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#240516 - 07/27/08 11:31 AM trust - just found this site
petercorbett Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/27/08
Posts: 2451
Loc: TEXAS
Hi I'm Irishmoose, I just found this site, I was abused about 60 years ago, I've never really forgotten it, but put it in the deep recesses of my memory, I turned to alcohol to try and forget, I was treated for alcohol abuse while i was on active duty in the Air Force by a social actions officer, but I never told him the REAL reason for my drinking problem. I had seen the book Abused Boys in the base library, and at first I thought it was about physical, emotional & mental abuse ( these things affected me) but to my supprise it was about male child sex abuse, well I'm going to try and get some PTSD help by the military clinic here in Germany. I think that I've finally got up the courage to tell someone who will help me.



Edited by walkingsouth (07/27/08 11:52 AM)
_________________________
Working Boys' Home 10-14 yrs old, grades 5-8. 1949-1953
____________________________________________________________
A very humble alumni of the WOR Dahlonega, GA.
May 15-17 2009, Alta, Sep. 2009. Sequoia, 2010.
Hope Springs, 2010.


Top
#240517 - 07/27/08 11:35 AM Re: trust [Re: petercorbett]
CDavid Offline


Registered: 07/05/08
Posts: 184
Welcome to the site, petercorbett. :-)


You just did tell someone...


Good luck!!!


CD


Top
#240522 - 07/27/08 11:58 AM Re: trust [Re: CDavid]
petercorbett Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/27/08
Posts: 2451
Loc: TEXAS
Thanks for the encouragement, BROTHER.

_________________________
Working Boys' Home 10-14 yrs old, grades 5-8. 1949-1953
____________________________________________________________
A very humble alumni of the WOR Dahlonega, GA.
May 15-17 2009, Alta, Sep. 2009. Sequoia, 2010.
Hope Springs, 2010.


Top
#240523 - 07/27/08 11:59 AM Re: trust [Re: CDavid]
WalkingSouth Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16265
Hello Friend,

Glad you're with us. Like Dave said, "You just did tell someone..." That's an awesome step to have taken.

Safe Hugs,

John

_________________________
“Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘Holy ____…! What a ride!’” ~Hunter S. Thompson

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#240530 - 07/27/08 12:13 PM Re: trust - just found this site [Re: petercorbett]
Barkabus Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/09/08
Posts: 809
Hi Irishmoose,

Welcome to MaleSurvivor. You've found a great place for discovery, support and healing. I am so glad you were able to share with us. You are beginning to break the silence. This dark secret, hidden in the deep recesses of your memory for 60 years is NOW being released. Your journey of recovery has begun.

Its a bumpy road, this journey. You'll want to quit at times, I assure you of that. But let that be a sign to you that progress is being made. You'll find that guys here, and the women in the Friends & Family section really do care and will join you on this journey.

Thanks for finding us and as people say here, I'm sorry that you needed to.

Be well and take care.

Mike

_________________________
My Story

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#240532 - 07/27/08 12:20 PM Re: trust - just found this site [Re: Barkabus]
michael Joseph Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/11/01
Posts: 2719
Loc: Virginia
welcome

take care of yourself

this is a great place to come to when you want support and friends

_________________________
Standing together is so much better than hiding in the dark.
***I am a three time WoR Retreat Alumni***
The Round Table, Men's CSA Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

Top
#240543 - 07/27/08 01:42 PM Re: trust - just found this site [Re: michael Joseph]
EGL Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 06/19/04
Posts: 7821
Welcome, Peter, to MS and I hope you find some help here with what you need. This is an amazing resource and has helped me immensely on my own journey. Looking forward to having you on board.

