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#241420 - 07/30/08 09:01 PM the hurt of "positive thinking"
usmc97 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 08/02/05
Posts: 437
Loc: Colorado
I don't get how everything that helps others does nothing to help me. That kind of stuff is exactly what people use to label me as negative. Why? because I've done it all time and again with the "right" attitude and not had any success in this healing thing that everyone else is so fond of, the things I need I'm not allowed to have. I don't rate a moment of peace.

The assumption is that if something didn't work then you didn't do it right. It's always your fault when you are left behind. That's not right. That's why I don't exist.

"Positive thinking" is not an accurate belief and it is not true for everyone so I wish people would keep it to themselves when they find that it isn't a welcomed suggestion. I for one am incapable of looking at the bright side. It's not a choice it is what it is, I did not always lack the ability.

_________________________
Semper Fi

The statistics? 1 in 4, 1 in 6?
...then there's me the imaginary number

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#241421 - 07/30/08 09:07 PM Re: the hurt of "positive thinking" [Re: usmc97]
Tinman Offline


Registered: 05/30/08
Posts: 359
Loc: Lake Forest, CA
USMC you have a very valid point. Positive thinking in itself does nothing.

What works for me may not work for you. And that is just reality. I had to find my own path and, sorry to say, you must find yours. Because your path has to be yours. For you to claim. Not just because someone told you to do this or do that.

Finally, you DO exist to me.

_________________________
Tinman
"I finally have my heart!"

To the perps: Don't worry about me coming after you. But you damn well better watch out for God! "Vengeance is mine", saith the Lord

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#241422 - 07/30/08 09:17 PM Re: the hurt of "positive thinking" [Re: usmc97]
blueshift Offline
Guest

Registered: 01/21/08
Posts: 1242
Loc: infinity
Some of the most negative people are ironically people who preach "positive thinking" and go around bitching about all those horrible "negative" people. (like I'm doing right now?lol)

For myself, i don't see the glass half full or half empty because it is always both and the wisdom of believing you know what is good or bad seems dubious to me.



Edited by blueshift (07/30/08 09:17 PM)
_________________________
My Story
My Art

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#241488 - 07/31/08 03:12 AM Re: the hurt of "positive thinking" [Re: blueshift]
LN3(SS) Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/20/08
Posts: 486
Loc: MD
I often feel the exact same way. The only difference is that I want people to give their suggestions. It validates the fact that at least I exist. Even if I am 10 steps behind where they are, their acknowledgement that I exist is important to me.

Even though you don't feel you look at the bright side, your opinions sometimes are optimistic to me. Yes, you exist to me. You matter to me. I'm proud to be able to say that.

_________________________
"When we go into battle, I will be the first to set foot on the field, and I will be the last to step off, and I will leave no one behind. Dead, or alive, we will all come home together." LTG Hal Moore, Jr., USA (Ret.)

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#241493 - 07/31/08 05:38 AM Re: the hurt of "positive thinking" [Re: LN3(SS)]
dark empathy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/26/07
Posts: 1928
Loc: durham, north england
If people don't mind me playing philosopher here, it striks me that "positive thinking" might not be as monolythic as it seems.

There are afterall lots of things, experiences, evaluations of ourselves and others, thoughts about our lives, projects we complete etc which can all be either positive or negative and which might have no effect at all upon the rest.

I'm saying this because at the moment I'm really struggling with self despising, even though i have lots of things in my life which i enjoy doing.

appologies if this is a load of rubbish, it just struck me as a good antidote to those people who preach constant positivism at all times.


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#241572 - 07/31/08 03:58 PM . [Re: dark empathy]
bardo213 Offline
Guest

Registered: 11/21/07
Posts: 811
.


Edited by bardo213 (06/21/13 06:07 PM)

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#241634 - 07/31/08 11:28 PM Re: the hurt of "positive thinking" [Re: bardo213]
usmc97 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 08/02/05
Posts: 437
Loc: Colorado
My hard work has never paid off, so that right there is a false statement. If a person has done everything in every way available and there is no other avenue to try and work things out, how are you left to blame someone like me? It's things like that that hardly anyone understands. Because I am not better is not from lack of effort. I am not bitter, what I go through is not a consequence to my actions. It's a hell on it's own that I did not create.

How am I expected to think positively about my torture everyday? How am I supposed to like it and carry on?

I've been extremely active in the "healing process", thing is that none of it has done anything to change my getting hurt repeatedly in ways that most don't understand to begin with.

