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#243035 - 08/07/08 06:02 PM I Will Fight No More Forever
Barkabus Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/09/08
Posts: 809
I don't know why this speech by the famous Nez Perce Chief Joseph hits a cord with me. I'm not sure how it relates to our common fight against the effects of sexual abuse/assault. It just does. It is bitter sweet. There is finality and an eerie, macabra peace that comes from it. What brought this to mind is ObiWan's forgiveness letter to his deceased mother where he concludes with, "Goodbye, Mother. I will fight with you no more forever."

Mike

I WILL FIGHT NO MORE FOREVER
(Surrender Speech)
by Chief Joseph of the Nez Perce - 1877

I WILL FIGHT NO MORE FOREVER -

I am tired of fighting.

Our chiefs are killed.

Looking Glass is dead.

Toohulhulsote is dead.

The old men are all dead.

It is the young men who say no and yes.

He who led the young men is dead.

It is cold and we have no blankets.

The little children are freezing to death.

My people, some of them,

Have run away to the hills

And have no blankets, no food.

No one know where they are-

Perhaps they are freezing to death.

I want to have time to look for my children

And see how many of them I can find.

Maybe I shall find them among the dead.

Hear me, my chiefs, I am tired.

My heart is sad and sick.

From where the sun now stands

I will fight no more forever. - -

THE END


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#243041 - 08/07/08 06:20 PM Re: I Will Fight No More Forever [Re: Barkabus]
EGL Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 06/19/04
Posts: 7821
Thanks for posting this, Mike, I had never read it until now. It's very moving and bittersweet, as you noted. The following part really spoke to me for some reason:

Quote:
I want to have time to look for my children

And see how many of them I can find.

Maybe I shall find them among the dead.


I think the reason it moved me is that when I was a child, I wanted someone to "look" for me and understand.

_________________________
Eddie

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#243042 - 08/07/08 06:23 PM Re: I Will Fight No More Forever [Re: EGL]
Barkabus Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/09/08
Posts: 809
Quote:
I think the reason it moved me is that when I was a child, I wanted someone to "look" for me and understand.


So true Eddie. Too true.

Thanks,
Mike

_________________________
My Story

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#243097 - 08/07/08 11:24 PM Re: I Will Fight No More Forever [Re: Barkabus]
ObiWan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/10/08
Posts: 35
Loc: Florida, USA
Hi Mike,

It's been 33 long years since I read this. And yet, as you noted, when I wrote the letter to my mother, those words were there. Her last words she ever said to me were "fight, Jeffrey, fight".
and hence my comment.

I too am tired of the fight.

Yet I do not consider this a loss or a surrender, to the contrary, I have more that I want to do with my life than rage at ghosts, and it won't change a damn thing anyway.

So it's time for me to let it go.

It's time to go look for my child, my little boy, and for me to take care of him.

And I will find him in the land of the living.

Sadly, tearfully, but peacefully,

Jeff

_________________________
WOR Alumni Sequoia March 2008
WOR Alumni Alta Sept. 2008
My whole life has changed in the past year...
divorced, but have begun living again
and trying to thrive...


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#243108 - 08/08/08 12:49 AM Re: I Will Fight No More Forever [Re: ObiWan]
mogigo Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/24/07
Posts: 1331
Loc: Colorado
Inspired me guys

I've yet to do it yet but I'm going to go to Mom's grave and read this

Thank you


"Mom, I thank you for you're support and you're love, I know you were
only trying to protect me from the world but It's time for me to move
on, I've learned so much about the world from you and I'm now able to
protect myself from the bad that's out there. You taught me that I
need to be careful but I think that if I stay under you're wing any
longer I might be in danger of missing having any life at all. I know
that you were only trying to protect me from the same pain that you
went through but I'm not you and if I don't take a chance on this
world then I just won't have anything to live for. Please forgive me
for not being able to relieve the pain that you felt, I tried so very
very hard to be what you needed but I think at this point we can both
understand that I was never going to be able to do that for you. It
hurts my heart that you were in pain but I've come very close to
having to live in pain for the rest of my life just so you could try
and alleviate some of your's.

I'm very upset with you right now, my love for you will never leave
but I do not like you very much right now. You have burdened me with a
lifetime of confusion and pain and work in some attempt for you to
come to terms with you're pain. I think you were very selfish, and I
think you were so unfair to burden you're child with a lifetime of
adult pain.It just wasn't fair Mother.

You've left me now, you've left me unable to live without you. You
failed miserably as a parent. As a parent myself it's so very very
clear that my job is to prepare my child to fly, not use her as a pawn
in my own fears and issues and problems. That is the most selfish
thing I could ever do. I will not burden her with that, she's just a
child and she has no answers for me. Only I can save myself Mother and
only you could have saved yourself, you chose not to, you only chose
to pass your fears into me. The cycle will stop with me Mother. I will
not pass your fears which have become my own into my daughter. I'm so
sad you could not see this.

I'm going to fly Mother, I'm going to defeat you're fears, they are
not mine to own. I'm going to be strong and stand up to them, I will
be strong!!!!

I'm letting you go Mom, I hope it doesn't hurt you're heart that I'm
going to let you go, I'm hoping you can see that I need to. I need to
fly Mom, I can't stand it anymore.

Goodbye Mom, goodbye.

I love you
Michael


Stay strong
Mike

_________________________
Thriving

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#243137 - 08/08/08 07:43 AM Re: I Will Fight No More Forever [Re: mogigo]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Mike,

Originally Posted By: mogigo
I'm going to fly Mother, I'm going to defeat you're fears, they are not mine to own. I'm going to be strong and stand up to them, I will be strong!!!!

This is one of the most inspiring things I have seen on the site. I can see what determination and strength it took to write this down. I hope it helps you in your recovery, and I know it will help others.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#243138 - 08/08/08 07:59 AM Re: I Will Fight No More Forever [Re: roadrunner]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Quote:
I want to have time to look for my children

My family was a close and loving one, but still, when I came home after yet another abuse episode my first thought was "Why can't you see what is happening to me?"

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#243244 - 08/08/08 03:13 PM Re: I Will Fight No More Forever [Re: roadrunner]
LN3(SS) Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/20/08
Posts: 486
Loc: MD
I normally don't read the Poetry forum. Not my cup of tea, I'm afraid. I don't understand it much. But this really caught my eye.

I really look forward to the day when I can fight no more forever. I understand the frustration evident there in my own battle against the United States. It is a terrible, crushing burden on my shoulders. I wonder what was on the other side of this speech for Chief Joseph?

I relate, a little bit, to that middle part too. Instead of keeping me in the "tribe", I was forced to "run away to the hills." Some of that loneliness still resonates so deep in me that I took my avatar down.

My heart has been sad and sick for so long I wonder if it knew any other condition. Sometimes here, though, I see the very beginnings of change.

Brian

_________________________
"When we go into battle, I will be the first to set foot on the field, and I will be the last to step off, and I will leave no one behind. Dead, or alive, we will all come home together." LTG Hal Moore, Jr., USA (Ret.)

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#243261 - 08/08/08 04:51 PM Re: I Will Fight No More Forever [Re: LN3(SS)]
mogigo Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/24/07
Posts: 1331
Loc: Colorado
Thank you Larry, I WILL be strong, I will be.


We all have it, we will be Strong

_________________________
Thriving

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#243289 - 08/08/08 07:59 PM Re: I Will Fight No More Forever [Re: roadrunner]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6875
Loc: USA
Yes, Mike that is an excellent letter.

Puffer


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