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#241498 - 07/31/08 06:42 AM Afraid of losing her....HELP ME
thecoopstah Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/19/04
Posts: 589
Loc: massachusetts
I'm so wracked with fear and anguish and fright that explaining the kind of day lisa had yesterday at work as a result of being off for the last 2 weeks after having a total hysterectomy is ripping me apart.

My fiancee walked out on her job yesterday after working as a a Vet Tech for the last 7 years because her boss is a no good piece oh @#$% who treated and disrespected her long enough.

I have been awake since 3AM because i had to take her yet again back to the hospital where she had her total hysterectomy because she is either hemmorraging,although she is "supposed to be spotting" she webt through 3 pads within 3 hours.I called her drs answering service who performed the procedure on her and he called back,lisa told him she is clotting and it's as though she is having her typical period.

I dont have the energy to share the details and the why's and how everything came to a head on wednesday.She called me and asked me to come get her,i am driving down a state highway and she wanted out of the animal hospital so bad she started walking home and when she got in the car she was absolutely hysterically crying and hyperventalating to the point she was sweating profusely and could not catch her breath........anyway i am so afraid something is seriously wrong and if that's the case i'm not so sure if i can go on .....she means more to me then the air i breath.

1) are we not meant to be together

2) What do i do that i have not already done since she was discharged from the hospital after having her surgery

3)i am so filled with paranoia that it's all my fault that her work issues are my fault

4) what do i do

5) how can i even begin to settle myself down and yet be strong for her


These questions and many more are spinning around in my head and i dont know if i can take much more of how people treat her, i know i can't save her from the world and fight her battles but she just went back to work on wednesday and the stress level ,by the way she is real good at dealing witrh finally reached it's breaking point.

I feel so helpless and afraid what do i do to help myself....the last 4 weeks for me have been so overwhelming that i had to drink at least 4-5 times to settle my nerves....i'm an alcoholic mind you,if it were not 6:30 in the mroning i'm not sure if i could stop myself from picking up a bottle of soco ( southern comfort) and get smashed.

It rips me apart inside seeing her go through this when i want to UNLOAD on her self absorbed selfish no good coward boss....

yet lisa wants me to keep my mouth shut and i told her i would but let me say this because i need to stop otherwise i'll be writing until the friggin cows some home,if i see this boss of hers i am not sure if i will be able to keep my mouth shut and leave "it" alone....my skin crawls when people treat the one person in my life who loves me unconditionally, as i love her more then the life i have built with her,with utter contempt as though she is yesterdays trash.

She needs me right now and i am not sure if i can take much more of this....it's taking it's toll on me afterall how much can a person take before they lose it.......i'm afraid i am falling apart and unable to think rationally....i need to get some sleep seeing i went to bed at 11PM last night and up at 2:30AM ....

_________________________
" You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have "

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#241501 - 07/31/08 07:54 AM Re: Afraid of losing her....HELP ME [Re: thecoopstah]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6401
Loc: 2.5 NATO Nations
Coop,

Because you ask (in number 4 above)

I'm gonna be direct here. This is one of those times you have to suck-it-up and be strong for her...but you already know that. You ARE strong! I've seen enough evidence of this from you over the past. You ARE strong. I fear that you are measuring yourself against a standard that you cannot meet. Let's keep it real!

Be there for her. Be with her. Be her advocate. Hold her hand.

Don't worry about the jerk boss. Forget he exists. Focus on Lisa.

I don't know if you are a believer, but I'm gonna put the two of you on a prayer list at my Church.

Please keep us up-to-date Coop.

_________________________
Wishing You Were Here!

The Aftermath Video

The Water Buffalo Song

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#241595 - 07/31/08 07:55 PM Re: Afraid of losing her....HELP ME [Re: Still]
DanM Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/09/07
Posts: 540
Loc: So. California
Coop,

I know this is a very stressful time for you and for and Lisa. I think that Rob is right when he said this is one of those times that yu have to suck it up and be their for her. Your #1 concern should be Lisa and her health. Focusing on this other stuff is only going to drain you emotionally and physically. You need to conserve yourself for the is the issue at hand...Lisa! You have to do everything you can to keep your wits about you. You can't be freaking out and stressing her out. Step back and take some deep breathes and calm yourself. You are not going to be any help if you can't stay focused and calm. It is obvious that you love her very much and that she loves you. Try and keep these negative thoughts out of your mind and focus on what a priviledge it is to be able to show the woman you love how much you love her by being there for her and by taking care of her. The last thing you want to do for either of you is to begin drinking again. You have too much respect for yourself and Lisa to allow that to happen. We are here for you when the times get tough....lean on us... there are enough of us on here who care and will keep you standing.

I wish a quick and complete recovery for Lisa. I know you have what it takes to get you through these upcoming weeks. Continue to be strong and keep us up dated. I will keep you both in my prayers.

Dan


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#241633 - 07/31/08 11:22 PM Re: Afraid of losing her....HELP ME [Re: DanM]
LittleMiss Offline


Registered: 07/02/08
Posts: 66
Loc: USA
Coop - your #1 scares me. "are we not meant to be together".

That sounds like my husband talking. Life is hard (as we all know, huh?). When thing are hard, it is NOT a sign you are on the wrong path. When things are not easy, it is NOT as sign that you are not meant to be together. You know you love her. You know she loves you. You guys are going through a ruff patch. It is NOT Karma, Fate, God, Mother Nature telling you to part ways. It just isn't.

What the guys told you above is good advice. I just wanted to point out that one thing, because it is so familiar to me.

Take care Coop. Its going to get better.

_________________________
LittleMiss

The woods are lovely, dark and deep. But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep, And miles to go before I sleep.

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#241635 - 07/31/08 11:33 PM Re: Afraid of losing her....HELP ME [Re: LittleMiss]
Cobain28 Offline


Registered: 07/28/08
Posts: 15
Loc: Oshawa, Ontario, Canada
I feel for you Coop. Love is such a hard thing to negotiate with ourselves and we can sometimes constantly question whether what we are experiencing will be worth what might be in the future. You sound like to love this woman incredibly much and like you beleive that she's worth the torrential downpour you're experiencing. Love is never always hard, but when it is hard it is a true test of our faith in one another. Love is one of those things that can beat the living snot out of us and we will come crawling back to it no matter what we lose. Just remember you're worth fighting for and so is she. I hope you work things out and keep strong. Wisdom is gained through suffering.

Matthew

_________________________
"Society, your crazy breed, hope you're not angry if I disagree." -Eddie Vedder-

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#241710 - 08/01/08 09:58 AM Re: Afraid of losing her....HELP ME [Re: Cobain28]
Trish4850 Offline
BoD Liaison Emeritus
MaleSurvivor<

Registered: 10/15/05
Posts: 3280
Loc: New Jersey
Coop,

What Lisa is going through is 100% a physical reaction to the hysterectomy. Her hormones and the rest of her body are like a super nova exploding in space. There is little to no control. I watched my mother go through it and it was torture, especially because we were planning my wedding at the time. This isn't true for all women, but it is true for many, maybe even most, especially when a woman is younger and her body is no where near ready to make such changes. I know it's hard for you, but there is nothing you can do except control your reactions to her. My Mom used to tell me that she could hear herself, she knew she was being unreasonable, whether she was crying or raging, but that she was powerless to stop the woman we saw on the outside. She wanted to be the calm loving woman she was, but was powerless for periods of time to stop the "psycho" her word, not mine, from taking control.

ROCK ON.........Trish

_________________________
If you fall down 10 times, Stand up 11.

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