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#239426 - 07/21/08 07:46 PM Hate me
LittleMiss Offline


Registered: 07/02/08
Posts: 66
Loc: USA
Have you guys ever heard this song? My husband says everything he is doing is so that I will have a good life without him, because I deserve so much more. He said it would be easier if I hated him. I think this is how he feels and it breaks my heart.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G84XdE7sHOU&feature=related

_________________________
LittleMiss

The woods are lovely, dark and deep. But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep, And miles to go before I sleep.

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#239438 - 07/21/08 08:39 PM Re: Hate me [Re: LittleMiss]
Junefriday Offline


Registered: 06/05/08
Posts: 113
Loc: Canada
Oh LittleMiss, that is so sad. But, tell him that it won't work. Hate is a feeling that hurts no one but the person feeling it. If you hate him, it won't hurt him, it will only hurt you. And given the person that you sound to be, it will only eat you up inside and change you. Don't let what you are going through change the good person that you are. Deep down your husband wouldn't want that.

_________________________
"Love comes to those who still hope even though they've been disappointed, to those who still believe even though they've been betrayed, to those who still love even though they've been hurt before.

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#239439 - 07/21/08 08:49 PM Re: Hate me [Re: Junefriday]
Abigale Offline


Registered: 07/16/08
Posts: 28
Loc: Northern NJ
little miss,

so sad. grab him, tell him u love him. i am fighting the same thing. this sucks. why don't they understand how much we love them for the strong men they are


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#239451 - 07/21/08 11:06 PM Re: Hate me [Re: Abigale]
NY Daisy Offline
New Here

Registered: 02/29/08
Posts: 183
LittleMiss,

I've heard that song before, but listening to it with what you said in your post made me cry. ((((HUG))) NYDAISY


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#239455 - 07/21/08 11:27 PM Re: Hate me [Re: NY Daisy]
LittleMiss Offline


Registered: 07/02/08
Posts: 66
Loc: USA
I would never never never hate him. I told him that I would never hate him, always love him. He said he has no home - but I told him that he always has one with me. Where ever I am, no matter what. He could always come home to me. Why won't he cling to that?

Abigale, I want more than anything to grab him and love him, but he is not letting me. I saw that you are new here. This is a good place, I'm glad you found it - even though the reason for it sad.

We've had a bad night. My husband left to stay somewhere else. He had a very bad day at work and insists that everyone at his work 'knows our problems' and thinks less of him. That they think he is a 'bad guy'. I really don't think any of them even know - but he feels like they do. He was almost crying, which is a big deal. We talked for a while, but he insisted on leaving. I just want to hold him, but he just won't let me. He wants me to call him in the morning so he knows I got to work ok.

I talked to my one really good friend tonight after he left. I've mentioned her on here before. I'm going to call a therapist tomorrow. I really need to. I hope it can help me some.



Edited by LittleMiss (07/21/08 11:30 PM)
_________________________
LittleMiss

The woods are lovely, dark and deep. But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep, And miles to go before I sleep.

Top
#239457 - 07/21/08 11:35 PM Re: Hate me [Re: NY Daisy]
mogigo Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/24/07
Posts: 1331
Loc: Colorado
It's so very hard to understand why other's don't hate us when we hate ourselves. And then to pull another down with us....ugh

I think we just can't see it.

I think we can learn to see it.

Stay strong Little miss
Mike

_________________________
Thriving

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#239461 - 07/22/08 12:04 AM Re: Hate me [Re: mogigo]
LittleMiss Offline


Registered: 07/02/08
Posts: 66
Loc: USA
Thanks Mike - but how can I make him see it?????

_________________________
LittleMiss

The woods are lovely, dark and deep. But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep, And miles to go before I sleep.

Top
#239463 - 07/22/08 12:28 AM Re: Hate me [Re: LittleMiss]
NY Daisy Offline
New Here

Registered: 02/29/08
Posts: 183
sorry you had a bad night LittleMiss. He really needs to talk to someone. I feel for you, and I feel for him. One thing that sticks out for me is that he WANTS YOU TO CALL HIM IN THE MORNING. I don't think he is as ready to let go as he says he is.
That is a very thoughtful thing to say.

I remember one time my H was talking about how we should seperate, my car got a flat,and he came to fix it. I told him it was really nice of him to come( he left work to do it.) He said to me," don't you know that no matter what,I will always be there for you, whenever you need me?" I clung to that line like my life depended on it. I have been learning to "read or listen" between the lines, and in your situation I see that line as a positive inbetween all the negative.
Warmly, NYDAISY


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#239478 - 07/22/08 01:57 AM Re: Hate me [Re: NY Daisy]
mogigo Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/24/07
Posts: 1331
Loc: Colorado
It's been a work in progress Littlemiss, certainly nothing that happens overnight, I'd have to say the biggest thing for me was helping other guys within my support group, made me feel like that I had something to offer.

