so, is venting good for the soul? is it better to get out the frustration and the pain and anxiety and panic and fatigue - or just ignore it until it passes?

i know - initial reaction says "let it out" so it doesn't "poison the well" ... but when i "let off steam" it usually takes the form of bitterness, anger, and rage. not that i hurt anyone - i don't. rarely yell anymore - more like a long slow simmer.

but that can't be good either. like cardio vascular workout without any body movement - just get the old heart pumpin super fast while the body just sits still.

i now swim 3 mornings a week. do exercise gym at home 4 or 5 nights a week.

i'm not feeling better. i'm feeling worse. now on top of the frustration, anger, rage, bitterness, PTSD, et al - we can add achy muscles and stiff joints.

by now i'm sure i sound like an "old coot" as Gramps would have said .. but the truth is - HOW LONG DOES IT HURT UNTIL IT STARTS GETTING BETTER?

i know - there's no answer for that either. but it sure makes it hard to get up in the morning ... and not a whole hell of a lot to look forward to.

M

I had a neighbor in Detroit who was 67 years old in 1975. He was really into physical exercise and staying in-shape, and used to mow the lawn wearing only a risque speedo, a straw hat, and an old pair of construction boots. He also used to waterski behind his over-powered pontoon boat. At that age he moved like he was 25 years younger, but he had been a health-club member for many years.

I am 51 years old. My knees, ankles, hips, and back creak and groan when I walk. I am "just a bit" overweight at 6'5" and 340 lbs. I keep thinking about getting back in shape and live really close to a couple of rec centers, but these days all that I feel like doing is taking it easy. Kind of weird, because my cholesterol is fairly low at 126.

Can't tell you how long that it will take. But if you want to get to be like my old neighbor, you have to keep on trying, even though it doesn't seem to be acheiving the desired results as of yet. A buddy of mine is 50 and he likes running around Sloan's Lake. But he runs every other day religiously, even when there is snow on the ground. His endurance is remarkable these days.

Maybe try walking 18?

Mark

Venting probably gets your heart going and raises your blood pressure, so at least it will reduce your cholesterol, if it doesn't rip open one of your heart veins first.

MarkK,
I need to start exeriseing but I haven't found the energy yet.
Remember; no pain- no gain.
you are setting a good example.
mike

i guess i don't believe in the concept of a soul as such that it can trap and hold certain qualities within it. i think that is more the function of the mind as gatekeeper. the mind can tell the heart what it is 'supposed to feel', but if the thought exists, the well is already poisoned. i do think it important to release negative thoughts which translate into stress energy, as it has a long term effect on the physical body. negativity in any form is a cancer.

i know when at times throughout my life when i reinitiated a course of physical exercise, for the first few days my body reacted to the new stresses placed in it. the pain was very real, in that i could not merely ignore it and it would go away. my range of muscle motion was limited, knees and ankle joints weak for a time. but even as the pain was invading my body, there were other forces at work to counterbalance the deterioration effect. i think if you keep on focusing on the tangible, that which can be seen and felt [the pain], then you can't really focus on the other intangible side of the healing process, the part that takes faith in trusting the right thing is happening, even though all evidence points to the contrary.

the proof is in the pudding as they say: i know that i have suffered from the effects of abuse all my life, but if i look closer i can see that in spite of all the things i did to exorcise the poison from my life, something else was doing a much more thorough job. i was healing, and hindsight has proven tha i am right about that. so i now can rest assured that that same process will continue to bring me around to where i am supposed to be.

your brother in recovery,

ron

Mark,

It's hard to tell from your post whether or not your workouts were helping with your anger. It seems as if your anger has turned itself into another emotion.

It's hard to describe what happens when anger is released. Excercise has always helped me, and I'm not a regular excerciser. Taking a walk in the rain or frigid cold are two things that go a long ways, but I need to be consciously thinking about the anger...the anger has to have a hold of me...before it will do any good.

Years ago, when I used to work at Denny's, I used to go sit in the walk-in freezer when anger got to me. I'd sit there seething for sometimes as long as a half hour before the cold would start getting to me. That wasn't healthy.

Just last winter, I lost my temper at work. Instead of taking it out on someone, I went and sat outside in the -20 cold. The cold got to me right away, but I sat out there and let it eat at my anger. I tried to hold my anger in the cold, and the cold just gradually nipped away at it. I sat there for about 20 minutes before I realized I wasn't angry anymore, and I went back inside.

I think excercise is the same. When I go and walk in the rain, I try to hold my anger to keep me going. When I run out of steam, that means I've run out of anger.

Does any of this sound familiar to you? And if it does, even if your body aches in the morning, can you compare it to the way you used to feel? You stated that you rarely yell anymore, and I think that is good. However, is this lack of yelling a result of steam being let off? Or is it a result of your anger being "held in check" rather than let go?

Bryan

my exercise (at least the swimming) is first thing in the morning - the rage has always passed by then (unless I've had a REAL bad night) ... don't think I'd want to try to resurface it just to work it out ..

But my evening exercises .. I might be able to "utilize for the good" some of that energy rush...

Not a bad idea. Certainly worth a shot - I can't go on this way forever. Did the triple ulcer thing once - don't want to go there again.

M

O.K. Let me see processing anger(venting through exercise), I believe, shouldn't involve anything beyond tolerable limits of pain.

If it hurts that much, I would try another angle to get to said goal.I personally belong to a six person canoeing club.Human powered synergy with awesome visuals. If I was still drinking and stuffing, I am sure this would not be possible. Truly blessed on this one. Maybe you can join similar type club in your area.

Probably a long commute to find an ocean, (ha,ha), but I'm sure you have rivers. Just a concept anyway, how about SAFE type rock climbing? i.e climbing walls.(Sense of accomplishment, good for the soul).

Just a footnote, I wish I had some type of wrestling club in my area. The wounded warrior loves this type of competition. For me, that's like venting anger on steroids.

Different angle...Deep tissue massages work well for me. It's a different type of physical relaxation. I am immune to the pain, and I might add, I am in controll of the pain/relief that I recieve. (simply cathartic).

I am also reading a book on controlled breathing. (Barely started,awaiting results).


In the end, sounds to me like what your doing isn't working. Maybe, it is as simple is finding an angle that works.


Living in the solution,

island

You mentioned that you have an excercise gym, but didn't mention what kind of excercises you do. Might I suggest something light for the first few times you try this new angle?

Bryan

i'm too much of a wimp to try anything heavy duty in the way of exercises. for mountain climbing - did that some at an outward bound weekend - it was fun - but to join a group that climbs?

rowing teams ... WRESTLING? WAY out of the question - that's human contact...

so far all this trying to get in shape has done is made me more tired and frustrated at my own inabilities. my moods started bad - they've gotten worse, and i've lost another couple friends because of it.

maybe none of it is worth the effort. i mean, from my viewpoint. if you guys have things that work for you i am truly very happy for you. maybe i just wasn't born to have the luxury of pleasure. i dunno.

and if i go back to internalizing everything - maybe i can keep from losing what few people i have that still talk to me.

you guys have definitely given me stuff to consider tho - thanx!

mark