Regards,
Eddie

_________________________
Eddie

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#240545 - 07/27/08 01:55 PM Re: trust [Re: petercorbett]
Sans Logos Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/31/03
Posts: 5791
Loc: in my own world in pittsburgh,...
petercorbett's in da house!!!!



welcome! hang in there! to quote herman munster: 'cheer up, it's bound to get worse'.

but you'll soon figure out that's all part of the process. we're here for you!!!!! don't hesitate to pm us or check out chat if have need to talk,

your brother in recovery,

ron

_________________________
  1. the past
  2. ReClaiming Now
  3. advocacy


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#240559 - 07/27/08 03:39 PM Re: trust [Re: Sans Logos]
michael banks Offline


Registered: 06/12/08
Posts: 1755
Loc: Mojave Desert, Ca
welcome petercorpett,
your among brothers.
Glad you found the site, there's alot of great guys.
mike

_________________________
To own one's shadow is the highest moral act of a human.
-Robert Johnson-

"IT ought never be forgotten that the past is the parent of the future" John C. Calhoun

WOR Alumni Sequoia 2009

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#240599 - 07/27/08 07:24 PM Re: trust [Re: michael banks]
FormerTexan Offline
Site Administrator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 09/12/04
Posts: 11138
Loc: Denver, CO
peter, welcome! I hope you find this resource a valuable one!

_________________________
List of things ain't nobody got time for:

1. That


If I could meet myself as a boy...

Top
#240654 - 07/28/08 04:07 AM Re: trust [Re: FormerTexan]
Syntaxed Offline
Member

Registered: 07/12/06
Posts: 54
Loc: St Louis, MO
Welcome. This site (specifically this board) has helped me so many times over the past few years to see that my pain -- which I thought was all my mine -- is shared by an unfortunate fraternity who share my feelings. Good luck to you sir.

Peace,

Chris

_________________________
At present: 1 step forward, 3 steps back.

http://sleepeatrepeat.blogspot.com

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#240655 - 07/28/08 04:19 AM Re: trust [Re: FormerTexan]
OKIE MIKE Offline
Member

Registered: 02/13/04
Posts: 982
Loc: HULBERT OK
Being a Male survivor , Trust is something that just comes with a lot of time. I was raped almost 31 years ago. I still find it hard to trust any one

_________________________
MICHAEL

"I HAD NO SHOES THEN I SAW A MAN THAT HAD NO FEET"

"All I can do is be me, whoever that is"

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#240658 - 07/28/08 05:24 AM Re: trust [Re: OKIE MIKE]
Syntaxed Offline
Member

Registered: 07/12/06
Posts: 54
Loc: St Louis, MO
Originally Posted By: OKIE MIKE
Being a Male survivor , Trust is something that just comes with a lot of time. I was raped almost 31 years ago. I still find it hard to trust any one

Ditto.

_________________________
At present: 1 step forward, 3 steps back.

http://sleepeatrepeat.blogspot.com

Top
#240666 - 07/28/08 08:24 AM Re: trust [Re: FormerTexan]
petercorbett Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/27/08
Posts: 2451
Loc: TEXAS
Hi, many thanks for the encouragment, and I hope that you are well. Thanks again.
Irishmoose

_________________________
Working Boys' Home 10-14 yrs old, grades 5-8. 1949-1953
____________________________________________________________
A very humble alumni of the WOR Dahlonega, GA.
May 15-17 2009, Alta, Sep. 2009. Sequoia, 2010.
Hope Springs, 2010.


Top
#240667 - 07/28/08 08:26 AM Re: trust [Re: Syntaxed]
petercorbett Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/27/08
Posts: 2451
Loc: TEXAS
Hi Mike, thanks for the encouragement. I feel the same way about trust 60 yrs later.
Thanks again.
Irishmoose

_________________________
Working Boys' Home 10-14 yrs old, grades 5-8. 1949-1953
____________________________________________________________
A very humble alumni of the WOR Dahlonega, GA.
May 15-17 2009, Alta, Sep. 2009. Sequoia, 2010.
Hope Springs, 2010.


