Sandman- my 1st reaction was to be angry at your mother for how she treated you. I had to recently both remind my parents about my 1st abuse, and tell them for the 1st time about the second. There's been a fair amount of minimization since, a sort of "Yeah, fine, but..." for both parents/extended family (my parents divorced when i was a baby) that's at times left me furious, disgusted, or depressed when faced with it. "Yeah, but..." Are my family's genes so magical that bad things should be surmounted effortlessly? Um, NO. Do i blame what happened to me for every mistake i've made in life? Again, no. Is it possible my F&F might have a harder time facing the truth than they pretend to? Gee, maybe. I can understand how horrible parental guilt must be, and know it's never easy for any F&F to deal with- but while it might not seem nice or fair (and i'll bet this has been expressed in another post somewhere on here), sometimes i just want to shout "YOU THINK IT'S HARD TALKING OR THINKING ABOUT IT? TRY LIVING IT!" Not that i've got anger issues, or anything. Heh.
OK, almost-cohesive rant over. Hope this made some sort of sense.

_________________________
Give sorrow words: the grief that does not speak
Whispers the o'er-fraught heart and bids it break.

-William Shakespeare, Macbeth, Act IV, Sc. III