Kind of a double edged sword though, I felt like a piece of crap but by feeling like that I could offer some understanding to others who felt that way.

Sorry, but it took other survivors to even touch on this problem.

Mike

_________________________
Thriving

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#239494 - 07/22/08 08:48 AM Re: Hate me [Re: LittleMiss]
Abigale Offline


Registered: 07/16/08
Posts: 28
Loc: Northern NJ
Little miss
A therapist is good. I am doing some soul searching to see what I want in life. As I have said before, I love him, but if he doesn't want me to love him, I have to accept that. I know we have had a good marriage, even though he says it was fake. He is so confussed. I feel the more I can look to myself now while we are together, the better it will be in the long run whether we are together or not. Sometimes he is compassionate, sometimes not. As my therapist says he is calling all the shots and I have to not take everything he says to heart. One day we are having a future, one day not.


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#239518 - 07/22/08 11:14 AM Re: Hate me [Re: Abigale]
1islandboy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/23/08
Posts: 860
Loc: washington
Dear Lil Miss,

This is one one of my favorite songs.

The difference in relating, is my marriage was broken. We were both to sick, I couldn't save her. (at this point, I am elated she is gone). Personally, I am sick and tired of sleeping on a couch for SEVERAL years, and I also do a very poor immitation of a sex camel. This is an owning my side of the street, and moving on song. (for me).

The big difference here is that you have feelings and you want very much for this relationship to work. I'm still thinking there is a big difference between separation and divorce.

It is hard to get inside a wounded warriors defense, we survived, the best way we knew how and this was a neccesssary component.

I'm sure there are more questions than answers for the wounded warrior. He feels it would be easier if you hated him. Of course it would be easier, that doesn't mean, It is right and just.

I used to stuff my feelings with alcohol, and tried to somehow think my way through this thing. Problem is, that doesn't work, it is a total waste of time. The only way, for me, to get through this thing is to feel my way through it.

I am trained to control traffic, and can take control of any given traffic intersection at any given time, Sometimes with vehicles going every whichaway the feelings are very intense/ with a dash of vulnerability. (I have figuratively nicknamed this activity, "The dance with death").

I have found the music and the dance very cathardic. With all the confusion I'm sure he feels lost and hopeless. None of my business, But with this confusion, I feel, he probably isn't qualified to make even a simple decision about your relationship.

I do understand the desire to flirt and dance with the madness. For me it was the only way to find my sanity.


Lunatic fringe..... I know your out there, You're in heartache, and I know what your looking for... (Red Rider)

island

_________________________
Rise above the storm and you will find the sunshine ~ M.F. Fernandez

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#239526 - 07/22/08 11:36 AM Re: Hate me [Re: Abigale]
StartingOver08 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/07/08
Posts: 21
Loc: Baltimore
To all the women that are going through similar situations with your spouses I applaud you. I can only imagine its not easy but very honorable when considering the society we all come from. Little Miss, is your husband a member of Male Survivor? If so I would like to chat with him concerning his feelings because I've been where he is now. I never married but almost did at an earlier age. The feelings you discribed him displaying sounds all so familiar.


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#239537 - 07/22/08 12:12 PM Re: Hate me [Re: StartingOver08]
Abigale Offline


Registered: 07/16/08
Posts: 28
Loc: Northern NJ
There is so much good information here today. This is a crossroad in his life. Unfortunately I am in the middle of the intersection. One day he tells me theres no us, the next he is cuddling with me. Is this normal? When i become distant he asks me whats the matter. when I am attentative he backs away. I am trying to be strong. I want our marriage to work. We have our whole lives ahead of us to follow all the dreams we made.


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#239540 - 07/22/08 12:29 PM Re: Hate me [Re: Abigale]
StartingOver08 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/07/08
Posts: 21
Loc: Baltimore
Abigale, I will say this prior to marriage is when we should analyze ourselves individually, and most closely. This allowed me to rethink marriage and become more honest with myself and others.




___________________________________________
Words to live by:
Never start a party on the grounds of predestined disaster.


