' for it; and if the reason is 'I'm just in a good mood' or 'I'm just happy today', well still, that mood and emotion is what trigger the physical response of a smile. So unless a person is totally without emotion completely, I do not think one can say that anyone is immune to response to 'triggers'. And me, personal, I do not find anything of weakness to have emotions and emotional responses like any other person. I am still responsible for my responses to them, and how much I allow the negative ones to guide my present life. But I can not say that there are none for me, because there are many, both good and not so good. Just is my thoughts on it.

Andrei


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#245389 - 08/18/08 02:15 PM Re: Drugs, Complaints, and Those Who Use Them [Re: Stretch73]
VN Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/03/05
Posts: 723
Originally Posted By: Stretch73
I feel there is entirely too much complaining on this site. Now I know many of you will certainly disagree with me, but I find this revelation to be exactly true, and I have some questions to ask.


So you add to it? That is not quite what is the best way of dealing of it, in my mind, but all people will do what they feel they must.

Originally Posted By: Stretch73
1. Why do certain individuals on this site attempt to convince others that there drug use is an addiction formed as a direct result of being molested as a child?


No, not all things are created because of the stress of the past. But many negative coping skills are created due to unresolved issues from past thing. So while no everyone who is an addict to drugs or alcohol, or other negative coping, have had childhood trauma, perhaps some have. No one here should be 'convincing' others of anything that could be of harm to them, or inpede their healing of the past. But neither should no one here be condemmed for what negative choices they have got into for themselves because of the past. People come here to learn new behaviors, to heal from past insults, and to form better skills to create a better life. But acceptence of the past, good and bad, is importent.


Originally Posted By: Stretch73
2. Why doesn't anyone ever say, "Oh! That good thing happened to me today because daddy molested me when I was little?"

Because everyone wants to just think as their lives as this horrible, traumatic, evil-filled, emotionally wraught expereince. Isn't there any good that can be taken from abuse? There is. I can prove it!


Because there is very little 'good thing' that happen to me in my life today, as 29 year old, that have happen BECAUSE I was abused from age, well, whatever, to 17. I do believe that the abuse I suffer, it help me to become who I am today, and that is a good thing. I am a strong person, I am able to survive what others may not, I am a good person, and my life now is becoming what I make it. But to say that is directly because of actions 15 years ago, no. I speak that it is in spite of them actions. And I would like to see what 'proof' you can offer of the good that come from abuse, unless it is the building of strong character, which I already speak of.

Originally Posted By: Stretch73
4. Are there not many extremely sensitive people here.

One cannot even say "Boo," without a complaining message being sent to a Moderator. This is some real crybaby bullshit. Life is hard, people! You're getting upset over a some words on a monitor.


Yes, yes there are. Including yourself, who complains in your point #5 that you were condemmed as a 'homo' in a post here. Is it not just words on a monitor? (Not that I seen any such behavior toward you in your first 4-5 posts here, which I gone back to read where such insult was, and could not find it) This is indeed the internet, and these are indeed words on a monitor. But it is by general agreement here, as well as discussion board guidelines, that all members are to be treated with courtesy and respect. When that is failed to be followed, I can understand sensitivity and offense from it.

Originally Posted By: Stretch73
5. Why is there so much hate and bigotry here?

The very first post I ever wrote here, I was basically condemned for being a homo. Not that I care, but what the fuck? This is the 21st century. Listen all you homo-haters; Don't knock it until you've tried it!


Again, I will say that I have never seen a post response to you that condems you for being a 'homo', at least not in the first few posts you made. I gone back to see them, with this statement you make, because that is generally not something to be accepted by the guidelines here. I did not see anything of the sort.

I do not think there are many 'homo-haters' here. There are perhaps people not comfortable with frank discussions of sex, whether of their own orientation or others. I do not come here to speak on sex. I come here to work through the negative thoughts I still have on myself because of sex. And as to the 'don't knock it until you've tried it', no thank you. I have tried it, even not feeling such orientation for myself. As a teenager, I spend a year on the street as a prostitute, and had to engage with 'clients' of both genders. I have had quite enough of 'man with man' sex, and never enjoyed any of it, whether abuse or of my own 'choice'. But why someone would suggest that other people not sexually oriented in that way, to 'try it', confuses me very much. Sex can be very less then comfortable even engaging in what is natural for yourself. To try it in another orientation, I can not imagine anything pleasent of it.

As to the general thought of your thread, yes, there will be complainers. Yes, there will be people who will use the 'abuse excuse' for why their life now is not perfect, for why they can not get better job, for why they are not with the person they want to be with. Yes, there will be people who unfortunately will remain 'victim' longer past others who move on to 'survivor'. My point of it is, what business is it of yours? I was under the impression that most people here are here for the betterment of themself, and to share thoughts and feelings with other persons who can understand. If you are more focused on the other members here then your own betterness, then I find that sad, and I can understand the 'anger' that it sounds you have in this post. I wish you luck in being able to focus more on yourself and what your own needs are here.

VN


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#245590 - 08/19/08 04:27 PM Re: Drugs, Complaints, and Those Who Use Them [Re: VN]
Trucker51 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/20/08
Posts: 2826
Loc: Denver, CO
It served it's purpose, and that purpose has been dealt with in an appropriate manner. We have learned a lot about each other and we understand each other a lot better now. Thanks to everyone else for their support and understanding. I think that it has been a step in the right direction for all of us.

I certainly apologize if I have stepped on anyone else's toes in the process.

Mark




Edited by Trucker51 (08/19/08 06:15 PM)
_________________________
"We stay here, we die here. We've got to keep moving". Trucker Mark



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