Hi,

I am doing a basic sexuality group, there are four more meetings. I like the other guys and the therapist if fine too but I am finding it really hard to go. It is about our relationship with our sexual selves, how we feel about our bodies etc. I have to do one hours homework a day. These vary, from having nice relaxing baths, looking at ourselves naked for 25 minutes in the mirror to drawing our genitals and showing the picture to the group. Some homeworks involve us being asked to masturbate without images or fantasy, then meeting up outside the group with one member and talking about it, another thing was we had to share masturbatory fantasies with one other member and use their fantasy in masturbation. I don’t feel able to do some of this, but there is inbuilt pressure for everyone to commit to the homework. The other guys are fine with it and find it really helpful to be open about this stuff there is only one other survivor and he seems comfortable with it, there is another gay guy which is good. I really get the point of most of this, sexuality is shrouded in secrecy and it should be good getting it out in the open. The idea that we need to know and accept our own bodies and sexuality before we can accept sexual love from another makes sense to me.

I don’t do all the homeworks and my child part feels sick and hates the group, the frank discussions about sex etc. I feel like I am dragging the child me there kicking and screaming, telling him that nothing bad will happen doesn’t seem to be working. I was thinking of not going anymore. I talked to my therapist who thinks it would be good for me to go as I have a tendency to drop things. If I can be honest about my feelings in the group it should feel better, in the last two I remained as invisible as possible. I feel ashamed and freakish in the group because others don’t have the same difficulties. When we talk about the messages we received from our parents about sex, I feel like my family is too extreme and that I look like a freak to the others.
I guess saying this here is about trying to tell myself that I am not a freak and that others with similar issues would have similar feelings.

Thanks

Rustam.

hello Rustam:

WOW! what a great group! it sounds like something that could help a man like me.

do your best to feel comfortable with the others and share as much as you are able to. this experience could turn out to be really helpful. do your best to be brave and take risks with the group.

i too am hoping to join a men's group soon. so i need to take the same advice i am offering to you. may we both find the help we need to heal and grow. i wish us both good luck. sincerely,


bec

Interesting group. I hope that works well for you. Sorry to say it reminds me of a bad counselor experience from a couple decades ago. He used a couple of those techniques, but used them too far and wrong.

I'm in a group of sorts right now, it's specifically for dealing with abuse issues and it lasts six months, meeting almost once a week. Some weeks are skipped. It is a mix of male and female participants, and it's designed to grieve the losses that should have been grieved long ago. It started with trust-building and communication skill-building. Now we are heading into the nitty gritty.

tex

Rustam,

And all that is in a 'Basic' sexuality group!

Holy toledo...
I wouldn't last one session there...

I wish you luck in your self-discovery process though.

Whicker

Rustam,
My heart goes out to you! I don't know how I would get through something like that! To me at least, you are a very strong person for having done as much as you have so far. I'm afraid that other than maybe the bath and the mirror thing (and even that I have attention span issues), I would be at a loss to be able to complete these assignments, much less discuss them! I admire you for having the courage to even attempt this! Good luck!
Broken

Thanks so much for the feedback guys, I do trust the therapist and the group though I’m far from the trusting type. Its been running for years where I go to therapy and I know that nothing bad can happen. I would like to do a survivors group but haven’t found one yet. I was giving myself a hard time for finding it so difficult. So thanks to you who said that you would find it difficult too. I did today’s homework, which was writing a letter (not one to send)to my mom about the messages she gave me about sex. It was quite difficult to stay with the feelings but it was useful to do. I have the group tomorrow and while I am not looking forward to it I think as long as I can tell myself that it’s okay to feel as I do I will be okay with it.

Thanks again.

Rustam.

I echo someone else: that is a 'basic' sexuality group??????? I would die. Of course, I would never have been able to go there at all to begin with. I couldn't even shower with the my eyes open until the last year.

I am glad that you trust the therapist, and the purpose of the group. I wish you good luck in the remainder of the time there.

Leosha