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#239642 - 07/22/08 11:26 PM Re: Hate me [Re: NY Daisy]
LittleMiss Offline


Registered: 07/02/08
Posts: 66
Loc: USA
Originally Posted By: NY Daisy
One thing that sticks out for me is that he WANTS YOU TO CALL HIM IN THE MORNING. I don't think he is as ready to let go as he says he is.
That is a very thoughtful thing to say.

I remember one time my H was talking about how we should seperate, my car got a flat,and he came to fix it. I told him it was really nice of him to come( he left work to do it.) He said to me," don't you know that no matter what,I will always be there for you, whenever you need me?" I clung to that line like my life depended on it. I have been learning to "read or listen" between the lines, and in your situation I see that line as a positive inbetween all the negative.
Warmly, NYDAISY


Well, I cling to his words also. But then I get really confused. He says he wants a divorce, that he can't be with me/anyone. Then he says he is not abandoning me and loves me. So - I get confused because I think - is wanting to get a divorce the bad stuff and really he means the good stuff? OR does he really mean the bad stuff and is only saying the good stuff because 'it is the right thing to say'? I just go back and forth in my mind.

He said that once I moved out, since he wouldn't be able to wash my car, that he would make sure he called the local car detail guy and have him come by to clean my car once a week. That's not typical 'divorce behavior'. See - back and forth.

Abigale - I understand how you feel. My husband also says our good marriage was a fake. He too holds me close one night and runs away the next.

StartingOver08 - I WISH he was a member of the site. I have told him about it, but as far as I know, he has not looked at it or joined. It struck me what mogigo said - about helping others helped him. My husband 'hates' himself for what happened to him, BUT he always tries to see good and help other people. IF ONLY he could be in a situation with other survivors, I KNOW that he would not blame them, not thing badly of them - thus maybe helping him to see that he shouldn't blame or think badly of himself. Maybe? But, we live in a rural area. I can't get him to see a therapist, much less FIND some kind of support group (I know there are retreats to go to - but he is SO not ready for that, but SO desperately in need of it).

SO - the big thing going on right now?? He left last night at 9:00 and slept somewhere else (don't know where). He called me this morning to make sure I was ok and to tell me he was at work. Then I got home tonight and there is a note on the 'frig that says "SEE YOU TOMORROW. LOVE, ****" Again, I don't know where he is.

Never, never, never has he done anything like this. I would be stupid not to think maybe he really is seeing someone else, but I just really don't think so. I don't know. Some survivors act out sexually also. He never has with anyone else - but maybe now we've come to that? But I just don't know.

_________________________
LittleMiss

The woods are lovely, dark and deep. But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep, And miles to go before I sleep.

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#239690 - 07/23/08 07:28 AM Re: Hate me [Re: LittleMiss]
LittleMiss Offline


Registered: 07/02/08
Posts: 66
Loc: USA
I just wanted to say that he called me this morning. He was at his work (caller id) and he was there 2 hours before it opens. So - again, I am positive it is not another woman.

He said he hates this. He said he had been staying in a hotel and would come home tonight. I told him that I have the key to the new apartment - he said, 'no worries - lets take our time'.

I told him that I wished he could feel better - he said that he wished that too. Is that a step??? WANTING to feel better - then actually TRYING to feel better (like talking to a therapist or group)????? I wish he would try - but he just refuses.

_________________________
LittleMiss

The woods are lovely, dark and deep. But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep, And miles to go before I sleep.

Top
#239818 - 07/23/08 05:26 PM Re: Hate me [Re: LittleMiss]
NY Daisy Offline
New Here

Registered: 02/29/08
Posts: 183
Littlemiss, I read both your posts and actually wanted to send you a private post but you are not accepting them.

I totally get what you are saying. The thing for me is that he is very confused.He wants you, he doesn't want you. To me this is not the time to make any rash decisions. My H has been the same way at times. He is now coming down from his state of confusion. He even bought me flowers today.

anyway this is such a difficult desicion to make, and I think you need to be very careful, even though he at times has been pushing you so hard to leave, he also says things like what he said above about not having to rush to move out, he is conflicted. You moving out could backfire on you.(Sorry survivors) I know for my spouse, even though he would say he wanted out, had I ever left or made him leave, his response would have been,"see I knew she would leave, just like everyone else. I knew I couldn't trust her. I knew she thought I was damaged ect..." He might not be able to recover, EVEN THOUGH IT WAS HIS IDEA. They have very fragile egos. They were hurt by the people who should have loved them, they expect everyone to abandon them.(Am I wrong guys?)

