Totally normal stuff going on here. Trust me, I know. Lots of times there's a desire to run off. "I can't provide for my family." "I'll always be a loser." "I'm not sure if I'm gay and I married her for the wrong reasons." "She wants sex and I don't since my feelings toward it got mangled by my perp." As you've discovered, this is the bag we guys get left holding.
If your spouse/bf has had bad therapist experiences, get another one. I had one tell me "I don't want to know what happened in the fourth grade." Believe it or not. (That's when I got molested, by the way.) I knew that wasn't going to be a good fit at all and found one who is just awesome. The good ones are out there too.
All I can suggest is that you try and build him up as best you can. Picture those thoughts (above) running through his mind 24/7 (they do!) and help him come to see what bullshit they are. Good luck to all of you and as one with an awesome, supportive wife, thanks. You're in a tough situation. Hang in there.
If you have to rebuild yourself from the ground up, you get to do it the right way this time. And YOU'RE the builder.