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#240696 - 07/28/08 11:31 AM Re: Not Belonging [Re: Still]
LW1527 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/14/08
Posts: 408
Loc: Salt Lake City Ut
I feel like I am King of Disociation! I'm sure we all feel this way at times. Disociation can be very confusing and scarey, but we will not die from it. As you go through it, you will begin to feel when it starts. There are a lot of things to do when you start to float away. Your body will give you warnings that we need to be in tine with. Once we start to float, we can learn to get back, get grounded. Easier said than done. Like I go to my T and WHAM! I'm gone. But it is scarier than it reall is, I think. Find out what the triggers are that make us float away is vital. Ride with it. Disociation and triggering will actually teach us what is going on inside. Panic is not good at this point. Try to stay somewhat grounded and see if you can trace what was said or experienced just before hand. My thoughts are with you, Mike.

Lance


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#240702 - 07/28/08 11:47 AM Re: Not Belonging [Re: LW1527]
michael banks Offline


Registered: 06/12/08
Posts: 1755
Loc: Mojave Desert, Ca
Lance,
Thanks for your words of encouragement.
I feel alot better today.
At least I understand what I am dealing with.
That gives me a starting point.

mike

_________________________
To own one's shadow is the highest moral act of a human.
-Robert Johnson-

"IT ought never be forgotten that the past is the parent of the future" John C. Calhoun

WOR Alumni Sequoia 2009

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#240708 - 07/28/08 12:43 PM Re: Not Belonging [Re: michael banks]
LW1527 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/14/08
Posts: 408
Loc: Salt Lake City Ut
We're here for you, Mike. We're here for each other and I am here for you.

Lance


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#240901 - 07/29/08 03:22 AM Re: Not Belonging [Re: LW1527]
dark empathy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/26/07
Posts: 1862
Loc: durham, north england
Wow robby, you describe what I have felt exactly, even in those terms. From the age of about 7 I've felt like that, even before my abuse started, and even now at my better moments I've wanted to find someone i can belong to and just run off somewhere with them, together, exploring, alone!

I stil find the being part of a group atitude, ---- much less being part of "society" actually repellent. I continue to see my parents and brother because I like them, but I really don't feel part of "A family" at all, and on the occasions things about "the family" have been said I feel very wrong.

Michael, I haven't really got any advice. As I said, to me this feeling is either good or bad at any point. When it's good it's good, but when it's bad it can be agony and I'm really sorry to here the position your in.

I can't offer any advice, but I hope things get better for you.


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#240979 - 07/29/08 12:29 PM Re: Not Belonging [Re: dark empathy]
michael banks Offline


Registered: 06/12/08
Posts: 1755
Loc: Mojave Desert, Ca
Dark,
I don't really need any advice.
I just need to express where I am at and what I am feeling.
To know that I am being hear.
That other people understand and not judge.
That I am not the only one to be where I am at right now.
That I am no longer alone.
mike

_________________________
To own one's shadow is the highest moral act of a human.
-Robert Johnson-

"IT ought never be forgotten that the past is the parent of the future" John C. Calhoun

WOR Alumni Sequoia 2009

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#241454 - 07/30/08 10:41 PM Re: Not Belonging [Re: michael banks]
Cobain28 Offline


Registered: 07/28/08
Posts: 15
Loc: Oshawa, Ontario, Canada
I can completely relate to all of those posts above. Whenever I start to make friends with someone or a group I begin to feel they don't think I am worthy or I'm too cocky or "know it all" ish. It's happened in most every group I've tried to connect myself too. I enjoy being alone and it takes a toll on my relationships, especially my love. My personality bears a lot of significance on material wealth, which I know is not always good or progressive, but it leads me to beleive that I'll never be successful because the successful are always extroverted and unafraid to feel that uncomfortable feeling and make it theirs. All your posts have opened my eyes.

Matt

_________________________
"Society, your crazy breed, hope you're not angry if I disagree." -Eddie Vedder-

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#241494 - 07/31/08 05:48 AM Re: Not Belonging [Re: Cobain28]
dark empathy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/26/07
Posts: 1862
Loc: durham, north england
Hi Mat.

Probably because I've met a lot of academics, i've met quite a number of highly successful intraverts. A friend of mine actually believes there's a social bias and prejudice towards extraversion.

I totally understand your worry of feeling like a knowitall and worrying how others see you. I find it nearly impossible to believe that anyone has good feelings about me at all, and in fact I'm really embarrassed and upset to reveal facts about myself that might make people think well of me. Yesterday for example I met someone, when she asked me what I was doing and I admitted I was doing a Phd her reaction was "wow!" and I felt really bothered by this.

one reason, ---- aside from the physical contact issues and everything else, why i've had a large number of female friends but never a Gf I think, is my total inability to even understand that anyone could be interested in getting close to me, and the fact that bloody stupid social convention means that that bloke has to make the first move, ---- this is one of the most unfair, unpleasant and hurtful genda prejudices I've ever come across, the problem is it's incredibly universal.


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