Top
#240669 - 07/28/08 08:32 AM Re: trust [Re: Sans Logos]
petercorbett Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/27/08
Posts: 2451
Loc: TEXAS
Dear BROTHER, many THANKS from this old (69) man, I've been keeping this secret for 60 yrs and I'm now going to come to terms with it.
Thanks for the greetings.
Irishmoose

_________________________
Working Boys' Home 10-14 yrs old, grades 5-8. 1949-1953
____________________________________________________________
A very humble alumni of the WOR Dahlonega, GA.
May 15-17 2009, Alta, Sep. 2009. Sequoia, 2010.
Hope Springs, 2010.


Top
#240682 - 07/28/08 10:09 AM Re: trust [Re: Syntaxed]
petercorbett Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/27/08
Posts: 2451
Loc: TEXAS
Hi Syntaxed,
Thanks for your thoughts, I'm going to need a lot of help, now I know why I couldn't make any real relationships until into my 30's. I thank all you survivors out there for your encouragement and support. It only took me 69 yrs to figure it out, with the help of reading the book Abused Boys. Now it comes into focus.
Irishmoose

_________________________
Working Boys' Home 10-14 yrs old, grades 5-8. 1949-1953
____________________________________________________________
A very humble alumni of the WOR Dahlonega, GA.
May 15-17 2009, Alta, Sep. 2009. Sequoia, 2010.
Hope Springs, 2010.


Top
#240689 - 07/28/08 10:50 AM Re: trust [Re: FormerTexan]
LW1527 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/14/08
Posts: 408
Loc: Salt Lake City Ut
Hey, Peter! Glad you're here. Keep posting and we'll keep posting back. This is a great place. I've been here since May and the friends I have met are excellent! I love the support here. These are honest, supportive guys here. We are truly brothers here and I hope you will come back many times. Since I have been coming to MS Land, I have done a tremendous amount of growth and coming to terms with my abuse. I no longer feel alone. I hope you will not feel alone either.

Lance


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#240732 - 07/28/08 03:38 PM Re: trust [Re: LW1527]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Peter,

Welcome to the site and I'm glad you found us. I guess you can see you are welcome here! You hit on a good book there. Mic Hunter's Abused Boys is one of the classics, along with Mike Lew's Victims No Longer. I recommend both of them very highly.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#240943 - 07/29/08 09:45 AM Re: trust [Re: roadrunner]
petercorbett Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/27/08
Posts: 2451
Loc: TEXAS
Thanks from my heart to you all for your support. Just a few hours ago I got those memories back while washing dishes, I was real low, wanting to cry out, but I just can't bring myself to tell my 35 year old son about it. My German wife of 36 years wouldn't understand it. But my day of gudgement will come on this coming Monday when I'm going to ask my military doctor to get me some help ASAP for PTSD. I got chocked up remembering but GROWN MEN & BOYS DON"T CRY, isn't just what we boys were taught? If I feel the need to cry out I'll do it on this page and in the chat room. Thanks BROTHERS

_________________________
Working Boys' Home 10-14 yrs old, grades 5-8. 1949-1953
____________________________________________________________
A very humble alumni of the WOR Dahlonega, GA.
May 15-17 2009, Alta, Sep. 2009. Sequoia, 2010.
Hope Springs, 2010.


Top
#241298 - 07/30/08 07:35 AM Re: trust [Re: Sans Logos]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6573
Loc: Never Sugar Mountain
Originally Posted By: Sans Logos
hang in there! to quote herman munster: 'cheer up, it's bound to get worse'.


LOL................oh crap...................yeah.................it will.


Welcome sir! Keep in mind that on Fridays, new guys bring the cookies.

