Newest Members
susanhepp, Breathe, georgetwo, frozen45, lilac
12291 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
adam319 (46), Bellemaman (36), Bob G. (58), S D Witwicky (38)
Who's Online
4 registered (CafeMan, Obi, 2 invisible), 25 Guests and 3 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12291 Members
73 Forums
63227 Topics
442142 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Topic Options
#24395 - 02/16/04 12:30 AM How did I end up here?
let-it-go Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 02/15/04
Posts: 2
Loc: tn
Some things go with us everywhere we go yet we don’t really see them, we just know they are there. Like an ugly scar or physical deformity we grow to accept it as being a part of our lives although we hate the site of it, we deal with it until….. I believe I have reached an “until” point in my life where the ugly-ness of my scar has caused me to look at it far too much. I’m not going to spill my guts just share the after affects to hopefully give someone some hope and maybe get some help.

I was taken advantage of as a kid by the son of my mother’s best friend who was also the best friend of my oldest brother who is also my one of my hero’s. After those events I did to a cousin as a kid, what was done to me, as a kid. I have no urges or ever had any urges to be involved with kids, I just did what I saw someone else do to me in my youth. My current challenge is porn and I fight it “literally” every day.

I have a close personal relationship with CHRIST but that does not seem to stop the urge to just collect the stuff. I don’t cruse for kid stuff just pic’s of sex. Can anyone share what they do or did to deal with this issue. The one thing I know is, I am not alone.

_________________________
God Is, Has Been and Always Will Be

Top
#24396 - 02/16/04 07:43 AM Re: How did I end up here?
phoster Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/21/03
Posts: 758
Loc: ohio
you are not alone. my recovery effort began because i was acting out sexually with the internet, porn and trying to arrange for affairs. after my wife caught me having an internet affair, i admitted i was out of control and needed help.

for me, understanding what was driving it, and filling my time with more productive pursuits enabled me to overcome it. where i used to cruize porn sites, i now come here and other sites like this.

try this site for a start http://www.understandingsexualaddiction.org

it is a link to pride, a self-help workshop for sexual compulsion/addiction. during this workshop, i uncovered my abuse and began dealing with it.

i came to realize that we all have coping tools we use to deal with life. porn, food, drinking can all turn unhealthy very quickly. for me it was a matter of making healthier choices. sure, the coping tool is still there in that now i come here instead of porn sites, but now it is what i feel is a positive instead of a negative. other positives are working out, meditating and reading. you cannot expect yourself to quit something like porn without filling that need with something else, in my opinion.

pm me if you would like. i was very addicted to porn, but it has been a few years since i used it last. also, try the site above. PRIDE was able to help me gain perspective and power over it.

jeff

_________________________
compassion is a light even to the darkest soul

Top
#24397 - 02/16/04 08:58 PM Re: How did I end up here?
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
Let it Go
Yes, we drag this crap around behind us like a rotting corpse, and however much we shake it the damned thing wont go away - until we do some work.

And if you've found your way here then I guess you've started.

What happened to, and what you did with your cousin, was nobodys fault but your abusers. He taught you this stuff at a very impressionable time in your life.
You should have been learning maths and english- not sex. Kid's learn easily, it's one reason we go to school then.

And what we learn we can, to a degree, un-learn.
We can learn techniques to overcome the need for porn. They're not easy, and I sometimes still go looking for the 'ultimate' pictures online. But it's better than it was and I don't beat myself up over it anymore.

So stick around and use some great support and help. You AREN'T ALONE here.
Dave

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

Top
#24398 - 02/17/04 03:09 PM Re: How did I end up here?
Texas_Mike Offline
Member

Registered: 01/17/04
Posts: 135
Loc: San Antonio, Texas-The Lone-St...
No judging here...

you found the right place...

check out http://www.utexas.edu/student/cmhc/booklets/maleassault/menassault.html

_________________________
"Passion, excitement, and confidence are the important medicines that you need every day"

Run 2 Live-Live 2 Run

Best,
"The Desert Runner" Mike

Top
#24399 - 02/19/04 04:14 AM Re: How did I end up here?
Leosha Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/18/03
Posts: 3614
Loc: Right here
Welcome here, I am glad you found this site. There is much advice and wisdom that can be found here. I have never had person problem with 'acting out' sexually, or doing anything, really, sexually. My 'coping' behaviors normally would be negatively directed at myself, in self harm and such. I am still working at it, to fight against doing it. I hope that others here can offer you better advice, but I wished you to know that I can understand some, in that my habits are not helping me to. Good luck here, and in your life and healing.

Leosha

_________________________
Avatar photo in memory of my younger brother Makar.

"Human salvation lies in the hands of the creatively maladjusted."~~~Martin Luther King Jr., 1963

Top


Moderator:  ModTeam, TJ jeff 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.