What I go through does not have a grace period where I can sit back and recooperate before the next obstical. It is not temperary or just emotional. Today is not a blessing and neither is tomorrow or the next day because each day I am subject to some combination of being raped and tortured, beaten, confined, punished, mutilated, or neglected. "positive" people have not walked in my shoes, they don't have a clue or else I wouldn't be told the things they say. Saying that they have been where I am is not true either and all that does is try and deminish me in their ignorance. So after that do I really exist? If I do then why am I talked to like everything I go through is imaginary.

No matter how you put it, the "positive thinking" model poses blame upon folks like me and I won't accept fault when I have done nothing wrong. Nobody should put that on anyone's shoulders either, it's whoever's belief and whoever should keep it to themselves. There is no bright side it what is done to me.

_________________________
Semper Fi

The statistics? 1 in 4, 1 in 6?
...then there's me the imaginary number

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#241660 - 08/01/08 01:32 AM Re: the hurt of "positive thinking" [Re: usmc97]
usmc97 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 08/02/05
Posts: 437
Loc: Colorado
I feel I should add that there is a difference between genuine encouragement and the positive thinking thing. I have hope for others but not much for myself.

_________________________
Semper Fi

The statistics? 1 in 4, 1 in 6?
...then there's me the imaginary number

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#241666 - 08/01/08 01:43 AM Re: the hurt of "positive thinking" [Re: usmc97]
Letourski Offline


Registered: 03/15/08
Posts: 302
Loc: Canada
Hi USMC97,

You are right, you are not to blame in this situation and nobody can truly say we know what you are going through. What I can say is we are all on different roads to recovery and each of us feels our abuse in very different ways but together through the struggle we are not alone.

The fact that you are here now posting and surviving proves your very existence and everyone who has contributed to your thread can feel your existence. I have to agree that there are no positives to be found in abuse and torture. I myself cannot look at something so terrible and stay positive. What I can do is look within myself and say that I am strong for surviving the abuse up to this point. We can believe that eventually there will be more than pain and ugly inside.

Just these views in themselves are positive and I know for me it's what has gotten me this far down the road in my recovery. Somehow we have made it, the child turned adult had to create ways to survive and it pains me to hear that you have to endure the abuses today but rest assured you have 5000+ men fighting for the same cause.

You exist, we hear you!

Dan

_________________________
I am the warrior.

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#241713 - 08/01/08 10:06 AM Re: the hurt of "positive thinking" [Re: Letourski]
LW1527 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/14/08
Posts: 408
Loc: Salt Lake City Ut
I hate Positive thinking. My mom was always telling me to think good happy thoughts and then all the bad stuff would just go away. I think encouragement thinking, being your own cheering section, all that is very good. But to me positive thinking is a way to erase the bad that has happened and we can't do that at least not now. Sometimes positive thinking just stuffs the abuse back deep inside. Just my thoughts only. I hope it doesn't bother anyone.

Lance


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#241729 - 08/01/08 11:23 AM Re: the hurt of "positive thinking" [Re: LW1527]
JustScott Offline
Greeter Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/27/08
Posts: 2572
Happy Face
Happy Thoughts
..... Happy load O' Crap.

I agree. While I think that idea if thinking positively can work in some cases, there are just some things that positive thinking falls totally into the category of denial.

I keep getting hit by one mac truck after another lately. How is positive thinking going to help me deal with all that? Truth is, it's not. I gotta deal with each mess as it arrives.

Maybe the best "positive" I can find that has nothing to do with the situations I have to deal with is that here and there I have people I can talk to and vent with and just take a few moments to spew out all the negative thinking!

I remember after I shared with my parents about my past, my father told me that I needed to remember that it was in the past.... Yeah...... ok. The events are, but the pain and anguish are here and now. Some people just try to ignore the troubles and hope they go away.

I prefer to think real rather than positive or negative. Then when things aren't as bad as the bad thinking or aren't all cute and cuddly like the positive thinking, I'm all ready to deal with it head on because the real meets up with what I see.


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#241740 - 08/01/08 12:52 PM Re: the hurt of "positive thinking" [Re: JustScott]
LW1527 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/14/08
Posts: 408
Loc: Salt Lake City Ut
YES - REAL is the answer. We lived our life in what seemed unreal. We denied it for years. REAL is the only place we can live now. You are right, no positive or negative, just REAL. Thanks.

