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#241264 - 07/30/08 02:06 AM Some father's advice
ak Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/10/04
Posts: 1491
I read stories here, and I am sad, always of the people who do not have positive relationships with their family, specially their fathers, and I know of how lucky I am for that.

For some reason, last night trying to sleep, this memory come back at me, and it rather make me smile, and again show to me how lucky I am. I have loving, kind and wise family, and still feel those rewards of that now.

When I was still rather new to the sport I compete in, I had a different thinking of my own importence of it I think. When I was 9 or 10, I had won a regional event, which was the biggest victory of my 'carreer' at that point, and I was rather impressed of myself. My family was proud of me to, which make it feel even bigger, but perhaps I taken it too far. At home that night, we are eating dinner, and it is to be my turn to help with washing the dishes. And at the time, I am thinking that is of course, beneath me. I believe I say something like that my sister can do it, because I am a 'future Olympic champion'. Of course, my sister was quite annoyed, although my other two sisters and my mother laughed. My father was smiling, but shaking his head at the same time. And then he given me his opinion of my announcement.

Androsh, he say, there is some advice that perhaps I should give to you now. Who you are in the world is not who you are in this family. Who you are in this world is not as importent as who you are in this family. The country, the region, the city, it is all less impressive to me then the people right here of my own family. So you must remember this. You will never be so 'right' that you never need to apologize. You will never be so smart that you don't ever need to learn something new. And you will never be so importent that you do not have to do the dishes. So go do your duty as a member of this family, and remember that 'fitting in' here is always going to be more importent then fitting in 'out there'.

I think that is still something so importent to me. Who I am, who I become, how I behave, it is always more importent to me that my character is what I feel my family would be happy with and proud of, then what other people think. I think that is true, or should be true, of everyone. It may not be our biological family, but there are people who become our family, and those are the ones importent to 'fit in' with, and to have our characters being what is appreciated and respected by them. There is lot of people in the world who will never meet me, will never know me, and who I do not have to impress or be anything special to. But the people who are my family, they are the ones I do try to live my life good, in ways they will be impressed and proud of.

I do not know why I feel to share this here, it just been on my mind some since last night.

(When I gotten my job I have now, I call my parents to tell them I have a job. My father ask me what I am doing and I tell him I am working in restaurant, clearing tables and washing dishes. He say that, well, maybe you can find something better soon. I told him it's ok, you're never so importent that you don't have to wash the dishes. He laughed and agreed.)

Andrei


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#241282 - 07/30/08 06:32 AM Re: Some father's advice [Re: ak]
MemoryVault Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/01/07
Posts: 693
Loc: NJ
Thanks for sharing that, Andrei! It meant a lot to me.

I hope that in spite of everything that happened later, away from home, you always had that sense of belonging to your family. And I hope it helped you get through bad times. (And I hope you see your father in you, the same sense of balance and compassion, when you offer your insights here!)

David


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#241311 - 07/30/08 08:41 AM Re: Some father's advice [Re: ak]
Sans Logos Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/31/03
Posts: 5791
Loc: in my own world in pittsburgh,...
andrei, i appreciate what you have written here. now, even though i didn't and can't have a spectacular relationship with my biological father [he has passed on], just knowing that it is possible provides a measure of comfort and joy.

also it makes me more appreciative of the relationship that i have with my son, christian, that is more on a brotherhood level. i don't see myself as a shining beacon of behavior for him, because i know all too well my own weaknesses and humanity. and at his age of 26 years, there is no reason why i should think i have any more wisdom than he, just more experience with using it for better or worse. we both share in guiding the rudder.

i guess at some point in our life, all of us desire having a strong arm to guide and protect us from the world's and our own folly. some of us just have to learn, early or late, that we have to reach down inside ourselves for the kind of father energy that provides inspiration,strength, guidance and support for our daily living and dying.

the father topic is always a good one in my opinion. thanks for bringing it up and sharing.

ron

_________________________
  1. the past
  2. ReClaiming Now
  3. advocacy


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#241348 - 07/30/08 12:42 PM Re: Some father's advice [Re: Sans Logos]
TJ jeff Offline

Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/07/04
Posts: 3389
Loc: Northern Wisconsin
Andrei,

you have a very wise father

_________________________
Who will cry for the little boy? - I will... - Antwone Fisher

Abuse happens in silence/isolation - Recovery happens only when that silence/isolation is broken...

TJ's History

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#241604 - 07/31/08 09:18 PM Re: Some father's advice [Re: ak]
ineffable Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/08
Posts: 1371
Loc: state of holeecrapdood
Andrei

Wow!
This made me smile for a very long time
& do my dishes

Thanks for sharing this with us

C

_________________________
:: "Anyone who can handle a needle convincingly can make us see a thread which is not there" ::


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#241605 - 07/31/08 09:26 PM Re: Some father's advice [Re: ineffable]
markgreyblue Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/19/03
Posts: 5400
Loc: Pasadena, CA
Thanks for sharing this Andrei.

This is a great story and a very good reminder.


Mark

_________________________
"...do not look outside yourself for the leader."
-wisdom of the hopi elders

"...the sign of a true leader is service..." - anonymous



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#242013 - 08/02/08 07:07 PM Re: Some father's advice [Re: markgreyblue]
dan_in_newengland Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/06/01
Posts: 162
Loc: Mass
ak, that is the best storie I have heard from you. Your dad gave you great advice !!!
More important, you listened.

Dan


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#242070 - 08/03/08 03:11 AM Re: Some father's advice [Re: dan_in_newengland]
Brian Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 05/03/01
Posts: 1563
Loc: Upstate NY
That was a cool story. It made me smile! Thank you for sharing!

_________________________
Recovery is Possible!

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