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#239834 - 07/23/08 06:36 PM Dating Websites....
AndyJB2005 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/14/06
Posts: 1242
Loc: Saint Paul, Minnesota
Is it totally pathetic for a guy to use a dating website like Match.com or eHarmony.com to meet someone? Has anyone used sites like that to meet someone? What's your experience?

I'd like some feedback. I'm sort of a solitary person, but I've been wanting to get out and try dating again but since I've been solitary for so long I don't really know anyone or don't know really where to meet people. *shrug*

Just been sort of lonely lately and feeling ready to put myself out there.

Thanks. \:\)

_________________________
Life's disappointments are harder to take when you don't know any swear words. -- Calvin (Calvin and Hobbes)

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#239839 - 07/23/08 06:58 PM Re: Dating Websites.... [Re: AndyJB2005]
BJK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/02/07
Posts: 1526
My therapist has encouraged me to use a match-making website, but I'm extremely leery about it. No, I don't think it's pathetic. I'm just leery about relationships in general.

To be frank, I don't even know if I'm heterosexual or not. I use the term asexual because it's more or less true.

Bryan



Edited by BJK (07/23/08 06:59 PM)
_________________________
Revenge is nothing more than another way of perpetuating abuse.

What the world needs now
Is some new words of wisdom
Like la la la la la la la la la.
-David Lowery

Having a friend who will keep a secret for you is worthless compared to a friend who won't keep a secret from you.

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#239888 - 07/23/08 09:13 PM Re: Dating Websites.... [Re: BJK]
Trucker51 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/20/08
Posts: 2826
Loc: Denver, CO
Bryan/Andy:

My wife and I met a little over two years ago on Match.com. Just have to watch, as many of the women on there will fib about their age or weight, and many are just looking for a sugar daddy. I dated 15 women over 15 months on Match and only a few were worth a 2nd look. One it took five dates to discover how bad her gambling addiction was. Nor was she receptive to a little bit of financial counseling. Finally my search paid off though.

Another tip: Try not to make your profile too specific, as it will limit your choices. You don't say where you live, but within 50 miles of Denver (and I would imagine the Twin Cities too) there are thousands of available women within 5-10 years of your age. Consider gas costs in the radius of your search. You can specify within a 10 mile radius or even within certain large towns.

There are lots of other sites. Eharmony.com has a much more in-depth profile but they do a better job of screening potential candidates. There are other sites too, but a couple others I tried had limited numbers of women on them. There are gay websites too, and Match offers a "just for friends" feature too.

Good luck on your new endevour.

Mark



Edited by Trucker51 (07/24/08 02:37 PM)
_________________________
"We stay here, we die here. We've got to keep moving". Trucker Mark



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#239902 - 07/23/08 09:46 PM Re: Dating Websites.... [Re: Trucker51]
Trish4850 Offline
BoD Liaison Emeritus
MaleSurvivor<

Registered: 10/15/05
Posts: 3280
Loc: New Jersey
Andy,

That's how my b/f and I met! Is it perfect? hell no, but the reality is that if you go into it with your eyes open and your expectations in reasonable check, it can be alot of fun. I probably met and/or briefly dated 10-15 men over the course of about 2 years. I had a blast! Obviously no one but my b/f was a match, but I had some fun nights out, good dinners and interesting conversation. Of the men I met or dated only one was total jerk; I don't know if that was luck or my ability to weed them out before meeting *lol* Unfortunately, he was the only one I agreed to meet for dinner rather than just coffee or a drink after work so I was stuck with the creep for way too many hours before I could escape *ugh*. Keep that in mind.

ROCK ON.....Trish

_________________________
If you fall down 10 times, Stand up 11.

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#239907 - 07/23/08 10:27 PM Re: Dating Websites.... [Re: Trish4850]
EGL Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 06/19/04
Posts: 7821
Frankly, if I were single again, then it is what I would do. Finding someone who matches my interests, values, beliefs, temperament, etc., seems like exactly what I would want. Before I met my wife, I went on some blind dates that were total disasters. Finding someone who should be at least in the ballpark of compatibility would be a real plus. I'd say go for it.

