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#243435 - 08/09/08 12:05 PM Owning up
ineffable Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/08
Posts: 1371
Loc: state of holeecrapdood
I have been HIV positive for 19 years.
I lied to 2 of my friends here by telling them I was taking meds when I wasn't.
No explanations or justifications & let the chips fall where they may.
If my integrity is now moot based on this, that is your choice.

C

_________________________
:: "Anyone who can handle a needle convincingly can make us see a thread which is not there" ::


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#243441 - 08/09/08 12:26 PM Re: Owning up [Re: ineffable]
Sans Logos Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/31/03
Posts: 5791
Loc: in my own world in pittsburgh,...
thanks for showing us that scathing honesty is possible craig. vulnerability i think is harder for us.

yet, how many of us are walking around not showing our full hand?

we reveal bits of ourselves in increments to the degree that we are able to trust both ourselves and others. that's the best honesty we can give to each other.

only those we deem worthy get to see the full monty, and friends and acquaintances are always in various stages of proving themselves to us as we are to them.

you were not kidding your self when you were withholding info from them, for whatever reason. that is between you the whatever prompted you to feel unsettled for not revealing all. and it looks like you are taking steps to undo the damage done to yourself by not being completely honest.

at any rate, i hope these two friends are worth all the angst you are investing in this. they may or may not realize what a valuable friend you really are to care so deeply about this.

thanks for sharing an important facet of you. inspiring as ever.

ron

_________________________
  1. the past
  2. ReClaiming Now
  3. advocacy


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#243503 - 08/09/08 03:46 PM Re: Owning up [Re: Sans Logos]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Craig,

Things like being HIV+ and what medication you are or are not taking are very private matters and you don't owe this information to anyone, no matter how close they are to you as friends. Each of us have areas that are just not open for discussion, and that's up to us.

Sometimes a guy will escape from an uncomfortable situation by withholding the truth. But he hasn't done that for the purpose of misleading and deceiving, but because for whatever reason he doesn't want to get into this subject with anyone. A true friend will see the difference between this and just bald-faced lying, and I'm sure your friends here don't hold this against you. For what it's worth, I certainly don't.

It's always better to present ourselves as honestly as possible, but the operative phrase is "as possible", especially where really sensitive personal matters are concerned.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#243803 - 08/10/08 06:58 PM Re: Owning up [Re: roadrunner]
ineffable Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/08
Posts: 1371
Loc: state of holeecrapdood
Thank you ron & Larry

My life has been a bit of a train wreck these last couple of weeks.
Confidences disclosed, lots of hurt feelings & a few hit & run attacks.
It's been very intense but now on the verge of settling finally.
There is no fault or blame, it's just what life threw at me.
(now also carrying crash helmet at all times)
hahahhahahaahahahhaha

When I was 21, my hand was forced in having to come out to my father because a girl I worked with
(who also knew my brother) kept hitting on me in a gay bar & striking out. (wrong plumbing)
She threatened to out me out of spite.
This felt somewhat like that to me as well.
The irony is I was also trying to protect the people I lied to.
I didn't want to add to their own burdens.
Another facet of what it is like to live with HIV.

C

_________________________
:: "Anyone who can handle a needle convincingly can make us see a thread which is not there" ::


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#243836 - 08/10/08 11:25 PM Re: Owning up [Re: ineffable]
JustScott Offline
Greeter Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/27/08
Posts: 2572
(((((Craig)))))


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#243954 - 08/11/08 05:14 PM Re: Owning up [Re: JustScott]
ineffable Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/08
Posts: 1371
Loc: state of holeecrapdood
Thanks Scoot
Brought tears to my eyes (which I didn't share)

Seeings how my status is out of the bag, this is one of my favourite songs from Red Hot & Blue
+++may trigger one of many things+++

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ufxe5pMVyik

_________________________
:: "Anyone who can handle a needle convincingly can make us see a thread which is not there" ::


Top
#244313 - 08/13/08 03:35 PM Re: Owning up [Re: ineffable]
mogigo Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/24/07
Posts: 1331
Loc: Colorado
Love you Bro

_________________________
Thriving

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#247244 - 08/29/08 10:43 AM Re: Owning up [Re: mogigo]
ineffable Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/08
Posts: 1371
Loc: state of holeecrapdood
Where I'm at since I have disclosed this about myself.

It has been insinuated both publicly & in private messages that there are those here at MS that are in
a "favoured status" or "category" when it comes to how they are treated in situations of questionable behaviour on the Boards.
Whether this applies to those of HIV positive status or not, who the frig knows.
The same implication has been planted towards those who identify as Gay.
Can the "Race Card" be far behind?
Bullying.
I can deal.

What has been more difficult for me is dealing with people actually wanting me to live.
The love & support I have felt from my bros thousands of miles away has been more real to me than
what I felt from those in my immediate physical proximity.
It has also brought to the surface deep profound loneliness as well.
Whether this is because I am more accepting of my & others feelings or because of the "safety"
of the distance is irrelevant.
I feel "felt" & I feel loved & I am so friggin' grateful.
You know who you are & you'll be forever in my heart in good company.

C

_________________________
:: "Anyone who can handle a needle convincingly can make us see a thread which is not there" ::


Top
#254241 - 10/10/08 08:48 PM Re: Owning up [Re: ineffable]
arronb Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/02/08
Posts: 1005
Loc: Perth
Though the distance may be great
In my heart you are so near
We have fought thru the hate
But there is nothing left for you to fear

Of all the things I was afraid to feel
Loneliness has been the greatest test
Thru our friendship I have begun to heal
I know I have been truly blessed

Be it either restraints of time or space
Nothing will keep me from my brother
You have taught me how to live with grace
And shown me how to trust another

So stay the course with us
We’ll give you all our love
For there is much left for us to discuss
Because it is you we are in awe of !!!

_________________________
Keep Smilin'
arronb

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#254243 - 10/10/08 08:58 PM Re: Owning up [Re: arronb]
ineffable Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/08
Posts: 1371
Loc: state of holeecrapdood
HI HI HI HI
holee crap doooood
sooky is weeeeeping!
happy happy joy joy

_________________________
:: "Anyone who can handle a needle convincingly can make us see a thread which is not there" ::


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