_________________________
You are using 118 of the 300 allowed characters.

Top
#241519 - 07/31/08 10:44 AM Re: trust [Re: petercorbett]
petercorbett Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/27/08
Posts: 2451
Loc: TEXAS
Hi, all my friends,
I'm crying out for help, these past few days have been hell, those triggers have come home to roost. I have read the book Abused Boys twice in the last month and a half, and it is a very powerful book and it's about us, us victms. My memory and brain have gone crazy, I've been reliving some of those moments, I get into a crappy mood, my wife (who has no idea about this) is constantly asking me what's wrong, my mood swings bother her, but yesterday I found temporary peace while I was taking care of my grandkids boys 7 & 8, I get calm around them, I tell them that I love them and give them husg and kisses everytime I see them, I thank my higher power that they have a loving household, and have a mother and father who loves them and tells them that, protects them from all adversarys, I do too. I thank my higher power that they don't have to be a victim of a family memember and family friend to vent their sexual desires on young boys. I get choked up with those memories, I damn near start to cry, I have grave thoughts that I'll just be passed off by the military medical system, I am now at the point of no return both mentally and physically as I just have to suck it up and get help now. My heart is crying out for my boyhood gone so long ago. Hell I better sign off. Hope tahy you all are doing ok in your recovery. And that us Boys) get the peace that we so deserve.
Thanks for listning.
Pete

_________________________
Working Boys' Home 10-14 yrs old, grades 5-8. 1949-1953
____________________________________________________________
A very humble alumni of the WOR Dahlonega, GA.
May 15-17 2009, Alta, Sep. 2009. Sequoia, 2010.
Hope Springs, 2010.


Top
#241545 - 07/31/08 01:42 PM Re: trust [Re: petercorbett]
LW1527 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/14/08
Posts: 408
Loc: Salt Lake City Ut
Pete - Don't leave us. I hear your cry for help and I'm sticking out my hand so grab it. You're not alone here. You might feel that you are the only one, but here, you have a family of brothers who care and KNOW how you are feeling.

These feelings you are having are real and normal. May I suggest you tell you wife. If you trust her, then tell her. Keeping it in is WRONG, dead wrong. You need support here and support at home. Tell you wife and kids. They can handle it.

Take the risk!

Lance


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#241737 - 08/01/08 12:38 PM Re: trust [Re: LW1527]
petercorbett Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/27/08
Posts: 2451
Loc: TEXAS
Hi LW1527,
I can't tell my wife, she would be the last person I told, she doesn't understand these things, she has sort of a better word Hitler mentality, She met and I did too my niece in Texas last year and she is a lesbian, and if you care for her, or about her ok. But when you make snide remarks, about her looks and lifestyle you are the sick one. on my son, well I will soon, just as soon as I get my first appointment with a CSA trained doctor. Then for me it will be the time, it's one thing to put your heart and soul into an internet page, and another to tell someone face to face, but I will do it for sure, my first step is this coming monday with my military medical care provider, when I have to ask him to get me some help, there's no hiding.
Thanks for your kind words. I will post my heart and soul on this page over this weekend, it was triggered by the book Abused Boys, by Mic Hunter. Again THANKS

_________________________
Working Boys' Home 10-14 yrs old, grades 5-8. 1949-1953
____________________________________________________________
A very humble alumni of the WOR Dahlonega, GA.
May 15-17 2009, Alta, Sep. 2009. Sequoia, 2010.
Hope Springs, 2010.


Top
#241752 - 08/01/08 01:18 PM Re: trust [Re: petercorbett]
LW1527 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/14/08
Posts: 408
Loc: Salt Lake City Ut
I understand. You know best. We ARE here for you at least and you will find the greatest men here.

Lance


Top
#242113 - 08/03/08 01:25 PM Re: trust [Re: LW1527]
petercorbett Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/27/08
Posts: 2451
Loc: TEXAS
Hi LW1527
Had another of those BOY crying inside begging for help days. I trust that at my appointment for a different medical problem that my military care provider will trust in just what I'm saying. I started to try and get my mind on to something else and played my Irish music, well Danny boy sure translated different to me, my mind had put different deep CSA memories, and When Irish Eyes Are Smilling, mine were getting watery, but this old man didn't cry, BOYS & MEN DON'T CRY. I started to make plans on telling my SECRET to my son and am getting cold feet. Just what would he think of his old man now? Then there is my cousin in Texas, he is more like a brother, and is the only family member who really did care for me, he's 7 years older, and I just wrote him a letter telling him about the hell of a time that I'm having, but not completely telling him my SECRET, but I'm coming to the USA (Texas) next month and If I can get the (balls) sorry yo tell him and to hug him and just let it all hang out, we could REALLY CRY, and at the same time have my recovery a work in progress, I can't sleep more than a few hours and I probably won't get much tonight just hoping that I don't get the brush off. The military is famous for just considering you expendible. I TRUST they won't.