_________________________
Eddie

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#239925 - 07/23/08 11:49 PM Re: Dating Websites.... [Re: EGL]
FormerTexan Offline
Site Administrator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 09/12/04
Posts: 11047
Loc: Denver, CO
Back in 2000, I met a cool gal who lives in Bismarck via a single's site I joined the year prior. We've met up several times and are friends. I'm gonna see her next month, and can't wait! Andy, I fully support the singles-site-method.

_________________________
List of things ain't nobody got time for:

1. That


If I could meet myself as a boy...

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#239927 - 07/23/08 11:56 PM Re: Dating Websites.... [Re: EGL]
AndyJB2005 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/14/06
Posts: 1242
Loc: Saint Paul, Minnesota
Someone e-mailed me via the Match site already! -- and said they liked my profile and hope they hear back from me soon. So I wrote back and said (and meant it) that they sound interesting and that we have a lot in common....but not sure if they read it or not. I hope they write back and it works out. \:\)

I know to play it safe ...I won't just take anyone...I mean there's a chance someone could be a freak even in a "normal" dating situation, right?

I mean I'm no prize pig myself...I got my shares of issues. LOL

BTW: If someone is looking for me to be a sugar daddy they're barking up the wrong tree. I'm poor. LOL

_________________________
Life's disappointments are harder to take when you don't know any swear words. -- Calvin (Calvin and Hobbes)

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#239995 - 07/24/08 03:02 PM Re: Dating Websites.... [Re: AndyJB2005]
Trucker51 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/20/08
Posts: 2826
Loc: Denver, CO
If you are working you are doing better than a lot of people. Just trying to get you to exercise some discretionary caution, that's all.

After four good dates it was starting to look possible, despite her financial problems, which she attributed to her divorce. And on the 5th date we met some of her family at one of Blackhawk's casinos. Two hours later she was down $900 and had blown her entire paycheck and already drained her ATM to zero. I acquiesced and lent her $100. I got to realizing after talking to her sister and brother-in-law that the bunch of them had a regular weekend habit going on. She cried all of the way home, and when we got there, the house was spotless and both of her teenage sons were waiting for their allowances. There were some painful expressions and angry ranting before I gave her another $100 for groceries, paid both of the boy's allowances and bought them two cartons of name-brand cigarettes, and even filled-up her car on my credit card, before leaving for work.

I called the next day and we talked. She said that she didn't want to see me. I suggested credit counseling and told her that I wasn't interested in selling my house to save hers from foreclosure, but that she and her sons were welcome to move in with me. She said that she would think about it. A week later I got a rejection email and that was it. She cost me five nice dinners out and numerous other things that we did, plus almost $400 in cash and prizes that last weekend, plus the lost opportunity time and costs. It was a good lesson though.

My little sister used Match.com, and warned me to watch out for women that try to use guys just to get a couple of nice dinners out once in a while. She told me that some of these gals do this because they can't afford to do so themselves and that others are not looking for a committment.

Like I said, just be careful, my man. Hate to see you get hurt.

Mark

_________________________
"We stay here, we die here. We've got to keep moving". Trucker Mark



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#240011 - 07/24/08 05:00 PM Re: Dating Websites.... [Re: Trucker51]
AndyJB2005 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/14/06
Posts: 1242
Loc: Saint Paul, Minnesota
Wow, that's a hard story, Mark. You're a good man for helping them out, even though they took advantage....

I'm hoping that by the first or second date I can feel the bad ones out...I'm not so desperate that I'd take anyone, either...*shrug*

The person that e-mailed me said they were a teacher and is a paper away from a master's degree...hard to fake that. LOL

I hope they write back. \:\)



_________________________
Life's disappointments are harder to take when you don't know any swear words. -- Calvin (Calvin and Hobbes)

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#240012 - 07/24/08 05:01 PM Re: Dating Websites.... [Re: AndyJB2005]
AndyJB2005 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/14/06
Posts: 1242
Loc: Saint Paul, Minnesota
Just wanted to add: If anyone has any single friends...I'm open. LOL :-P kidding LOL (or am I...?) :-P

