LOL................oh crap...................yeah.................it will.


Welcome sir! Keep in mind that on Fridays, new guys bring the cookies.

Hi, all my friends,
I'm crying out for help, these past few days have been hell, those triggers have come home to roost. I have read the book Abused Boys twice in the last month and a half, and it is a very powerful book and it's about us, us victms. My memory and brain have gone crazy, I've been reliving some of those moments, I get into a crappy mood, my wife (who has no idea about this) is constantly asking me what's wrong, my mood swings bother her, but yesterday I found temporary peace while I was taking care of my grandkids boys 7 & 8, I get calm around them, I tell them that I love them and give them husg and kisses everytime I see them, I thank my higher power that they have a loving household, and have a mother and father who loves them and tells them that, protects them from all adversarys, I do too. I thank my higher power that they don't have to be a victim of a family memember and family friend to vent their sexual desires on young boys. I get choked up with those memories, I damn near start to cry, I have grave thoughts that I'll just be passed off by the military medical system, I am now at the point of no return both mentally and physically as I just have to suck it up and get help now. My heart is crying out for my boyhood gone so long ago. Hell I better sign off. Hope tahy you all are doing ok in your recovery. And that us Boys) get the peace that we so deserve.
Thanks for listning.
Pete

Pete - Don't leave us. I hear your cry for help and I'm sticking out my hand so grab it. You're not alone here. You might feel that you are the only one, but here, you have a family of brothers who care and KNOW how you are feeling.

These feelings you are having are real and normal. May I suggest you tell you wife. If you trust her, then tell her. Keeping it in is WRONG, dead wrong. You need support here and support at home. Tell you wife and kids. They can handle it.

Take the risk!

Lance

Hi LW1527,
I can't tell my wife, she would be the last person I told, she doesn't understand these things, she has sort of a better word Hitler mentality, She met and I did too my niece in Texas last year and she is a lesbian, and if you care for her, or about her ok. But when you make snide remarks, about her looks and lifestyle you are the sick one. on my son, well I will soon, just as soon as I get my first appointment with a CSA trained doctor. Then for me it will be the time, it's one thing to put your heart and soul into an internet page, and another to tell someone face to face, but I will do it for sure, my first step is this coming monday with my military medical care provider, when I have to ask him to get me some help, there's no hiding.
Thanks for your kind words. I will post my heart and soul on this page over this weekend, it was triggered by the book Abused Boys, by Mic Hunter. Again THANKS

I understand. You know best. We ARE here for you at least and you will find the greatest men here.

Lance

Hi LW1527
Had another of those BOY crying inside begging for help days. I trust that at my appointment for a different medical problem that my military care provider will trust in just what I'm saying. I started to try and get my mind on to something else and played my Irish music, well Danny boy sure translated different to me, my mind had put different deep CSA memories, and When Irish Eyes Are Smilling, mine were getting watery, but this old man didn't cry, BOYS & MEN DON'T CRY. I started to make plans on telling my SECRET to my son and am getting cold feet. Just what would he think of his old man now? Then there is my cousin in Texas, he is more like a brother, and is the only family member who really did care for me, he's 7 years older, and I just wrote him a letter telling him about the hell of a time that I'm having, but not completely telling him my SECRET, but I'm coming to the USA (Texas) next month and If I can get the (balls) sorry yo tell him and to hug him and just let it all hang out, we could REALLY CRY, and at the same time have my recovery a work in progress, I can't sleep more than a few hours and I probably won't get much tonight just hoping that I don't get the brush off. The military is famous for just considering you expendible. I TRUST they won't.

Peter - my dad was a military officer. I know what you are talking about. He was an alcoholic and an abusive SOB. I believe that he wanted to share his feelings, but was to macho to do it. Sometimes he would break down and cry, but not very often. I think telling your sercret is vital and especially to your son. I wish my dad had told me his secrets. Now that he is dead, I just have to try to figure it out. Start here where you are safe. I found that telling people your secret is a lot harder thinking about it than doing it. It's not as bad as you think and most people will respond well to you.

Lance

Hi Again LW1627,
Well today was a slightly better day for me, I went to my military doctor for a different problem, and he asked me how did I feel, then there was my opening, I told him that I am going to ask him the most profound question that I've ever asked a military doctor before, OK ask, well I told him for CSA + 60, PTSD, and he put into his computer a referral to the mental health provider, well (for some reason) I have to wait 24 hours before I can make an appointment, (only in the military). Ok but I told him that the only persons giving me help I wanted from the military treatment facility, and there is no way I'm going to use the German medical system. If I have to I'll but a plane ticket and find a place in the USA. So I TRUSTED my doctor, and he is giving it his best. So now to wait for the mental health troops tomorrow. The only reservations that I have on telling my son is that he'll tell his mother, and IF ANYBODY ON THIS EARTH DEFINATELY WOULDN'T UNDERSTAND IS HER, I KNOW. MY NIECE (whom she had met 1 year ago, is a lesbian, looks like a lesbian, had been CSA herself in her youth by her brother and her mothers boy friends. Has been married twice divorced twice got two kids and when Massachusetts permitted same sex marriage she got married, So I'VE seen my WIFE'S DISSAPROVAL of her lifestyle, has made some very negitave remarks/ comments about her. So I wouldn't STAND A CHANCE. I thank all of you helping me to get this far, with your encouraging words, YOU ARE THE ONE's I TRUST.
Heal well, my broters.
Pete

Hi, It's this old man again. I have just taken the very first small step in letting this BOY crying inside go, I've asked for help at my military clinic and my doctor gave me a referal to the mental help troops, but I am getting nervious about telling someone face to face just what I've been through. It is easy to get on this web site with 5500+ other Boys now Men and interact with them, there'v been there and done that. I have been there but haven't done that done that part yet. But if anybody is interested injust what has been buried in my soul and deepest mind, check out the survivors page on A BOY. I appreciate all the help and guidance that I'm getting. Hopefully some day we all will enjoy the serenity and peace that we all so richly deserve.
Pete

Hi it's Pete'
I got the story line wrong it's my secret my story. sorry.
Pete