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#240506 - 07/27/08 09:47 AM sunday morning - time for church
markgreyblue Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/19/03
Posts: 5400
Loc: Pasadena, CA
i woke up this morning,and became aware of an internal bitterness.
it's like i could close my eyes and see green.

the abuse started at 6 or 7 and immediately it was used as a tool
to divide me from my best friend by a new boy on the block.

since that day, my self esteem and neighborhood acceptance plummeted - my athletic skills and confidence disappeared.

i developed dark circles under my eyes and grew to question motives.

in some ways i know i am strong - and 'courageous' where others aren't

but the simplist of relationships are very hard for me -
as i know they are for others here -

i think church is important to me

becoming increasingly important to me -

and not just faith.

for better or worse i am a scaredy cat.
scared of my self and others.

though at times i can appreciate others appreciably - so

it's been said... it's seems at the expense of my self.

i think i want to be part of the equation.

i think as i get to know myself and how i feel about things

i know church is important to me.

_________________________
"...do not look outside yourself for the leader."
-wisdom of the hopi elders

"...the sign of a true leader is service..." - anonymous



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#240507 - 07/27/08 10:01 AM Re: sunday morning - time for church [Re: markgreyblue]
markgreyblue Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/19/03
Posts: 5400
Loc: Pasadena, CA
in all honesty this could be a 'saturday after' kind of post

yet - i kind of want to relax with friends - and not always feel like it's a recipe for disaster...

i am an adult with adult motivations at this point.
i just wish i had gotten to be a kid.

_________________________
"...do not look outside yourself for the leader."
-wisdom of the hopi elders

"...the sign of a true leader is service..." - anonymous



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#240544 - 07/27/08 01:52 PM Re: sunday morning - time for church [Re: markgreyblue]
EGL Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 06/19/04
Posts: 7821
Hi Mark,

I wish you had just gotten to be a kid, too. Well, for me, too. I think you ARE very courageous and strong, too, Mark. It takes a lot of stength and courage to talk about this stuff, and that shows in you.

Church is important to me, too. I went this morning and as we were singing a song, tears welled up in my eyes and I had to fight them back. It was a song about how God loves us and for some reason, I was feeling that deeply. For some reason, the concept of God loving me always evokes a strong emotion in me.

_________________________
Eddie

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#240656 - 07/28/08 04:36 AM Re: sunday morning - time for church [Re: EGL]
markgreyblue Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/19/03
Posts: 5400
Loc: Pasadena, CA
Many thanks Eddie.

_________________________
"...do not look outside yourself for the leader."
-wisdom of the hopi elders

"...the sign of a true leader is service..." - anonymous



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