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#241748 - 08/01/08 01:15 PM Re: Are You a Survivor? [Re: Barkabus]
LW1527 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/14/08
Posts: 408
Loc: Salt Lake City Ut
God, this hits to the core, doesn't it. Like experiencing it all over again. It sounds stupid,but it's like there's this bond that happens instantly. Feelings unite and we feel each other's pain and sorrow and darkness.

So sorry

Lance


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#241761 - 08/01/08 01:35 PM Re: Are You a Survivor? [Re: LW1527]
BJK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/02/07
Posts: 1526
Barkabus,

I think I was the one who triggered you in chat yesterday. Unfortunately, I saw this post, saw you were online, and jumped into the chatroom to see if I could lend some words of comfort. Instead, what came out were words of discomfort....and I knew it as soon as I said it.

I already apologized, so all I can say at this point is that I understand your pain.

I have to add something, though. I've got a lot of experience on message boards like this one as well as being on usenet since the late '80's when that was all the internet was. I've learned, over that time, to take everything that people proclaim on the internet with a grain of salt. People tend to make things up to feel or to sound important.

Now, I'm not saying that anyone here is lying. What I am saying is that we all need to learn to offer support while taking that possibility into consideration.

One of the most prolific results of our abuse is the fact that we learned unhealthy behaviors. We need to be wary of those behaviors in others while we work to fix those behaviors in ourselves.

Yes, I would do all I can for this 17 year old. However, at the same time, the sadness and the regret I feel for this 17 year old is the same sadness and regret that I feel for all 17 year olds. I can't personalize his situation because I don't know him well enough, but I can be empathetic because of all of his peers that are in the same situation.

I hope I was able to get this through adequately because I am not making any accusations, nor do I mean any disrespect.

Bryan

_________________________
Revenge is nothing more than another way of perpetuating abuse.

What the world needs now
Is some new words of wisdom
Like la la la la la la la la la.
-David Lowery

Having a friend who will keep a secret for you is worthless compared to a friend who won't keep a secret from you.

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#241768 - 08/01/08 01:53 PM Re: Are You a Survivor? [Re: BJK]
LW1527 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/14/08
Posts: 408
Loc: Salt Lake City Ut
I want to be belived when I post here. I spent my life with no one believing or taking what I said with a grain of salt. My ideas, my thought were all discounted as rantings from some lunatic. When someone posts here, I don't want to make that judgement whether I should believe them. I want to believe them as much as I want to be believed. It is called respect and honor.

Lance


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#241771 - 08/01/08 02:05 PM Re: Are You a Survivor? [Re: LW1527]
BJK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/02/07
Posts: 1526
Lance,

What I'm saying is not that you shouldn't believe others who post on here. What I am saying is that you should be prepared for what those others say to not be true....without subjecting yourself to emotional turmoil based on the experiences of someone you barely know, if at all.

It is possible to do both.

Bryan

_________________________
Revenge is nothing more than another way of perpetuating abuse.

What the world needs now
Is some new words of wisdom
Like la la la la la la la la la.
-David Lowery

Having a friend who will keep a secret for you is worthless compared to a friend who won't keep a secret from you.

Top
#241777 - 08/01/08 02:35 PM Re: Are You a Survivor? [Re: BJK]
hogan_dawg Offline
Guest

Registered: 03/26/08
Posts: 492
Bryan I do not understand.

Is there some reason I should not believe the story of this 17 year old person?





Edited by hogan_dawg (08/01/08 02:48 PM)
_________________________
I can say unequivocally that the lie of "To truly heal you must first forgive" has derailed more victims than the abusers themselves.
Andrew Vachs, 2003

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#241778 - 08/01/08 02:41 PM Re: Are You a Survivor? [Re: hogan_dawg]
LW1527 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/14/08
Posts: 408
Loc: Salt Lake City Ut
Boy, this is heavy. I can see both sides here. The thought of having someone here prentending for some reason is, well, triggering to say the least. I mean, we lived in such lies all of our lives. At least I came here trusting and I think we need to go on trusting. Maybe we will be better if we error on the side of trust and if we give emotion and caring for someone who is a pretender, then we are still better for giving of ourselves freely. On the other hand, it's not wrong either to look for a red flag once and awhile.

Lance


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#241781 - 08/01/08 02:58 PM Re: Are You a Survivor? [Re: LW1527]
JustScott Offline
Greeter Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/27/08
Posts: 2572
Eye's Wide Open and Eternal Vigilance.

It's happened before, bound to happen again.

Don't know this person you spoke to in chat, but I usually watch myself and try to keep myself protected.

If I start getting triggered or uneasy, I leave.

Watch over you own safety first.


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#241783 - 08/01/08 03:08 PM Re: Are You a Survivor? [Re: JustScott]
LW1527 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/14/08
Posts: 408
Loc: Salt Lake City Ut
This is really confusing and upsetting. What are the red flags to look for? Why do people do this? Am I too trusting? Must be, look at my life.

Lance


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#241788 - 08/01/08 03:16 PM Re: Are You a Survivor? [Re: LW1527]
JustScott Offline
Greeter Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/27/08
Posts: 2572
Really, just be yourself. You be honest and do what you need to do for yourself. Just let the mods worry about the others.

There is usually something that stands out with people who aren't being honest and eventually they either leave as more and more people call them on what they've said or the mods figure it out and send them packing.

There are a core group of people here that are honest and trustworthy. The longer you're here the better you'll know who they are. Don't let a few bad apples in the past get to you. Currently I don't know of anyone not being honest.


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#241789 - 08/01/08 03:19 PM Re: Are You a Survivor? [Re: JustScott]
hogan_dawg Offline
Guest

Registered: 03/26/08
Posts: 492
Yeah I don't see the benefit of mistrusting off the bat - just gets in the way of empathy, understanding, intimacy, all that good stuff.

I don't mind looking foolish for trusting someone that deceives me. I'll wait until I have reason to disbelieve, then I'll disbelieve.

_________________________
I can say unequivocally that the lie of "To truly heal you must first forgive" has derailed more victims than the abusers themselves.
Andrew Vachs, 2003

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