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#239549 - 07/22/08 02:42 PM Today's Session I Don't Remember
LW1527 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/14/08
Posts: 408
Loc: Salt Lake City Ut
I had a session with my T today. I remember parts, but most of it I floated away when we started talking about being 16 years old. It wasn't one murder, but a murder and a police killing in the street late a night. Afterwards, my T told me I started hitting myself in the face and then I couldn't breathe. Next week we're supposed to get back to 16 again to sort out the back story of the murder and what took me there, because I don't remember how I even got there. I'm trying to be positive and upbeat about this.

I know my dad wanted me to join some boy's organization. I didn't but I didn't want to. Twice a week for like 12 weeks I was picked up in a car with a bunch of teens and taken to some place secret to memorize some sort of ritual thing. I hated it, but my dad would beat me if I didn't go. I remember that I was told if I mentioned anything about what we were learning, that they would kill me. I couldn't remember all the things I was supposed to memorize, so I would go home and write it down in a note book. I was terrified that I would be found out and killed, but I was terrified to be beaten and disspoint my dad and not have it memorized well. I don't know if this has anything to do with the violence, but I think it does.

So back into the swamp I go, to face what happened 12 years ago.

Lance


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#239556 - 07/22/08 03:32 PM Re: Today's Session I Don't Remember [Re: LW1527]
Power_water Offline
Guest

Registered: 09/14/07
Posts: 45
Loc: Portland, OR, USA
I am truly sorry for what you went through.
I was born in Provo Myself, grew up in Las Vegas
I had no memory of my abuse untill age 25. now I'm 33
Mine involved ritualized sexual worship blended with torture.
Several dead bodies, it's horrifying.
Mine also involved a local religious leader gone bad.


As you start this process of recovery you will need all the support you can get. Find people you trust, people you can talk to. reach out to your network. Hold onto God if you can. Jesus Christ is my anchor in the cyclone, and if necissary have a professional get you medicated.

With all the Love and empathy I can give


Joshuats

_________________________
Bring works of darkness to light

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#239566 - 07/22/08 05:08 PM Re: Today's Session I Don't Remember [Re: Power_water]
LW1527 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/14/08
Posts: 408
Loc: Salt Lake City Ut
You're the first person I have talked to regarding ritual abuse. Can I PM you if it wouldn't be too triggering?



Lance


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