Mike,

The most telling thing...is the order in which they are offered, uh?

"Why does it have to be my fault?"

I can only speak from my experience. But it had to be "my" fault because I relied on them for everything. A place to stay, food to eat, my clothes and what minimal emotional contact there was.

It was easier to think, in the whole big broad spectrum of things...that it was my fault, because if it was their fault, I was screwed, nowhere and nothing was safe.


:-)


CD

My aunt always tells me how important it is to only keep my side of the road clean. At some point in our lives, we learn that keeping other people's side of the road clean prevents their stuff from spilling over onto our side. However, it takes way to much work and way too much responsibility to keep both sides of the road clean. At some point, we have to say "enough is enough. If your stuff starts spilling over to my side of the road, I'm just going to sweep it back."

Dave also has a great point. The day I thought of my mother and realized that everything she had ever told me was a lie, I also realized that my entire life was a lie. I was screwed. Every single friend I had ever held a grudge against, every single time I thought I was right...well...I owe a lot of people a lot of apologies. But that's my side of the road. I refuse to make excuses or apologies for my mother anymore.

Bryan

Because your mom has no experience or knowledge on how to deal with the presentation of your issues, and there are also some boundary and/or codependancy issues going on too. Get her a copy of ABUSED BOYS, just so that maybe she will have some knowledge of that issue, maybe John Bradshaw's FAMILY book too, which you can give her after you get done with it. You didn't have this problem when she was 1000 miles away, or at least it wasn't enough of a problem that it needed to be dealt with. Now that you are close by, she and you need to resolve the one issue, and she needs more knowledge in order to be of help in resolving your other issues.

Look Mike, none of it is your fault.

Mark