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#241809 - 08/01/08 04:57 PM Re: Are You a Survivor? [Re: roadrunner]
BJK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/02/07
Posts: 1526
Marc,

Breaking the silence is one of the first and most important parts of recovery. I'm with Larry....you did a very brave thing to post here.

There are some people on this site who are very good at seeing through what people show on the surface. It's one of the side effects of abuse, but let me just say right now that I believe you.

You also need to take steps to protect yourself. Larry can help you with that. He's a good guy.

Bryan

_________________________
Revenge is nothing more than another way of perpetuating abuse.

What the world needs now
Is some new words of wisdom
Like la la la la la la la la la.
-David Lowery

Having a friend who will keep a secret for you is worthless compared to a friend who won't keep a secret from you.

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#241812 - 08/01/08 05:07 PM Re: Are You a Survivor? [Re: BJK]
BJK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/02/07
Posts: 1526
Marc,

I also just want to emphasize that I wasn't talking about you in this thread. To the contrary, you are one of us...and you also need to take precautions to protect yourself.

Bryan

_________________________
Revenge is nothing more than another way of perpetuating abuse.

What the world needs now
Is some new words of wisdom
Like la la la la la la la la la.
-David Lowery

Having a friend who will keep a secret for you is worthless compared to a friend who won't keep a secret from you.

Top
#241814 - 08/01/08 05:11 PM Re: Are You a Survivor? [Re: roadrunner]
EGL Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 06/19/04
Posts: 7821
Hi Marc,

It IS hard to talk about it, and you do deserve help to deal with this. And like Larry said, this is not your fault so throwing off any self-blame is really necessary.

_________________________
Eddie

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#241823 - 08/01/08 06:10 PM Re: Are You a Survivor? [Re: EGL]
Trucker51 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/20/08
Posts: 2826
Loc: Denver, CO
Marc:

If you had come to me in public and shared that with me what you shared with Mike, I am one of those guys that would have done everything I could have to make sure that it never happened again. You have already made a lot of progress opening-up and sharing your situation with a great group of guys that care deeply when one of our members is hurting or feeling down.

Trust is a really tough issue both at your age and within our shared community. I will try really hard not to abuse your trust and I believe that everyone here would be willing to stand with you if you asked for our help on any issue.

Welome to our group.

Mark Too

_________________________
"We stay here, we die here. We've got to keep moving". Trucker Mark



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#241836 - 08/01/08 07:40 PM Re: Are You a Survivor? [Re: Trucker51]
JustScott Offline
Greeter Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/27/08
Posts: 2575
We're here for you Marc! Hang in there and keep talking! I does help to talk. I'm sorry you're still in a position of having to deal with all this in the here and now, but I hope that soon it can truly end!

Anything I can do or just lend an ear, let me know.


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#241873 - 08/01/08 10:06 PM Re: Are You a Survivor? [Re: JustScott]
Marcus Mystery Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/08
Posts: 195
Thanks for your comments. When the thread started I thought I was gonna die from panic. I found Larry and he told me to breathe and calm down so we could talk about it then he told me the thread was about trying to help or something, so that felt better. But I was still so scared when I posted and then when I saw the comments it felt weird not bad weird but I dunno.

I was mainly relieved ppl believe me.. I didnít think anyone would be that nice or understanding. I still feel scared but not like before.. its just I was expecting a million bad things to happen but they didnt so I donít know what to think about that.. anyway maybe itís a good idea I talked.


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#241877 - 08/01/08 10:17 PM Re: Are You a Survivor? [Re: Marcus Mystery]
Trucker51 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/20/08
Posts: 2826
Loc: Denver, CO
Stay in contact, it is the best thing that you can do. Over time your fears will gradually fall away as you begin to deal with your issues and become an integral and established part of our group. And one day you will look back and notice just how far that you have come.

Just wanted to say again that there is hope.

Stay in touch.

Mark

_________________________
"We stay here, we die here. We've got to keep moving". Trucker Mark



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#241883 - 08/01/08 11:01 PM Re: Are You a Survivor? [Re: Marcus Mystery]
Barkabus Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/09/08
Posts: 809
Marc,

I am REALLY, REALLY sorry. I am responsible for this. For your panic. Please know I meant you no harm. I believed you completely. I did not have one shred of doubt or suspicion when you shared with me. I ached over the pain you are in. It was Lance (LW1527) who connected the dots for me. I panicked because I was being perped when I was your age. Your situation triggered me. And now I know why I was triggered so severely. Now I don't want you to feel bad about that. It has revealed to me how much I have a heart to see guys escape the damage of SA, no matter what stage they're in. I have to be more careful in the future though and guard against being triggered. I know that will be a difficult chore though. I think ultimately good has come of this and will continue to come of this. I want to see you come out of this to a safe place Marc. I want to see you begin a journey of healing and recovery. And I want you to know and believe and take comfort from the fact that you are not alone. We will be here with you every step of the way.

Thank you again Marc for your courage. Thank you for speaking to Larry about this when you were panicked by this thread and thank you for taking the bold steps to begin your journey.

I just want you to know that I have been praying for you intently over the last two days and will continue to do so.

You're in good hands.

Mike

_________________________
My Story

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#241884 - 08/01/08 11:04 PM Re: Are You a Survivor? [Re: Trucker51]
hogan_dawg Offline
Guest

Registered: 03/26/08
Posts: 492
Interesting.

My initial reaction to coming out and telling someone about the abuse was that 'bad things' would happen to me. It kinda feels like the threats and implied consequences that were pointed out to me by my perpetrator, many years ago, coming back to haunt me now if I should tell of the abuse.

The result was a lot of fear raining down on me all at once, after I kind of told someone. The more people I told, the more the rain of fear rained down.

That said, there was a lightness that happened at the same time. So instead of just feeling like bawling in the rain, I got a little lighter on my feet, especially when I found there were other men that shared similar experiences.

The more I connected with resources in my community, and here, and became sure of my footing, the more the fear subsided.

Anyway, the reason I'm writing this is just to echo Trucker and say that it's probably not the case that a million bad things are going to happen. But it won't be easy.

_________________________
I can say unequivocally that the lie of "To truly heal you must first forgive" has derailed more victims than the abusers themselves.
Andrew Vachs, 2003

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#241885 - 08/01/08 11:10 PM Re: Are You a Survivor? [Re: hogan_dawg]
BJK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/02/07
Posts: 1526
I don't think the objective is to avoid being triggered. The objective is to understand why we are triggered and to learn how to deal with the emotions those triggers produce so that the triggers become easier to deal with in the future.

I see that a lot of good work has been done in this thread.

Congratulations, guys.

Bryan

_________________________
Revenge is nothing more than another way of perpetuating abuse.

What the world needs now
Is some new words of wisdom
Like la la la la la la la la la.
-David Lowery

Having a friend who will keep a secret for you is worthless compared to a friend who won't keep a secret from you.

Top
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