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#240951 - 07/29/08 10:31 AM Re: I FORGIVE THEM [Re: roadrunner]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6350
Loc: 2 NATO Nations
I'm a couple of days into this "forgive-them" mode. My heart is still 40 lbs lighter. It is in fact "light."

_________________________
Jesus Loves The Hell Outta Me!

Still's Globs

New Video

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#240957 - 07/29/08 10:47 AM Re: I FORGIVE THEM [Re: Still]
KENKEN Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/25/07
Posts: 762
Loc: NOTHERN COLORADO
Rob,
You also have me thinking about my perp. brother. Like Larry posted b/4 me, I have/had no desire or any thoughts regarding forgiveness toward my brother. I am having a hard time trying to understand how he could have used and abused me, now over 40 some years ago, and not ever mentioning or even a hint to me that he was sorry for what he did. He calls me at Christmas and for my birthday every year. Never a mention of the past. Well, next month after I confront him, I am sure the tables will be turned.

But, I am now thinking more about letting go and putting my trust in God. In the end he does have to answer to God. You definitely have my mind thinking. Perhaps after I confront I will be able to let go.

I am really happy for you.

Ken

_________________________
I AM A GOOD PERSON, I AM A GOOD MAN

From the Movie: Antwone Fisher

***WOR ALUMNI SEQUOIA MARCH 2008***

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#240994 - 07/29/08 12:57 PM Re: I FORGIVE THEM [Re: KENKEN]
hogan_dawg Offline
Guest

Registered: 03/26/08
Posts: 492
I am really happy for you too Robbie!

Best, Dawg

_________________________
I can say unequivocally that the lie of "To truly heal you must first forgive" has derailed more victims than the abusers themselves.
Andrew Vachs, 2003

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#241039 - 07/29/08 02:44 PM Re: I FORGIVE THEM [Re: hogan_dawg]
BJK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/02/07
Posts: 1526
I have to point out again what an awesome thread this is.

Yes, I do think that forgiveness is an essential part of the recovery process, but I have also come to realize that forgiveness simply cannot be forced. In order to get to this point, we need to deal with our anger. We need to vent it...let it out...force it out. One day, we will wake up and realize that the anger is all gone, and what's left in its place is forgiveness.

Bryan

_________________________
Revenge is nothing more than another way of perpetuating abuse.

What the world needs now
Is some new words of wisdom
Like la la la la la la la la la.
-David Lowery

Having a friend who will keep a secret for you is worthless compared to a friend who won't keep a secret from you.

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#241072 - 07/29/08 03:53 PM Re: I FORGIVE THEM [Re: BJK]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6350
Loc: 2 NATO Nations
Bryan,

There is one bit of forgiveness I'm still working on. You can probably guess what/who is involved.

_________________________
Jesus Loves The Hell Outta Me!

Still's Globs

New Video

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#241075 - 07/29/08 03:56 PM Re: I FORGIVE THEM [Re: Still]
BJK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/02/07
Posts: 1526
Yep...I sure can, Rob. The most important one of all.

As well as the most difficult.

Bryan



Edited by BJK (07/29/08 03:57 PM)
_________________________
Revenge is nothing more than another way of perpetuating abuse.

What the world needs now
Is some new words of wisdom
Like la la la la la la la la la.
-David Lowery

Having a friend who will keep a secret for you is worthless compared to a friend who won't keep a secret from you.

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#241081 - 07/29/08 04:15 PM Re: I FORGIVE THEM [Re: roadrunner]
BJK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/02/07
Posts: 1526
Rob,

I have to add something. Look at this thread. At least two people have responded here saying that you have changed their perspective. By my count, that is two people with whom you have made a positive influence.

I think if you look, you'll eventually begin to find that there is someone there that deserves to be forgiven. He's done a lot of good in his life, even with only this thread, and at some point, that has to start outweighing the bad.

But, you know....that's also the one part of this journey you have to do on your own.

Bryan

_________________________
Revenge is nothing more than another way of perpetuating abuse.

What the world needs now
Is some new words of wisdom
Like la la la la la la la la la.
-David Lowery

Having a friend who will keep a secret for you is worthless compared to a friend who won't keep a secret from you.

Top
#241087 - 07/29/08 04:37 PM Re: I FORGIVE THEM [Re: roadrunner]
MusicMan Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 11/23/03
Posts: 144
Loc: Elmira, NY
Thanks Robbie for the post. I absolutely love what you have done for yourself. To me, you have reached the final stage of your recovery.

Forgiveness is what I have been searching for. I want to completely forgive all of my perps, all of them. I have been trying to do that.

All of my situations are different from each other and it is hard for me to how to FEEL the forgiveness because I am clouded with feelings that I do not understand. i can say that I forgive, but to actually feel it is difficult and I don't know how to do that yet.

God is good and never bad. Who am I that I can hold onto any anger and/or resentments?

I'm really glad that you forgave everyone. I am constantly reaching for that goal, and really mean it and feel it. I don't know how you did it, but you did. By God's grace, I will, too.

God bless, Robbie, and everyone who posted.
John, The Music Man.


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#241088 - 07/29/08 04:40 PM Re: I FORGIVE THEM [Re: MusicMan]
EGL Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 06/19/04
Posts: 7821
Rob,

I'm learning a lot from your example here with this. I'm hoping to get there some day myself with those from my past, and seeing you reach that point has given me a lot of hope for myself. Thanks for sharing this with us, it means a lot.

_________________________
Eddie

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#241114 - 07/29/08 07:19 PM Re: I FORGIVE THEM [Re: EGL]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Rob,

Man, am I ever learning from this thread! So much to think about. Thanks again for sharing this courageous step with us. You have taken one of the oldest and most frequent topics on the Discussion Board and totally owned it, and with such clarity and peace. I think that's what moves me most about it.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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