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#240221 - 07/25/08 08:01 PM NUMB
thecoopstah Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/19/04
Posts: 589
Loc: massachusetts
If i have not had to deal with and go through enough over the last 2 weeks ..i found out this morning someone who was good to me and reached out when no one else would died 2 fuckin months ago.

I am sickened by how most people are sooooooo caught up in their own shit and their own lives and their own drama that they forget all about the ones that matters most and essentially dismiss and pretend as though you dont even exist.

Granted we all have our "stuff" in life to face yet to think that someone can die and no one can notify others until it's convient for them therefore by the time they get around to it , it's clearly to late anyway.


I have alot on my plate right now and all i want to do is "numbout" and detach from it all..........but noooooooo i have to live life and yes i am playing the victim afterall am i not entitled to be who i am .......ME

ME godammit

ME

Rich "coop"

i am fed up and tired and wornout.....it is what it is i guess otherwise i'll never know or understand the man i am today will never be the man i have always wanted to become and that's "FREE" ....from all what life and it's offerings and chaos and drama and BS .....i don't even know how i feel and although i cried this morning about "john" and his passing i am now left with NUMBNESS.........perhaps it's another test to see if i really have it........whatever "it" is.


Coop

_________________________
" You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have "

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#240246 - 07/25/08 11:09 PM Re: NUMB [Re: thecoopstah]
NY Daisy Offline
New Here

Registered: 02/29/08
Posts: 183
Coop, sorry for your loss. Warmly, NYDAISY


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#240249 - 07/25/08 11:19 PM Re: NUMB [Re: NY Daisy]
DanM Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/09/07
Posts: 540
Loc: So. California
Coop, I am sorry to hear about the passing of your friend John. I have never been very good at saying the right thing to people in their time of need. I hope the sadness subsides quickly and that the good memories of your friend stay with you always.

Dan


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#240251 - 07/25/08 11:32 PM Re: NUMB [Re: DanM]
thecoopstah Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/19/04
Posts: 589
Loc: massachusetts
His memory will always be special although it scarey to know that when someone who was there for you during a time in my life when i struggled with the trauma and struggles to get sober "John" was there as i said when no one else was and to be gone and not ever know it ..........kills me ...

I will remember him for his sense of humor and his easy going personality i loved this guy however i lost contact with him because i moved pretty far away as i moved on with my life.

I know it's never easy to say the right thing(s) to someone when they lose a loved one or friend yet i can tell you nydaisy and dan you just did.............God bless you both...

Coop

_________________________
" You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have "

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#240255 - 07/25/08 11:34 PM Re: NUMB [Re: DanM]
StartingOver08 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/07/08
Posts: 21
Loc: Baltimore
Coop, I know how you feel, but know that your friend is at Peace. He doesn't have to worry about some of the crazy cares of this life. And most of all he wouldn't want you to focus on grieving really hard. As Dan said "good memories of your friend" should be what pulls you through this time. Things will get better in time. Love ya man.

Phill


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#240256 - 07/25/08 11:44 PM Re: NUMB [Re: StartingOver08]
thecoopstah Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/19/04
Posts: 589
Loc: massachusetts
Phill, Thank you for your kind and tender words and yes you're right john would not want me to be miserable and fester over his death.

I'm sure of that yet i guess i need to back up and take time for me and realize death is a part of life however all my life i was always the one to lose and loss is painful ....

Coop

_________________________
" You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have "

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#240261 - 07/26/08 12:01 AM Re: NUMB [Re: thecoopstah]
dangal Offline
New Here

Registered: 02/09/08
Posts: 222
Loc: seattle area
Coop,
I'm sorry for your loss. I know you have had so much to deal with, this just feels another thing dumped on top. I just wanted to tell you I'm thinking of you.

_________________________
~Jen~
Life is to short to blend in

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#240432 - 07/26/08 06:04 PM Re: NUMB [Re: dangal]
thecoopstah Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/19/04
Posts: 589
Loc: massachusetts
thanks alot guys i must say that although i have people in my life who care and love me i know as sure as i know my own name
that MS and it's members clearly care enough to therefore be here for me and always have been during the rough times.

I hate losing

i hate losing

i hate losing

but you know what "john" would not put up with me feeling sorry for myself and he'd rip into me

i do auto detailing and today thank god i had a job and it took up most of my day at least that way i was out of my head and not festering about his loss which of course is my loss

LOSS FUCKIN SUCKS

and all my life is has become acustomed to me

good people die everyday and i will accpet it when i am ready and not before.

We all have our grieving process and at the moment i am dealing it the best way i know how.

Coop

_________________________
" You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have "

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#240581 - 07/27/08 06:08 PM Re: NUMB [Re: thecoopstah]
LittleMiss Offline


Registered: 07/02/08
Posts: 66
Loc: USA
Coop - maybe you could visit his grave. It might help give you some closure. You can even talk to him while you're there and tell him what he meant to you. Having your own little memorial service would help you and honor him.

I know loss sucks. I lost someone close this year too. Now that I'm going through this with my husband, I wish every day that she was here to talk to. But, I know she's here in other ways.

Take care and know that we are all thinking about you.

_________________________
LittleMiss

The woods are lovely, dark and deep. But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep, And miles to go before I sleep.

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#240600 - 07/27/08 07:25 PM Re: NUMB [Re: LittleMiss]
DanM Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/09/07
Posts: 540
Loc: So. California
Coop,

I think Little Miss has a good idea to go visit John's grave. It will provide you with an opportunity to honor him and express your feelings in a private grave side conversation.

It took me a long time to learn to grieve and that greiving and the related pain are healthy and all part of the healing process. Take all the time you need to process your feelings ad thoughts. It is obvious that John as there for you in your time of need. I am sure he will be there again in your heart as you go through this as well.

Dan


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