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#242012 - 08/02/08 07:00 PM Re: Help [Re: LittleMiss]
very confused Offline


Registered: 07/19/08
Posts: 16
Loc: TX, USA
I'm hoping some of them will post. I've read many posts and some were from guys that had been in the miliary. It didn't sound as if the military impacted them too much but it was said more in passing...wasn't the point of the post. I must say, in reading the survivors posts there's a great bunch of guys here. So supportive of each other. It occurred to me to tell him about this place but then he'd recognize his story and I don't know how he'd feel about that. Violated probably, I think maybe I'd feel that way. Reading posts has given me a much better perspective I think and maybe some ideas of things I might say to him if there's an opportunity. I appreciate the responses and welcome any addtional comments...thanks everyone.


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#242083 - 08/03/08 06:48 AM Re: Help [Re: very confused]
jggab Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/29/08
Posts: 53
Loc: California
Ok. . . I'm one of those military guys. I am still in and have been in for 18 years. The military has been very good for me. But it doesn't make the past go away. Some statistics show that military rates of male CSA are on a par with female CSA. Why is that? I'm sure a variety of reasons... 1. it's an escape. In other words its a place they weren't in before, therefore must be better. 2. CSA survivors seem to be drawn to "manly" things like military, contact sports, fighting sports (boxing, martial arts, etc), simply because its a way of channeling anger and taking control. "If I become a Marine, I will be a real man"

But the reality is still this. . . until you deal with and come to terms with your CSA. It will continue to haunt you until you do.
It took me over twenty years to finally start the healing process. I never realized that I needed to. I was always successful (workaholic actually), it seemed like I had the world by the tail. . . at least that want I let everyone see. Inside, I was very unhappy, I rarely took pleasure in anything. It had been many years since I really laughed (I laugh alot. . .but only because that was what was expected at the moment). I have been an expert at hiding how I really feel.

Do I think joining the Marines is a mistake. . . No. But it will not solve any of his past issues. The Navy has excellent counselors (Marines use Navy Medical services). But you have to remember. . . those counselors are human too. The first therapist ya get may not be the one for you! Keep an open mind, but shop around.

Please let me know if you have specific questions. I've been in the Military for quite awhile and will probably be here for a long time to come (hopefully).

Jon


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#242187 - 08/03/08 11:25 PM Re: Help [Re: jggab]
Trucker51 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/20/08
Posts: 2826
Loc: Denver, CO
Jon:

Welcome to the site.

Mark

_________________________
"We stay here, we die here. We've got to keep moving". Trucker Mark



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#242215 - 08/04/08 05:37 AM Re: Help [Re: LittleMiss]
michael banks Offline


Registered: 06/12/08
Posts: 1755
Loc: Mojave Desert, Ca
VeryComfused,
My experience with the Marine Corps was both good and bad.
For the most part I really benefitted from being in the Corps.
They taught me alot of things -self-discipline etc.
I experienced and saw alot of places and things that most people never will. Thur the Corps I realize how lucky we are to live here in the U.S.A.
I did really well in the Corps until my mother died and my alcohol and drug use went out of control.
The Corps tried to help me but my csa issues of trust came up. At that time I was incapable of allowing anyone to get close to me, to see what I was really feeling. Alcohol and drugs were how I dealt with the pain of my abuse-I hadn't admitted even to myself that it had happened.
I was discharged because of my addictions.
The Corps was the first place who made me deal with the conquences of my behaviors. And really am grateful today for that fact.
I believe that it was the first step in making me look at who I really was and realizing that I had problems.
Who knows the Corps maybe where he needs to be for awhile,the choice is his.
If they find out about his suicide attempts there is no way they will allow him in.
Take care of yourself -first-! and be there for him as he will allow. Seeking recovery is his choice.

mike

_________________________
To own one's shadow is the highest moral act of a human.
-Robert Johnson-

"IT ought never be forgotten that the past is the parent of the future" John C. Calhoun

WOR Alumni Sequoia 2009

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#242258 - 08/04/08 12:20 PM Re: Help [Re: michael banks]
very confused Offline


Registered: 07/19/08
Posts: 16
Loc: TX, USA
Thanks everyone for the input, I've learned alot. I think what I say to him will depend alot on how far he opens the door so to speak. I intend to just try and stay centered, calm and loving. I'll recommend therapy but I know I can't push it. I'd like to recommend this site to him but now I've posted on here and I don't think he'd like to read about himself. Is there a way to remove my posts and if so would that be best?

Thanks again


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#242275 - 08/04/08 01:34 PM Re: Help [Re: very confused]
Trucker51 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/20/08
Posts: 2826
Loc: Denver, CO
If you remove your posts they will benefit no one else. But you can edit all of your posts and remove all but one letter I believe, if you so desire. Since you started the topic you can also change the original title too.

It is your choice.

Mark

_________________________
"We stay here, we die here. We've got to keep moving". Trucker Mark



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#242279 - 08/04/08 01:45 PM Re: Help [Re: Trucker51]
very confused Offline


Registered: 07/19/08
Posts: 16
Loc: TX, USA
Thanks, I'll think about it...no reason to rush to do that unless I get the chance to tell him about this site anyway. I just wonder, would any of you be angry, feel betrayed to see your story (or a small part of it anyway) on here? Or maybe that has already happened for some?


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#242557 - 08/05/08 05:36 PM Re: Help [Re: very confused]
michael banks Offline


Registered: 06/12/08
Posts: 1755
Loc: Mojave Desert, Ca
very confused,

How he will react no one can say.
Maybe you should seek help for yourself here.
To focus on your needs.
Sounds to me like you have lost yourself.

mike

_________________________
To own one's shadow is the highest moral act of a human.
-Robert Johnson-

"IT ought never be forgotten that the past is the parent of the future" John C. Calhoun

WOR Alumni Sequoia 2009

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#242568 - 08/05/08 05:54 PM Re: Help [Re: michael banks]
very confused Offline


Registered: 07/19/08
Posts: 16
Loc: TX, USA
No, I'm in good shape thanks:) That's why I was considering deleteing my posts and telling him about the site. I just wanted some input from "people in the know" about the best responses when a friend has disclosed something like this. I think I have some good ideas now. I understand that all of you are individuals yet there are some basic things I should avoid saying and some basic things that are good to say. I realize nothing I say is "life or death" but I do want to be encouraging and supportive and certainly not inadvertantly do any more harm then was already done to him.


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