Lance


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#241775 - 08/01/08 02:22 PM . [Re: LW1527]
bardo213 Offline
Guest

Registered: 11/21/07
Posts: 811
.


Edited by bardo213 (06/21/13 06:11 PM)

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#241798 - 08/01/08 04:03 PM Re: the hurt of "positive thinking" [Re: bardo213]
LW1527 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/14/08
Posts: 408
Loc: Salt Lake City Ut
My mood swings are from DID, but I have them pretty much under control except for today. I do okay without meds so far.


Lance


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#241820 - 08/01/08 05:58 PM Re: the hurt of "positive thinking" [Re: LW1527]
usmc97 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 08/02/05
Posts: 437
Loc: Colorado
Me being real doesn't go over well most of the time, I don't think that I am negative but that's the label.... I just don't have a bright side to what's being done to me. I don't have much control of my life either, actually I have very little and I am not able to gain any ground.

That's where I get the "you're not doing enough" kind of stuff, or the "it's your choice to allow your life not to change".

Things with me have nothing to do with my efforts, I just simply don't get relief no matter what I do and I have done everything, multiple times. Nothing stops THEM from doing all the horrible stuff they want to do to me.

_________________________
Semper Fi

The statistics? 1 in 4, 1 in 6?
...then there's me the imaginary number

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#241879 - 08/01/08 10:39 PM Re: the hurt of "positive thinking" [Re: Tinman]
Dude. Offline
Guest

Registered: 01/26/08
Posts: 106
Loc: USA
Originally Posted By: Tinman
Positive thinking in itself does nothing.



Bullshit.

Positive thinking has kept me going.


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#241970 - 08/02/08 02:08 PM . [Re: Dude.]
bardo213 Offline
Guest

Registered: 11/21/07
Posts: 811
.


Edited by bardo213 (06/21/13 06:11 PM)

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#242031 - 08/02/08 09:38 PM Re: the hurt of "positive thinking" [Re: LW1527]
Bewlayb1 Offline
Guest

Registered: 08/03/07
Posts: 241
Loc: NYC
I don't believe in positive thinking. I believe in logical thinking.

Fact: my love life is miserable and I'm as confused as shit. Do I think I'm likely to bump into my soul mate tomorrow on the way to the train? No. Do I think I'll be alone forever? No. I've changed so much and have improved in so many other realms.

I try to get upset as little as possible. I also try to never get my hopes up. I've been disappointed too many times. I guess the key word is "analyze." Nothing is either as bad, or as good as it seems if you fully understand it.

I'm not saying it's the right way. But it works best for me.


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#242063 - 08/03/08 12:37 AM Re: the hurt of "positive thinking" [Re: Bewlayb1]
usmc97 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 08/02/05
Posts: 437
Loc: Colorado
THEM are my tormentors, it's about what's being done to me now that's not understood. No I don't carry fault in it either. What can make me happy when I'm constantly getting tortured? I can't look passed it, I can't think happy thoughts about it, I can't ignore any of what THEY do to my body.

But to so many it's as easy as seeing some brightside. What happens when that brightside don't exist for someone as in with me? If I just think positive, somehow it's supposed to all get better or go away? That sure didn't work when I was little. The now is worse than then. There is nothing good about it.

_________________________
Semper Fi

The statistics? 1 in 4, 1 in 6?
...then there's me the imaginary number

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#242166 - 08/03/08 07:22 PM . [Re: usmc97]
bardo213 Offline
Guest

Registered: 11/21/07
Posts: 811
.


Edited by bardo213 (06/21/13 06:11 PM)

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#242207 - 08/04/08 03:19 AM Re: the hurt of "positive thinking" [Re: bardo213]
usmc97 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 08/02/05
Posts: 437
Loc: Colorado
I've never been a doormat, I've not chosen to be miserable either. THEY torture and rape me so how do I really cope with that? There is no way that I have any chance to protect myself from THEM. THEY are not everyday people, THEY are my perps. My captivity is not because of my failure, it is because of what THEY do to me. That which few understand and most doubt. I was not always like this... If I were, how would I ever have held any ground in the Corps.

I do hold to the motto of Semper Fidelis.... I try with no victory in sight. The Iwo Jima memorial is stamped on me. If you knew the true meaning of it all then there would be no questioning of me. My honesty is taken for negativity when it's just a true observation of what I continually have to go through.

_________________________
Semper Fi

The statistics? 1 in 4, 1 in 6?
...then there's me the imaginary number

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