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#239914 - 07/23/08 10:57 PM she loves me......why then am i so diffulct
thecoopstah Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/19/04
Posts: 589
Loc: massachusetts
I have had a rough 10 days lately and now that things are getting better and lisa is FINALLY on the mend i am now feeling ignored.

Not just by her because she has been very attenitive yet i had a rough day emotionally today and after the call i got from the VA about my claim and trying to process this drama i become so overwhelmed.

I am feeling really ignored and im not sure why or what has brought this on.

Am i making any sense and how do i seperate my feelings from how i feel from the way lisa is feeling afterall i get in a "mood" and she gives me my space.

I'm not sure what to do

I'm not sure why i feel like this

Am i being to analitic

I'm hoping i can wind down and realize i am human and allow myself some alone time.

Ican only wish my head slows down long enough to catch up to my thoughts otherwise i feel as though i could fall aprt and i desperately want to be there for lisa if nothing else.. i know she loves me with every fiber of my being yet i stress her out ....not lately anyway but i have in the past....she's out of work recooperating from surgery and i can feel the tension i exoperience when i "think" she is acting a certain way when it's simply my twisted thinking.

Coop

PS:Can anyone help me put how i have been thinkg and feeling in perspective..i dont want to feel ignored but this is how i feel and i spoke with lisa about this..she was of course very sympathetic and compassionate and understanding and it scares me i have such a wonderful lady...who i am nursing back to health since her hystrectomy about 2 weeks ago.

_________________________
" You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have "

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#239926 - 07/23/08 11:51 PM Re: she loves me......why then am i so diffulct [Re: thecoopstah]
very confused Offline


Registered: 07/19/08
Posts: 16
Loc: TX, USA
I know this sounds so simplistic but a program of yoga and/or meditation could really help. It helps people to step back from their emotions. Deep breathing exercises along with guided imagery can really work wonders. Right now while you're so stressed probably wouldn't be the best time to start this but if you started at a time when you were more centered to begin with and practiced for, say, 1/2 a hr each morning then when stressful feelings came up and you started the deep breathing, your emotions and body automatically calm down. This works for lots of people. Honestly I don't know if it would be affective with borderline but why not give it a try? It's fun and healthy exercise anyway.


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#239930 - 07/24/08 12:23 AM Re: she loves me......why then am i so diffulct [Re: very confused]
NY Daisy Offline
New Here

Registered: 02/29/08
Posts: 183
Coop, Like you said you have had a rough 10 days. The good news is that Lisa is feeling better, YEAH! You say that you are feeling ignored, but you don't know why. My best guess that for at least those 10 days, and probably more you have been solely focusing on Lisa.( which is a good thing) You said in your post that she has not made you feel ignored, she has been understanding.(which is a good thing) My theory is that before Lisa needed you to see her through the surgery and her recovery, you had been working really hard on your own recovery. you put that all aside so that you can focus on her needs. Coop you have been ignoring yourself.(which is not a bad thing) You put someone else's needs before your own. Now that she is getting better you want to focus on your recovery, again.
There is nothing wrong with that. There is also nothing wrong with needing alone time. I love when I have the house to myself.
You need to do something relaxing, maybe take a walk, or if you have a hobby or something you like to do, anything, just take some time for Coop. It is not easy taking care of someone you love.
Isn't your wedding coming up soon? you must both be stressed with all the plans for that as well. Have faith in yourself Coop,and take everything one day at a time.
Warmly, NYDAISY


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#239933 - 07/24/08 01:54 AM Re: she loves me......why then am i so diffulct [Re: NY Daisy]
Brokenhearted Offline
Member

Registered: 08/07/06
Posts: 644
Loc: TX
Maybe you still have a bit of a childlike mentality, as in, children sometimes think they're the center of the universe, they think bad things happen because of them, they want all the attention all the time......I think a lot of survivors have the emotional maturity of a child....just b/c their development gets arrested at the age of their abuse.....I don't know, I'm just grasping, but maybe it could be something......I'm sorry you're having a rough time.