_________________________
Working Boys' Home 10-14 yrs old, grades 5-8. 1949-1953
____________________________________________________________
A very humble alumni of the WOR Dahlonega, GA.
May 15-17 2009, Alta, Sep. 2009. Sequoia, 2010.
Hope Springs, 2010.


Top
#242232 - 08/04/08 09:16 AM Re: trust [Re: petercorbett]
LW1527 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/14/08
Posts: 408
Loc: Salt Lake City Ut
Peter - my dad was a military officer. I know what you are talking about. He was an alcoholic and an abusive SOB. I believe that he wanted to share his feelings, but was to macho to do it. Sometimes he would break down and cry, but not very often. I think telling your sercret is vital and especially to your son. I wish my dad had told me his secrets. Now that he is dead, I just have to try to figure it out. Start here where you are safe. I found that telling people your secret is a lot harder thinking about it than doing it. It's not as bad as you think and most people will respond well to you.

Lance


Top
#242244 - 08/04/08 10:01 AM Re: trust [Re: LW1527]
petercorbett Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/27/08
Posts: 2451
Loc: TEXAS
Hi Again LW1627,
Well today was a slightly better day for me, I went to my military doctor for a different problem, and he asked me how did I feel, then there was my opening, I told him that I am going to ask him the most profound question that I've ever asked a military doctor before, OK ask, well I told him for CSA + 60, PTSD, and he put into his computer a referral to the mental health provider, well (for some reason) I have to wait 24 hours before I can make an appointment, (only in the military). Ok but I told him that the only persons giving me help I wanted from the military treatment facility, and there is no way I'm going to use the German medical system. If I have to I'll but a plane ticket and find a place in the USA. So I TRUSTED my doctor, and he is giving it his best. So now to wait for the mental health troops tomorrow. The only reservations that I have on telling my son is that he'll tell his mother, and IF ANYBODY ON THIS EARTH DEFINATELY WOULDN'T UNDERSTAND IS HER, I KNOW. MY NIECE (whom she had met 1 year ago, is a lesbian, looks like a lesbian, had been CSA herself in her youth by her brother and her mothers boy friends. Has been married twice divorced twice got two kids and when Massachusetts permitted same sex marriage she got married, So I'VE seen my WIFE'S DISSAPROVAL of her lifestyle, has made some very negitave remarks/ comments about her. So I wouldn't STAND A CHANCE. I thank all of you helping me to get this far, with your encouraging words, YOU ARE THE ONE's I TRUST.
Heal well, my broters.
Pete

_________________________
Working Boys' Home 10-14 yrs old, grades 5-8. 1949-1953
____________________________________________________________
A very humble alumni of the WOR Dahlonega, GA.
May 15-17 2009, Alta, Sep. 2009. Sequoia, 2010.
Hope Springs, 2010.


Top
#242440 - 08/05/08 08:58 AM Re: trust [Re: petercorbett]
petercorbett Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/27/08
Posts: 2451
Loc: TEXAS
Hi, It's this old man again. I have just taken the very first small step in letting this BOY crying inside go, I've asked for help at my military clinic and my doctor gave me a referal to the mental help troops, but I am getting nervious about telling someone face to face just what I've been through. It is easy to get on this web site with 5500+ other Boys now Men and interact with them, there'v been there and done that. I have been there but haven't done that done that part yet. But if anybody is interested injust what has been buried in my soul and deepest mind, check out the survivors page on A BOY. I appreciate all the help and guidance that I'm getting. Hopefully some day we all will enjoy the serenity and peace that we all so richly deserve.
Pete

_________________________
Working Boys' Home 10-14 yrs old, grades 5-8. 1949-1953
____________________________________________________________
A very humble alumni of the WOR Dahlonega, GA.
May 15-17 2009, Alta, Sep. 2009. Sequoia, 2010.
Hope Springs, 2010.


