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#239631 - 07/22/08 11:04 PM Re: tired of ppl telling me they are a lost cause [Re: bardo213]
Trish4850 Offline
BoD Liaison Emeritus
MaleSurvivor<

Registered: 10/15/05
Posts: 3280
Loc: New Jersey
Addison,

How about, "well I appreciate your opinion, but I don't recall asking for it, so if you don't mind, I'll just forget this conversation" A**hole!

I'm sorry your dealing with morons on top of having to be the best Mom you can be to hurting kids. But the morons are easier to dismiss - please do your best to accomplish this for your own sake.

I can't imagine how badly you and your kids are hurting. The acting out doesn't surprise me one bit. I wish I had a failsafe answer on how to fix it, but I don't. They talk to you, maybe not alot, but at least some which is good. They know you're Mom and they also probably know that their behavior is hurting you; they just don't know what to do to stop it.

I remember when my daughter started driving, I heard about the "new driver contract" and found it online. I used the basic contract and modified it a bit with my own rules. The gist of it was that there were certain things she absolutely had to do to maintain the car and most importantly, keep herself and her passengers safe. There were rules that could NOT be broken and maybe others that we could talk about. As she got more experienced as a driver, things were modified (like how far away from home she was allowed to drive) It wasn't perfect, nothing is, but it did give us a starting point and she knew the boundaries she needed to maintain if she wanted to stay mobile.

Do you think one or all of the kids would respond to "making a deal" with you about some of the behaviors that are more difficult and harmful to them and all of you as a family? For instance, if they get a parking ticket, they pay it and lose the car for a week, except for work and school. If they get a speeding ticket, again, they pay it, but they lose the car for longer and they have to reimburse you for the lawyer, if there is one. By the same token, if their driving record is perfect for a year, you'll make an insurance payment as a reward.

I'm sure there is alot more you're dealing with other than car trouble, I'm just using it as an example.

ROCK ON.........Trish

_________________________
If you fall down 10 times, Stand up 11.

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#239686 - 07/23/08 06:51 AM Re: tired of ppl telling me they are a lost cause [Re: bardo213]
StartingOver08 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/07/08
Posts: 21
Loc: Baltimore
Addison, your kids aren't beyond help they just need the right counseling. I tried counseling and it does work as long as you take heed to it. Progress has to be shown from your kids part. First, having more respect for you as a parent and understanding what its doing to you when you have to repeatedly step in during their troubled times. I know at a younger age I did take my mother through some times I wish I hadn't. But as a young person I learned I didn't have to act out and I eventually understood what it was doing to her as a single mother. I was molested as a youth but I knew it wasn't her fault. If anything I wanted my mother to be at peace. Try persuading them to understand your hurt in all of this. I believe it will get better for you and your family.



Edited by StartingOver08 (07/23/08 06:55 AM)

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