_________________________
Life's disappointments are harder to take when you don't know any swear words. -- Calvin (Calvin and Hobbes)

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#240013 - 07/24/08 05:07 PM Re: Dating Websites.... [Re: AndyJB2005]
Stephen_5 Offline
BoD Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 09/12/00
Posts: 667
Loc: Northern California Foothills
Andy,

My partner and I met on Yahoo Personals. I was encouraged to try it by one of my friends. I was looking for a serious long-term relationship. Neither one of us was just looking for a 'hook up'; we both wanted someone to grow old(er) with. We both wanted to meet someone who was around our same age so we'd have something to talk about and have some common references. We talked on the phone most nights for over a month before I rode my motorcycle the eighty miles to see him. I wanted to make sure that he knew that I was a survivor. When we met it was love at first sight.

We've been living together for over four years now and we love each other very much. We're planning on selling our respective houses so that we can buy one together. I think that he and I were just at the right place at the right time to meet like that. We were both ready for the commitment.

Words of caution about online stuff. There are a lot of people who aren't what they say they are and have unrealistic expectations. And I'm sure that a lot of people just want a free dinner date too.

Take good care of yourself,

Steve

_________________________
I want to stay as close to the edge as I can without going over. Out on the edge you see all kinds of things you can't see from the center.
Kurt Vonnegut (1922-2007)

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#240138 - 07/25/08 10:02 AM Re: Dating Websites.... [Re: Stephen_5]
LandOfShadow Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/11/07
Posts: 684
Loc: Minneapolis, Minnesota USA
I know someone who tried some speed dating and it sounded like it might be fun and a reasonable way to meet people. You meet maybe 10-20 people for 5-10 minutes and go from there. In person, it seems like you'd learn more in 5 minutes that an hour on-line.

_________________________
Et par le pouvoir d’un mot Je recommence ma vie, Je suis né pour te connaître, Pour te nommer
Liberté

And by the power of a single word I can begin my life again, I was born to know you, to name you
Freedom

Paul Eluard

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#240166 - 07/25/08 01:54 PM Re: Dating Websites.... [Re: LandOfShadow]
Trucker51 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/20/08
Posts: 2826
Loc: Denver, CO
Then there is the dark room method. Everyone sits across from either gender, the guys on one side and the gals on the other. Then the lights are turned off and everyone gets up and wanders blindly towards each other. Whoever you end-up with is your wife. I wonder how that would work out here in this country?

Mark

_________________________
"We stay here, we die here. We've got to keep moving". Trucker Mark



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#245518 - 08/19/08 09:55 AM Re: Dating Websites.... [Re: Trucker51]
Sans Logos Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/31/03
Posts: 5791
Loc: in my own world in pittsburgh,...
andy, update please!

_________________________
  1. the past
  2. ReClaiming Now
  3. advocacy


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#246141 - 08/21/08 11:25 PM Re: Dating Websites.... [Re: AndyJB2005]
thecoopstah Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/19/04
Posts: 589
Loc: massachusetts
Andy i can tell you i used singlenet and i met the woman of my dreams about 2 yrs ago and we're getting married in less then 5 weeks and i have had my ups / downs but let me just tell you if you're thinking about using the online dating scene.........i have one thing to say.......GO FOR IT i wish you the best........you never know if you'll meet that special someone .i know i never expected to meet lisa......the rest is history.

By the way there is aboslutley nothing at all wrong with using web site dating.....alot more people then you think use it everyday....


Coop

_________________________
" You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have "

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#246143 - 08/21/08 11:51 PM Re: Dating Websites.... [Re: thecoopstah]
1islandboy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/23/08
Posts: 858
Loc: washington
Then there is the friend, that thinks you would be great together.

I see downsides to this method, who's motivations etc...

but, it seemed to work for me.

Website dating, seems to have its drawbacks in rural areas.

It's like, first you need to find someone compatable, and then you've got figure out the logisticts on how to carry her back to you're man-cave. (just kidding)


Somebody's out there somewhere...(Triumph)!!!

island

_________________________
Rise above the storm and you will find the sunshine ~ M.F. Fernandez

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