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#240354 - 07/26/08 12:42 PM The reason I was vuenerable to the CSA
onlyakid Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/31/04
Posts: 1552
Loc: New Jersey
Today, I realized something, part of what made me vuernerable to my brother was my people pleasing. My parents fighting and Divorce probably caused it. Among my symptoms are:

1. I am afraid to rock the boat.
2. It is hard for me to know what I want.
3. It is difficult for me to say No.
4. I want everyone to get along.

The People Pleaser Pattern

_________________________
"Being with people that understand you...Priceless"

"and i don't want the world to see me, cause i don't think that they'd understand"

"You don't know what love is...you just do as your told"

"My life has changed. What you take as a simple thing, is not so simple for me anymore"


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#240357 - 07/26/08 12:49 PM Re: The reason I was vuenerable to the CSA [Re: onlyakid]
BJK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/02/07
Posts: 1526
Originally Posted By: jtt5254

2. It is hard for me to know what I want.


For me, not knowing what I wanted evolved into knowing what I wanted without being able to communicate it. I'm getting better at that.

Bryan

_________________________
Revenge is nothing more than another way of perpetuating abuse.

What the world needs now
Is some new words of wisdom
Like la la la la la la la la la.
-David Lowery

Having a friend who will keep a secret for you is worthless compared to a friend who won't keep a secret from you.

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#240363 - 07/26/08 01:11 PM Re: The reason I was vuenerable to the CSA [Re: onlyakid]
Barkabus Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/09/08
Posts: 809
Jason,

I can see myself in all of those symptoms too. I also looked at the People Pleaser Pattern linked in your OP. There too I find myself fitting many of the de>
_________________________
My Story

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#240395 - 07/26/08 04:16 PM Re: The reason I was vuenerable to the CSA [Re: Barkabus]
Trucker51 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/20/08
Posts: 2826
Loc: Denver, CO
That was a really great link, and I would enjoy reading some of his other stuff. Looking way back it appears that I had at least some of the symptoms of the people-pleaser model at one time, before graduating to passive/aggressive and "please than explode" behavior, before becoming very aggressive and angry as I tried to wrest control of my life away from those who thought that they had it. I still really enjoy when my boss tells me that I have done a good job, but now I do my work in my own way and he appreciates it.

Like Mike, the early Mark was much more outgoing and excited to make new discoveries. The new Mark is really happy to be completely in control and feels some threat having to give-up any of that control. Control over my life and control over my past is what I gained in the process of working on my issues. I still enjoy pleasing others, but only if I am in control.

Mark

_________________________
"We stay here, we die here. We've got to keep moving". Trucker Mark



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#240397 - 07/26/08 04:26 PM Re: The reason I was vuenerable to the CSA [Re: Trucker51]
EGL Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 06/19/04
Posts: 7821
Hi jtt,

MY wife tells me often that I'm a people pleaser for the reasons you stated above. I think a lot of the reason we developed that way is because of the other influences that were going on in our lives at the time, such as parental involvment (or lack thereof), our ability to interact with peers, etc. As I see it, a lot of wrong things came together to make me vulnerable for the SA that eventually happened.

Seeing now this people pleaser trait in yourself, does it help you to understand better the SA that came? It does me, in that it helped remove a lot of the self-blame.

_________________________
Eddie

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#240455 - 07/26/08 08:32 PM Re: The reason I was vuenerable to the CSA [Re: EGL]
hogan_dawg Offline
Guest

Registered: 03/26/08
Posts: 492
Hi JTT,

I hadn't seen that link before, thank you.

_________________________
I can say unequivocally that the lie of "To truly heal you must first forgive" has derailed more victims than the abusers themselves.
Andrew Vachs, 2003

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