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#239474 - 07/22/08 01:01 AM Blame My Town
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6597
Loc: Never Sugar Mountain
I'm wondering if others here blame their home town for enabling, covering-up, encouraging, cultivating, exacerbating...their abuse? I greatly blame and despise my home town. I think the adults there raised a crop of entitled little demon jocks who were fully convinced that they should have whatever they wanted and that they are superior beings (gladiators), and they continue to do that to this day! I think the culture there was to marginalize anyone who fell short of their normal expectations of a boy.

I hate my home town. To be honest here, I'm actually glad a huge chunck of it blew-up in a freak industrial explosion in 2006 (no one was killed).

I know...very un-Christian of me...but I'm a work-in-process.




Edited by Robbie Brown (07/22/08 01:03 AM)
_________________________
Objects In Mirror are Less Than They Appear.

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#239476 - 07/22/08 01:23 AM Re: Blame My Town [Re: Still]
hogan_dawg Offline
Guest

Registered: 03/26/08
Posts: 492
I can see it. You probably have good reasons for thinking they covered up, enabled and so on. If families can do it, I can see why larger groups might do it too.

_________________________
I can say unequivocally that the lie of "To truly heal you must first forgive" has derailed more victims than the abusers themselves.
Andrew Vachs, 2003

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#239477 - 07/22/08 01:49 AM Re: Blame My Town [Re: hogan_dawg]
mogigo Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/24/07
Posts: 1331
Loc: Colorado
Hey Rob, not quite the same but I do have the same feelings about drugs in my town. People who didn't do drugs were on the outside. If you wanted to fit in in any way you did drugs

Not much hope living there

Stay strong
Mike



Edited by mogigo (07/22/08 01:50 AM)
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#239481 - 07/22/08 03:00 AM Re: Blame My Town [Re: mogigo]
Wyclef_Bakr Offline


Registered: 06/22/08
Posts: 51
Loc: Doorstep of Thugz Mansion.
It's not so much that I blame the town but I blame the culture. We're supposed to be tough, strong, etc. Not just what goes along with being "male" but being a "black male" as well.


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#239483 - 07/22/08 03:51 AM Re: Blame My Town [Re: Wyclef_Bakr]
Muldoon Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/30/02
Posts: 1428
Loc: St Paul MN
Rob

I surely blame my home town for what it was and how things where covered up. Unlike your town the sexual perps where mostly audits who knew how to control kids in there sick ways. Sure we had the abusive bullies but they all learned it from the 3 groups of abusers. The teachers in the public high school, the scoutmasters, and the parish priests.

As I look back on my home town and I see a very evil place on planet earth.


Tom

_________________________
Teach the Children to Never Hide in the Silence

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#239492 - 07/22/08 08:34 AM Re: Blame My Town [Re: Muldoon]
AndyJB2005 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/14/06
Posts: 1245
Loc: Saint Paul, Minnesota
I was always hurt outside of my hometown...in the "big city." So, for me, my hometown is actually an oasis that I wish I could live in again even today.

_________________________
Life's disappointments are harder to take when you don't know any swear words. -- Calvin (Calvin and Hobbes)

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#239700 - 07/23/08 08:06 AM Re: Blame My Town [Re: AndyJB2005]
Trucker51 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/20/08
Posts: 2826
Loc: Denver, CO
Rob:

I have mixed feelings when I visit the suburb of Detroit where I grew-up. I know the roads and lots of the buildings hold memories, mostly good and a few bad ones too. I just told one of my wife's relatives the other day that I like going back there because it grounds me. It is like standing on my own turf. Like Mike said though, if you wanted to belong there back then, you had to be a member of the illegal drug or alcohol crowds. I lost a number of the people that I grew-up with from the effects of both. I drove by the lake that I grew-up on again and the memories of living on its shore for 1/4th of my life come flooding back. My parent's house was scraped and replaced a few years ago with some huge modern creation so those memories have no home there anymore. I consciously try not to drive by my abuser's houses, instead visiting friends or eating lunch at an old neighborhood diner where we went as kids, or hanging around a bar that I frequented in my 20s and 30s. A lot of it has changed so much since I left there 25 years ago. But I still know lots of people and my good memories outweigh the bad ones.

Three of my perps were in Vermont. I don't hate Vermont because of it. But their State Highway Patrol out of the Chester Barracks' reaction to my accusations of felony criminal behavior raises my ire. I have never been back to the site of my week of abuse in 1974 outside of Gassetts, (between Chester and Ludlow). But I have seen my folk's old house in South Burlington where my first incident happened, and did visit another early abuser there a few years later without incident. I don't know if he was staying silent or fearing that I would mention it when I was there in 1971. By then I was a lot bigger than he was even though he was older.

I have memories of a quiant seaside town that I hauled several truckloads of fish out of including that famous load of frozen cod that wasn't still frozen by the time that it made it to Dallas, thanks to Mr. Thermo-King. (That's all right, the guy said, we'll just sell it as fresh fish, as he laughed). Once the shipping foreman let several of us borrow his pickup and told us some quaint restaurant with a view of the ocean south of the fish companies, and a half-dozen of us had a really great lunch. That town is right off of the same loop freeway that Acton is, where my aunt and uncle lived for many years. It is northeast and Acton is northwest, just north of Rt. 2 and the candlepin bowling alley. Did you ever play hockey? My cousins were all big into it and one even was a defenseman for the Providence farm team. I have lots of good memories from Acton and even a few bad ones, like when my one cousin intentionally tripped me when I was coming out the back door or the time that we almost got caught plastering some Acton cop's car with snowballs back at Christmas of 1972.

Sorry to hear about your town and the memories that it holds for you. Would you believe that I got a call last week from some idiot that still attends the Mother Church in Boston inviting me to some conference of theirs. Glad that I wasn't home to answer the phone. I guess 34 years away isn't long enough for some people. I am hoping that you have a better experience with your trip back there Rob.

Mark

_________________________
"We stay here, we die here. We've got to keep moving". Trucker Mark



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#239710 - 07/23/08 09:34 AM Re: Blame My Town [Re: Trucker51]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6597
Loc: Never Sugar Mountain
Thanks guys.

An example of the "culture issues:"

For a while I had a CSA-healing mentor whom was once the Head Coach of a Div-1 university football team in New England.

He specifically recalled that the recruited players who came from my town had severe problems with a warped sense of entitlement. This entitlement manifested in many harmful forms on the campus.

Hearing that made me feel slightly vindicated.

I dont know...people can really suck. There's no creature on Earth more dangerous than people.

_________________________
Objects In Mirror are Less Than They Appear.

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#240250 - 07/25/08 11:27 PM Re: Blame My Town [Re: Still]
Trucker51 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/20/08
Posts: 2826
Loc: Denver, CO
I heard of some wealthy town in California where their high school football team won every game for several seasons straight and they boasted a 10,000 seat stadium courtesy of the alumni association. The video I saw was very unusual, to say the least. Their home games looked like a small version of an NFL playoff game. I heard later that they got busted for lying about their player's ages. It seemed that a few of them were college players. Some places it is a big deal.

My own high school had 1,200 students for three grades, and was in a really toney suburb of Detroit. The boys of the Fall went 3 and 8 my senior year, which was a real big disappointment to a few people. But maybe that was because most of us including the "cool" crowd back then could have cared less about high school football. In fact, by the last game of the season, there weren't enough guys on the team left to play O and D separately.

Mark

_________________________
"We stay here, we die here. We've got to keep moving". Trucker Mark



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