Top
#242441 - 08/05/08 09:00 AM Re: trust [Re: petercorbett]
petercorbett Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/27/08
Posts: 2451
Loc: TEXAS
Hi it's Pete'
I got the story line wrong it's my secret my story. sorry.
Pete

_________________________
Working Boys' Home 10-14 yrs old, grades 5-8. 1949-1953
____________________________________________________________
A very humble alumni of the WOR Dahlonega, GA.
May 15-17 2009, Alta, Sep. 2009. Sequoia, 2010.
Hope Springs, 2010.


Top
#243220 - 08/08/08 01:54 PM Re: trust [Re: petercorbett]
petercorbett Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/27/08
Posts: 2451
Loc: TEXAS
Hi,all my Male Survivors.
I have finally let that BOY crying for help out. Today was my very first meeting with my therapst, the very first time in 55+ years that I have told my SECRET, face to face with another person, it was tough, but not as tough as I thought it would be, so from the very depths of my soul, THANKS for the help getting on my way.
Pete

_________________________
Working Boys' Home 10-14 yrs old, grades 5-8. 1949-1953
____________________________________________________________
A very humble alumni of the WOR Dahlonega, GA.
May 15-17 2009, Alta, Sep. 2009. Sequoia, 2010.
Hope Springs, 2010.


Top
#243231 - 08/08/08 02:33 PM Re: trust [Re: petercorbett]
theo Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/28/03
Posts: 1122
peter,
i just now caught your thread, been offline a few days. as so many brothers here have already done, i welcome you to a brotherhood like no other. i have shared things here that i could share no where else and have always been safe here. we stand together, bro, never to be alone in the dark again.

_________________________
journey well,
theo dewolfe

- It is gift, and gift will find its way
- I inherit through my choice. I build through my affirmation. It is through my freedom that I nurture, or fade into autonomy
- I was not given to serve life, but to embrace it

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#243237 - 08/08/08 02:51 PM Re: trust [Re: theo]
LN3(SS) Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/20/08
Posts: 486
Loc: MD
Pete,

Congratulations to you on starting your process of healing. You are truly lucky to have found what you need given your circumstances.

_________________________
"When we go into battle, I will be the first to set foot on the field, and I will be the last to step off, and I will leave no one behind. Dead, or alive, we will all come home together." LTG Hal Moore, Jr., USA (Ret.)

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#243280 - 08/08/08 06:17 PM Re: trust [Re: petercorbett]
Barkabus Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/09/08
Posts: 809
Awesome Pete! I am so proud of you. Well, the cat's out of the bag now! I hope this is only the beginning. I'm so glad you took up the courage to go make that appointment and stick with it.

We're here for you man! You rock! \:\)

Mike

_________________________
My Story

Top
#243371 - 08/09/08 04:33 AM Re: trust [Re: petercorbett]
petercorbett Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/27/08
Posts: 2451
Loc: TEXAS
Hi, well, what can I say? But I TRUSTED you all 5000+, on your kind words, your help in dealing with it. That BOY crying inside TRUSTED the old man to get going on it. I TRUSTED the military medical system to help me, and they have. On my first therapy session that BOY crying inside, came out, HE TRUSTED ME. For the very first time in my life I TRUSTED someone to help me. I TRUST that he understands me.
Pete

_________________________
Working Boys' Home 10-14 yrs old, grades 5-8. 1949-1953
____________________________________________________________
A very humble alumni of the WOR Dahlonega, GA.
May 15-17 2009, Alta, Sep. 2009. Sequoia, 2010.
Hope Springs, 2010.


