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#241231 - 07/29/08 10:45 PM An Ode to Mysery
BJK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/02/07
Posts: 1526
I've had several people tell me over the years that all a person needs is three chords and the truth. Well, this one started out with two chords before I added a bridge.

It's called "An Ode to Mysery", and the last line sums up why quite nicely.

An Ode to Mysery

Every once in a while I need to be put in my place.
That's something alone I can't do.
And every once in a while I find something I can't replace,
And this time that something was you.

Every once in a while I try to sleep at night,
And I just can't close my eyes.
I think I can't get what I want
No matter how hard I try.
And then I think that I should just push daisies instead.
When you've given up on living you could just as well be dead.

Every once in a while I stop where I am and look ahead.
All I see is horizon and sky.
I dream of hills, but no hills are there. This plane it never ends.
A child is born and then one day he'll die.



Edited by BJK (07/29/08 10:46 PM)
_________________________
Revenge is nothing more than another way of perpetuating abuse.

What the world needs now
Is some new words of wisdom
Like la la la la la la la la la.
-David Lowery

Having a friend who will keep a secret for you is worthless compared to a friend who won't keep a secret from you.

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#241598 - 07/31/08 08:24 PM Re: An Ode to Mysery [Re: BJK]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Bryan,

That last line is a powerful one. And the one before it as well. I remember thinking about that when I was 12; I had been born, I would die, and what stood in between was never going to change from what was happening to me now. Nothing but the numbing drill of abuse episodes and the robotic life that filled in between them. A few minutes later I was in the kitchen with a knife on my wrist. A few after that I discovered the joys of alcohol poisoning, and then later junk.

I can't look back and see a specific time when I knew things would get better. I hoped for that when a teacher in college cared about me and yet didn't want sex from me (that made no sense to me).

One thing I do know now is that if I had committed to my recovery earlier things would have improved a lot sooner. Well, maybe not. A lot has changed in the past 15 years. But I can tell you for sure that whatever you get from work on recovery is worth it. I used to hear guys say that here, and I would think "Shut the fuck up". ;\) But it's true.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#241606 - 07/31/08 09:38 PM Re: An Ode to Mysery [Re: roadrunner]
BJK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/02/07
Posts: 1526
A very difficult aspect of recovery for me was in forgiving myself for waiting so long to finally face my past, but I've come to realize that something specific had to happen to make me face my past. Yeah, things might have gotten better a long time ago had I decided to face it all sooner. However, I have come to realize that giving up drugs, alcohol, and gambling sooner than I did would have been a recipe for disaster.

I forgive myself for spending 20 years of my life drunk or stoned.

Looking through these old folders has had a powerful effect on me.

Bryan

_________________________
Revenge is nothing more than another way of perpetuating abuse.

What the world needs now
Is some new words of wisdom
Like la la la la la la la la la.
-David Lowery

Having a friend who will keep a secret for you is worthless compared to a friend who won't keep a secret from you.

Top
#241610 - 07/31/08 09:41 PM Re: An Ode to Mysery [Re: BJK]
Sans Logos Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/31/03
Posts: 5791
Loc: in my own world in pittsburgh,...
bryan i'm glad to know i'm not the only one who sometimes feels like they are taking 3 steps forward and one step back. still all in all, progress is progress. thanks for sharing, it helps,

ron

_________________________
  1. the past
  2. ReClaiming Now
  3. advocacy


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#242003 - 08/02/08 06:39 PM Re: An Ode to Mysery [Re: Sans Logos]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Bryan,

I read something in Mike Lew's Victims No Longer that really helped me in this area. He said that a survivor will begin working on an issue or take some decisive step as soon as he can - not one moment before. He stresses that we shouldn't beat ourselves up for the lost years because whatever we regret not doing sooner, we could not have done sooner. I look back on my own recovery and I think he's right.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

Top
#467989 - 07/25/14 11:07 PM Re: An Ode to Mysery [Re: BJK]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 3615
Loc: O Kanada
i love this.

the words speak to me,
as i read them.
it sings itself.
i can hear the melody.

well written.
_________________________
Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

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