Newest Members
DougieB, sethpeterson, R Ellis, SailingAway, Kitty6
12320 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
Healer (53), Kilo (21), sdsjr (40), surfdude (57)
Who's Online
2 registered (Bluedogone, 1 invisible), 17 Guests and 5 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12320 Members
74 Forums
63373 Topics
443142 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Page 2 of 3 < 1 2 3 >
Topic Options
#244727 - 08/15/08 12:33 PM Re: News about Jarrad [Re: roadrunner]
king tut Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/13/08
Posts: 2465
Loc: UK
I hope you get better soon Jarrad, you have been a great help to me on the boards and in chat. My thoughts are with you! please i hope you get better soon

_________________________
"...until lambs become lions"

I love you, little lewis, and i will never leave you. We are the same. You brighten my day, and i will make sure that i brighten yours. Hugs and kisses.


Top
#244752 - 08/15/08 01:44 PM Re: News about Jarrad [Re: MarkK]
Sans Logos Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/31/03
Posts: 5791
Loc: in my own world in pittsburgh,...
ahh, so a retort of some kind was anticipated......hmmmmm, sometimes i wonder about you kids.......

LOL

_________________________
  1. the past
  2. ReClaiming Now
  3. advocacy


Top
#244755 - 08/15/08 02:01 PM Re: News about Jarrad [Re: roadrunner]
Sans Logos Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/31/03
Posts: 5791
Loc: in my own world in pittsburgh,...
thanks larry, nothing specific, just stuff in general. there are no easy fixes and i don't even know if i have the brain to verbalize them, and it seems too complex for my little brain to try to explain. i appreciate your concern, truly. i will pass from further extrapolation. partly because while you report in public here that there is indeed commiseration between all representatives of the diverse genders at the level of management, the private discussion leading up to jarrad's dismissal was not made public, and was arrived at privately. having a huddle room leaves me feeling suspicious. i admit it.

what i will point to however, is this: perhaps to some people jarrad's disappearance passed unnoticed, but as i alluded to earlier, a single gay member gone without explanation, really lowers the level of trust for me in the web site's ability to live up to its mission statement: "We are committed to preventing, healing, and eliminating all forms of sexual victimization of boys and men through support, treatment, research, education, advocacy, and activism."

no doubt that the organization in general is succeeding in that fiat, and that in itself is laudable. however, since this web site aspect is most likely the primary portal for entry into the world of recovery from male sexual abuse, in a certain sense it is bound to create common ground for collusion, reinforcing the pathos and subconscious ethos of the strongest participating members, and the manner in which they rally round their shared principles for 'support'.

usually, this dominant ethos is supportive of religious and sexual bias' that i personally find victimizing. i can only wonder how lurking potential members translate all of this. so much is spoken in what is not said.

at any rate, these are issues that all real and cyber communities deal with.... i referred to it once as the 'lord of the flies' mentality.

but, now, i realize, that here i am defending myself in a forum where, as a gay man, i thought i would find recluse, only to be bombarded with comments from other oriented people disputing my claims.

you know, we could have a heterosexual forum and then i could go there and post a big BUT, to every thing said there.

see my point?

_________________________
  1. the past
  2. ReClaiming Now
  3. advocacy


Top
#244760 - 08/15/08 02:08 PM Re: News about Jarrad [Re: Sans Logos]
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2502
Loc: Denver, CO
an interesting thought ... what the ratio is of other-oriented vs hetero-oriented people who have been, for whatever reason, blocked from the website. and how many reasons (if any) were ever made public.

we could also have a spiritual forum where people could post a big BUT to ... wait ... we already have that experience.

M&m


Top
#244761 - 08/15/08 02:09 PM Re: News about Jarrad [Re: MarkK]
Sans Logos Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/31/03
Posts: 5791
Loc: in my own world in pittsburgh,...
what a big BUTT? LOL

_________________________
  1. the past
  2. ReClaiming Now
  3. advocacy


Top
#244762 - 08/15/08 02:10 PM Re: News about Jarrad [Re: Sans Logos]
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2502
Loc: Denver, CO
thanks


Top
#244763 - 08/15/08 02:12 PM Re: News about Jarrad [Re: king tut]
Trucker51 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/20/08
Posts: 2826
Loc: Denver, CO
I certainly feel for Jarrad and his struggle for freedom. I had a number of productive conversations with him, both on the forums and privately. Just in the time that I knew him, I felt that he was making some progress away from his angry, loud, and confrontational manner of writing.