_________________________
Brokenhearted

It were better for him that a millstone were hanged around his neck, and he cast into the sea, than that he should offend one of these little ones.
Luke 17:2

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#240434 - 07/26/08 06:09 PM Re: she loves me......why then am i so diffulct [Re: Brokenhearted]
thecoopstah Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/19/04
Posts: 589
Loc: massachusetts
Brokenhearted


wow i'm sure glad i did'nt look to you for support with your cold and crass remarks....

By the way i'm not of the child mentality i certainly know I AM NOT the center of the universe if at all i am just me nothing more or less.

Pretty opinionated if you ask me.


Coop

_________________________
" You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have "

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#240456 - 07/26/08 08:41 PM Re: she loves me......why then am i so diffulct [Re: thecoopstah]
Abigale Offline


Registered: 07/16/08
Posts: 28
Loc: Northern NJ
Coop
Sorry to hear you are going through such a rough time. It seems like you needed to put yourself on the back burner for a little while until your wife is fully recovered. I am sure she would do the same for you. Thats what H & W do. You time will come back to you. I think you are feeling a little neglected for your own feelings. That is understandable, but in the same sence you need to remember your time will be back again soon. Keep taking care of your wife she needs you.


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#240459 - 07/26/08 09:32 PM Re: she loves me......why then am i so diffulct [Re: Abigale]
thecoopstah Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/19/04
Posts: 589
Loc: massachusetts
Abigale, You're a sweetheart and you know something i really enjoy taking care of lisa ( my wife to be ) she is so appreciative otherwise i would never waste my time.

She is everything to me and more.

You know i never thought of it that way asfar as lsoing myself and not taking care of my needs and focusing on her yet i still know if i had to i'd do it allllllllll over again in a second only as long as she is fine that's all i care about.

God bless you abby you're words of comfort are a breath of fresh air.

Take care.

Coop

_________________________
" You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have "

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#240467 - 07/26/08 10:28 PM Re: she loves me......why then am i so diffulct [Re: thecoopstah]
Abigale Offline


Registered: 07/16/08
Posts: 28
Loc: Northern NJ
Anytime coop
I would do anything for my H. But lately he doesn't feel the same way about me. I am like a bother to him if I am not feeling well. That is not the man I knew for 20 years. I am hoping and praying that he sill be back mentally some day. Good luck coop, Lisa is a very lucky person to have you in her life.


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#240477 - 07/26/08 11:12 PM Re: she loves me......why then am i so diffulct [Re: Abigale]
thecoopstah Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/19/04
Posts: 589
Loc: massachusetts
i will not sit here and make excuses for your husbands behavior and the way in which it seems as though he is being crass however having PTSD is a bitch and it rips those of us inside out.

You deserve to be happy yet i can promise you that try to stick by him he needs you more now then he ever did even though you think / feel otherwsie.

Abigale it's hard for you right now to see him like this , thats pretty clear however it will DEFINITELY get better for you both you just need to have the faith that the love you have within you is strong enough and the day will come that he'll come around.

Part of PTSD is shutting down and shutting people out of our lives ,trust me i have done it to lisa more then i care to talk about or remember.

You're going to be ok

You're still a loveable lady

You're worthy of love and his love especially

You're an angel in his eyes he is just afraid right now for whatever reason

Be gentle with you and try and be there for him even if it means you let him unload on you in that having someone we can cofide on is the very thing we always wanted the most.

Coop

PS: if you ever need to talk i am here for you............dont be to proud and think you'd be bothering me with your struggles.......i am certain there's NOTHING you can tell me or have been though or going through now that i haven't heard.

God bless you and stay in touch and let me know how you're doing and most definitely how your husbands doing.

_________________________
" You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have "

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#240539 - 07/27/08 12:52 PM Re: she loves me......why then am i so diffulct [Re: thecoopstah]
Brokenhearted Offline
Member

Registered: 08/07/06
Posts: 644
Loc: TX
Coop, I really was just grasping at reasons why you might feel the way you did. I am now a psychology student and I guess I get a little too analytical at times. I didn't mean to offend you. Hope you feel better soon.

_________________________
Brokenhearted

It were better for him that a millstone were hanged around his neck, and he cast into the sea, than that he should offend one of these little ones.
Luke 17:2

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