Top
#243391 - 08/09/08 07:07 AM Re: trust [Re: petercorbett]
petercorbett Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/27/08
Posts: 2451
Loc: TEXAS
Hi, It's the old man that's full of wisdom again. It's a down day for me (whats new)? It's been 24 hours since I TOLD my SECRET to a person face to face (my therapist). So where is my euphoria? I TOLD! Where is the feeling that A great weight has been lifted from my shoulders? Why am I here and now still thinking about it? Why are my guts still wound tight? Why is that BOY inside still crying and this man outside choked up, I TOLD. Where is my relief? If those abusers really knew just what they have done to us, and the price that WE have to pay for their pleasure. I better go.
Pete

_________________________
Working Boys' Home 10-14 yrs old, grades 5-8. 1949-1953
____________________________________________________________
A very humble alumni of the WOR Dahlonega, GA.
May 15-17 2009, Alta, Sep. 2009. Sequoia, 2010.
Hope Springs, 2010.


Top
#243428 - 08/09/08 11:51 AM Re: trust [Re: petercorbett]
jggab Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/29/08
Posts: 53
Loc: California
Pete,
I felt the same after telling my story. . . or at least trying to tell my story. I felt worse. . . like I just dumped a load on another person that shouldn't have to deal with me. It was very hard to do. . . over several days I felt worse and worse as I sorted through all my thoughts and emotions. It's like I didn't have any control over my emotions (which is something I am not used to). But what you are experiencing is a normal part of the healing process. It feels like a complete let down, because you want to feel better immediatly. . . but unfortunatly it just doesn't work that way. Hang in there buddy! (I too am using the military medical system and my therapist has been wonderful). Hold on tight. The rollercoster ride may get a litte rough. But you can handle it!!!! You've taken one of the most important steps! And I am glad you are here.

Jon


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#244935 - 08/16/08 09:22 AM Re: trust [Re: LW1527]
petercorbett Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/27/08
Posts: 2451
Loc: TEXAS
Hi, there 1527, I guess that I promoted you in my last posting, (1627). Well the time has come for me. My wife's birthday (71st) is this coming Tuesday, and I had asked her what she wanted for her birthday and she said ME, I thought that I had hidden my feelings about my suffering with this CSA, I do most of my thinking and crying inside myself in the dark, in bed or in the living room, but she can see the sadness in my eyes and in my responses to her. (short tempered) (yes still alone),and still feeling useless. So now I have to make a very important decision, after all when we got married (35 yrs ago) we were supposed to become one, but she only got 1/2 of me. So I told her that I would give her an answer by Sunday PM, one way or the other, just maybe, maybe this boy inside can come clean, and make another step in his recovery. Any help out there?
Pete

_________________________
Working Boys' Home 10-14 yrs old, grades 5-8. 1949-1953
____________________________________________________________
A very humble alumni of the WOR Dahlonega, GA.
May 15-17 2009, Alta, Sep. 2009. Sequoia, 2010.
Hope Springs, 2010.


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#245321 - 08/18/08 02:37 AM Re: trust [Re: petercorbett]
petercorbett Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/27/08
Posts: 2451
Loc: TEXAS
Hi everybody.
Well I trusted this Boy inside to get some understanding to his wife on just why I am what I am. I trusted that she would understand that I was programed by my abusers to become what I am, and just how I have reacted to her in all these years. I trust that she will give me the warmpth and understanding that I seek. I trust as I get deeper and deeper into my self I can be better to her.
Pete

_________________________
Working Boys' Home 10-14 yrs old, grades 5-8. 1949-1953
____________________________________________________________
A very humble alumni of the WOR Dahlonega, GA.
May 15-17 2009, Alta, Sep. 2009. Sequoia, 2010.
Hope Springs, 2010.


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#347951 - 12/12/10 06:43 PM Re: trust [Re: FormerTexan]
hurtn4yrs Offline


Registered: 11/28/10
Posts: 10
Loc: USA, NY
just read your first post, I am sorry for what you have gone through, and wish you luck with your recovery

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91C35pT10Es21S1s13Ys1V9Or!

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