GW,
Could you post or PM me with the name of your T? Is s/he dealing direectly with the issues of CSA?

Also, I am getting to the point where I am considering getting a group of Atlanta area guys together for a support group.

Gerald

Hello All:
Going to see a kind and understanding therapist led me to my recovery. I had gone to her because of my dependency on porn.
Many think that porn is not a big deal...but it was taking over my mind and soul. She just asked me point blank... "were you ever sexually abused as a child?" I was stunned. My eyes and throat went dry. How did she know my terrible history? I was seduced with porn, unfortunately it became a dependency...a means to dull the reality of my pain.
I am also seeing a male therapist to discuss and learn how my abuse and porn have linked to chain me to a roller coaster of shame and despair.
The book by Mic Hunter has been my favorite so far, although,Victims No Longer is a good read too.
This site is fantastic and I am proud to be a member of it.

Rik,

i'm sorry i never responded to your post on this thread - looking back i think i just didn't know what to say - you opened up so much and shared something so personal it was overwhelming - but in a good way - that is, i know i'm not the only one who's learned from what you wrote, as well as just felt so much of your pain and hurt also.

what's interesting is how i, too, have trust issues for many reasons, but not csa. i, too, used to wait for people to disappoint me but then eventually as i grew older i realized i could also disappoint others as well.

i still prefer giving people the benefit of the doubt most of the time but if someone does disappoint me i try and ask myself if i'm holding unrealistic expectations of that person or the circumstances.

i think as children we DO imagine the world in such a way, as we imagine people, not to necessarily have bad things, or events, or actions in it. when bad things happen, especially traumatic events, it can crush a child's vision all too hard and fast, as opposed to allowing a child to gradually adjust to the fact the world is not all roses, i.e., our parents (and others) are people too.

no, i can't imagine what you went thru, as i can't imagine what any survivor of csa went thru, it is just so horrific for a nonsurvivor to grasp; maybe someday i won't shake my head about it but i doubt it.

i think you are a person of incredibly courage and strength. i was doing some research today and came across this quote:



i hope no one takes offense at the use of the word "damaged" because i hesitated to share this for just that reason. but when people like you, Rik, who stand up and face your abuser, wow, that just makes you THE MAN totally - you know?

just don't think of the word "damaged" in a bad way, just means "hurt" is all, i think, ok?

to the other survivors who also posted, your words are also special, please don't think they aren't - every experience shared is a ray of hope for us fnf who are trying so hard to understand.

all the best,
indy

I'm bumping this because the question has been raised again and thought there were some good responses in this thread.

all the best,
indy

Good thread to read through, thanks indy. As for me, my fiancee leaving me, combined w/ getting laid off @ around the same time, seemed to be just the right combination of stress + the passage of time to crack the "what abuse?" shell i had built so carefully for so long, and drove me to seek out MS- i've never read either of the books, but i'm sure i will at some point. At this point, i'm having to try to deal w/ the practical problems created by events since then while trying not to take the focus off of my recovery; i'm still trying to hash everything out, basically. BTW, i've always loved your avatar/sig. Along with many other posters in F&F, it helps me remember that it's possible for someone to be sane, and still care about a frustrating mess like me.