I look back at where I was early in my first attempt at recovery and there were a lot of similarities then with the place that Jarrad is at now. I was a really unpleasant and negative person to be around at that time, with ongoing drug and alcohol problems, and rather extreme issues with disrespect for authority and angry, abusive language. I hung with the obvious wrong crowd and it often seemed that I did anything that I could do to make other people shy away from me, fear me, or dislike me. I never got comfortable with my first support group and left them when school let out for spring break in the Spring of 1988. Two days after my first wife left me I ended 3 years clean off of cocaine in a really big way. Then it was 7 years of progressively worse hell before I found my way back to treatment and therapy though the intervention route. I OD'd a dozen times at least, hated myself and other people worse and worse, and had a really bad attitude where I just didn't care about myself too. I lost lots of friendships during that time, and am really lucky that I survived it to share it with you guys now.

I would really hate to see us give-up on someone who was making good progress towards personal freedom just because they were in a similar place that I once was. I am proof that someone doesn't have to stay that way forever. I would hope that the powers that be might reconsider their decision. Jarrad has an awful lot to lose. I've been there, and I know.

Get well soon, my man. We're thinking of you.

Mark



Edited by Trucker51 (08/15/08 04:14 PM)
_________________________
"We stay here, we die here. We've got to keep moving". Trucker Mark



Top
#244764 - 08/15/08 02:12 PM Re: News about Jarrad [Re: MarkK]
Sans Logos Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/31/03
Posts: 5791
Loc: in my own world in pittsburgh,...
;\)

_________________________
  1. the past
  2. ReClaiming Now
  3. advocacy


Top
#244779 - 08/15/08 03:22 PM Re: News about Jarrad [Re: Lazarus]
dgoods Offline
Guest

Registered: 10/15/07
Posts: 622
Loc: Richmond area
Thanks so much for the update; i hadn't known what happened, but i had sent Jarrad a PM not long ago, and by the lack of response, or any forum messages, i knew he wasn't "around"- i had thought maybe it was his decision to take a break from MS.

I'm really sad that he's had to go through all this; i'm glad to know he's at least physically safe now, but i too worry about what kind of support's available for him. Yes, he could come across at times as too confrontational, or a button-pusher, but it always struck me as a combination of both an inability to "suffer fools gladly", and the tendency many survivors can have of behavior that says, in effect, "Oh, so you think you care about me, or know me? How's THIS grab ya?"

I realize the site has rules and limits designed to keep things as safe and supportive as possible (especially for those coming here for the first time, as well as those who've been around for a while), but that doesn't change the fact that i wish very much i could at least give Jarrad a virtual hug again... I always thought, if MS were Sesame Street, Jarrad was like our Oscar the Grouch, at times.

Maybe it's not possible, but i'd be happy to see him back- if anyone is able to be in touch w/ him outside of here, let him know i miss him, would you?

_________________________
Give sorrow words: the grief that does not speak
Whispers the o'er-fraught heart and bids it break.

-William Shakespeare, Macbeth, Act IV, Sc. III

Top
#244786 - 08/15/08 03:48 PM Re: News about Jarrad [Re: dgoods]
markgreyblue Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/19/03
Posts: 5400
Loc: Pasadena, CA
get well soon Jarrad. Thanks for the update too.
To me Jarrad was and is a blessing - no matter how uptight I was - he knew how to shave off the edge.

I think he might like that imagery..... "shaving" lol

- I really hope he feels better real soon.

He has always been pretty wonderful and accepting to me.

I am very sorry that I could not be there for him - as many times as he was for me. Well - GET WELL SOON!!!!

mgb

_________________________
"...do not look outside yourself for the leader."
-wisdom of the hopi elders

"...the sign of a true leader is service..." - anonymous



Top
Page 2 of 3 < 1 2 3 >


Moderator:  ModTeam 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.