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#240210 - 07/25/08 06:56 PM Re: Not Belonging [Re: michael banks]
LW1527 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/14/08
Posts: 408
Loc: Salt Lake City Ut
Disociation was our friend while we grew up. Now we've grown up and disociation is not our friend any more. I struggle daily to keep my feet in the here and now. I can feel myself float away, but then I've learned to bring myself back most of the time.

I share your feelings here.

Lance


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#240275 - 07/26/08 03:19 AM Re: Not Belonging [Re: LW1527]
blueshift Offline
Guest

Registered: 01/21/08
Posts: 1242
Loc: infinity
Not belonging is way something I identify with. In fact I don't even feel ready to talk about it much save to say that I'm part of the not belonging club...Hey! I guess that means I belong to a club! Oh ok. Never mind then. \:\)

_________________________
My Story
My Art

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#240446 - 07/26/08 07:33 PM Re: Not Belonging [Re: blueshift]
dark empathy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/26/07
Posts: 1963
Loc: durham, north england
good one Blue shift, the not belonging club! sort of like solipsist's anonymous, lol!


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#240485 - 07/27/08 12:07 AM Re: Not Belonging [Re: LW1527]
michael banks Offline


Registered: 06/12/08
Posts: 1755
Loc: Mojave Desert, Ca
Lance,
I am feeling overwhelmed. I feel f--ked.
I have been on the web reading stuff on the dissocation.
Man here we go again.
I realized tonight that I have been dissociating all my life.
I do it all the time and most of the time without realizing it.
What now?
where to I go from here?
This bites!
mike

_________________________
To own one's shadow is the highest moral act of a human.
-Robert Johnson-

"IT ought never be forgotten that the past is the parent of the future" John C. Calhoun

WOR Alumni Sequoia 2009

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#240503 - 07/27/08 07:58 AM Re: Not Belonging [Re: michael banks]
dgoods Offline
Guest

Registered: 10/15/07
Posts: 622
Loc: Richmond area
I can relate Mike. I've had a history of being a little pendulum-like, in that most of the time i'm not 100% "there", and keep to myself; after a while, the need for human interaction asserts itself, in the form of "getting a little too excited" when someone that feels "safe" shows me some positive attention, and they usually (and understandably) back away nervously. This of course leads to further self-denigration and isolation, which only starts the cycle all over again...
Sometimes the only thing that helps is remembering that black-and-white thinking helps very little in a world made up of countless shades of gray, and while it's not the world's job to cater to my wishes, it's not my job to cater to anyone else's, either. Self-attention helps also, in the sense of paying close attention to those moments when i transition from being "there" to dissociating. It seems to be an unconscious form of self-protection, and being aware of what's setting the alarm system off at any given time helps.

_________________________
Give sorrow words: the grief that does not speak
Whispers the o'er-fraught heart and bids it break.

-William Shakespeare, Macbeth, Act IV, Sc. III

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#240504 - 07/27/08 08:54 AM Re: Not Belonging [Re: dgoods]
CDavid Offline


Registered: 07/05/08
Posts: 184
Mike,

Everybody disassociates to one degree or another. Driving to work, the same ole route everyday, after the hundreth time you do not need to be as "present" to do it as you needed to be the first time.

Some of us are just better at it than others :-)

The thing is, I think, that...recovery seems to be about having choices available where choices may not have seemed available before. If I "space out" as a matter of habit when something comes up, yea, I am not as available as I might be otherwise. I "disconnect," I "check out," I "wander off." Personally, my favorite is, "I wander off."

Being "aware" of it now, I can work on trying to stay more present.

Understanding why it is there gives us an appreciation for how very creative we were...needed to be.

For me...there was some anxiety about thinking, "Well, now I am going to have to quit it...what am I going to do when something really sucks? Am I going to be completely defenseless?"

I was grateful when my therapist said, "No. You do not have to give it up. Just be aware of it. Let it be a choice you make rather than have it be something that automatically happens."


:-)


CD


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#240505 - 07/27/08 09:31 AM Re: Not Belonging [Re: CDavid]
jcf1957 Offline
Guest

Registered: 09/11/07
Posts: 192
Loc: North Of The 49th Parallel
I can easily relate to what everybody else is describing in this thread. Perhaps asking ourselves what do we belong to as opposed to what we don't is what is most challenging for some.
In the end we have to be honest with ourselves.

Maybe a new thread ( What Do You Belong To )

Silence is sometimes my best belonging.

_________________________
No affliction nor temptation, no guilt nor power of sin, no wounded spirit nor terrified conscious should induce us to despair comfort from God.

Today well lived...makes every tomorrow a vision of Hope.
Anonymous

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#240564 - 07/27/08 04:09 PM Re: Not Belonging [Re: jcf1957]
michael banks Offline


Registered: 06/12/08
Posts: 1755
Loc: Mojave Desert, Ca
jcf,
You have to find out who you are before you can find where you belong.
Everyday, I am realizing that I truely belong here.
mike

_________________________
To own one's shadow is the highest moral act of a human.
-Robert Johnson-

"IT ought never be forgotten that the past is the parent of the future" John C. Calhoun

WOR Alumni Sequoia 2009

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#240577 - 07/27/08 06:00 PM Re: Not Belonging [Re: michael banks]
dark empathy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/26/07
Posts: 1963
Loc: durham, north england
Cd, what you say makes so much sense. I remember once in A-level psychology we had a pain test, where you had to stick your hand in an ice bucket and the time you could manage it was measured. unknown to anyone, six months before that I'd been experiencing abuse, and my entire coping stratogy involved me being in one place, and my body in another, compared to that, ice was easy, and it actually took the teacher worrying and asking if I was okay before I took my hand out of the ice.

To be honest, i'm just coming up from a really down couple of days where i've been feeling incredibly cut off and alone, and despising myself for it.

It really does seem to me that the feeling of not belonging or disociation is one of these things which you can perceive as good or bad depending upon how your generally feeling.

a friend of mine once said "just because society perceives extraversion as the norm, doesn't make extraversion desirable" and she was from a family with six kids living in a small house together, ---- all (according to her), apparently very intraverted.

sorry about the continuing wrant.


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#240668 - 07/28/08 08:32 AM Re: Not Belonging [Re: michael banks]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6401
Loc: 2.5 NATO Nations
Originally Posted By: michael banks
No matter where I go or what I do .
I always end up feeling like I don't belong.
Don't know why.
Do you feel this way too?
mike


Mike,

My version of this was that, beginning at 8 yo, I honestly believed I was a space alien. I thought that I HAD to have been left here by the mother ship and that someday they will return for me. I was shocked to see a movie about this very thing released early this year.

Even in adulthood, I find myself slipping back into this belief that I "don't belong" to such a severe degree, that I MUST be a space alien.

Weird, I know. Just thought I'd share my experience.

_________________________
Wishing You Were Here!

The Aftermath Video

The Water Buffalo Song

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