I'm sorry I sound like I am trying to talk you out of it, I'm not. I am on the side that is best for you. You clearly do not want to lose your H, and from all your posts, I'm not convinced he wants to lose you. The second time my H spiralled out of control and he was pushing me away I told him one day, " I know what you are doing, and it is not going to work." he asked what I meant, and I told him that he was pushing me away, and plain and simple it just was not going to work, so you need to stop. You are not getting rid of me that easy. All he said was "OH"
Months later he said to me "I'm glad your stubborn."

So I am on your side,and am here for you, if leaving is the only answer for you, then that is what you need to do, you must always do what is right for you, follow your instincts they always know, WARMLY, NYDAISY


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#239822 - 07/23/08 05:47 PM Re: Hate me [Re: NY Daisy]
Abigale Offline


Registered: 07/16/08
Posts: 28
Loc: Northern NJ
NY Daisy
I am having such a hard time today. Why is my H pushing away the only one that didn't hurt him. All I do is love him. It is so hard to be living like we are strangers. He says such hurtful things. Tells me this is all about him and his feelings. No matter who he hurts, me the kids, its about him. I am trying to look into myself more and not him, sometimes its so hard. I feel like my whole world is crumbling. I am just feeling very sad at this moment. Sorry for babbling.


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#239827 - 07/23/08 06:10 PM Re: Hate me [Re: NY Daisy]
LittleMiss Offline


Registered: 07/02/08
Posts: 66
Loc: USA
NYDaisy - I fixed that private message thing. I didn't know how it worked - but I checked that I would accept them.

I too thought/think that he didn't REALLY want me to leave. That's why I've been stalling. It has been a month. He is still insisting. He even went to the court house and got one of those 'divorce packets'. Apparently they have a whole stack on the counter, 10 bucks to get one, fill it out, see a judge, 180 days later, boom - divorced. Ain't that grand??! I REALLY didn't think he'd go get one - BUT HE DID.

We have been together 7 years. Lived together 3, married 4. We worked together for a couple of months, went out on a date on a Friday - I moved in with him the following Monday. 3 months after that, we moved to another state. He disclosed to me 4 months later. He 'broke up with me' then. Insisted I move out. I did because I didn't know what else to do. I lived in the other apartment for a week. Then he begged me to come back. I did. We moved again. Got engaged. Got married.

I asked him about all that. NOW he says he only 'begged' me back because 'he felt sorry for me', only got engaged because he thought that was 'what I wanted', and only got married because he 'felt like he had to.' Like I wouldn't have noticed that for 7 years he didn't want to be with me??

So, all that aside, I guess in the back of my mind - I'm thinking, well, when I moved out the first time (7 years ago) - he calmed down and moved through it. Will it work this time?? I HAVE NO IDEA...

He is supposed to come home tonight. Maybe we can talk more. Maybe I can make some sense of what to do. I have told him repeatedly that if I move, then he can come see me, come stay with me, that he can always come home to me, no matter what happens or how long, he always can. I told him - whether I am with you or without you - I still love you just the same, so pushing me away isn't going to "save" me, I'll just be out there loving you still.

_________________________
LittleMiss

The woods are lovely, dark and deep. But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep, And miles to go before I sleep.

Top
#239829 - 07/23/08 06:14 PM Re: Hate me [Re: Abigale]
LittleMiss Offline


Registered: 07/02/08
Posts: 66
Loc: USA
Abigale - I think I must have been in the middle of writing my post while you were writing yours. I just want to say that I hear you and I understand perfectly what you are going through. Didn't you mention that your husband is going to therapy? That's good if he is. Mine will not. He is just spiraling downward rapidly. I know how much you are hurting, I read your posts and I feel exactly what you are feeling - except we do not have children - so your situation is that much harder. I'm so sorry - I have no advice - I'm in a whirlwind as well - I just wanted you to know I hear you. This site has been my lifeline.

_________________________
LittleMiss

The woods are lovely, dark and deep. But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep, And miles to go before I sleep.

Top
#239842 - 07/23/08 07:01 PM Re: Hate me [Re: LittleMiss]
Abigale Offline


Registered: 07/16/08
Posts: 28
Loc: Northern NJ
I just want to shake him sometimes. my D doesn't like him anymore, she says he is messing up the whole family.
i try to tell her to give him time, but in my mind i am thinking the same thing. the only thing i don't care about his T is that she has him focusing all on himself, what about everyone else????? thank you littlemiss, i know you are hurting as well. i guess i am just feeling sorry for myself


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#239854 - 07/23/08 07:37 PM Re: Hate me [Re: Abigale]
LittleMiss Offline


Registered: 07/02/08
Posts: 66
Loc: USA
I think the therapist is making him focus on himself because so often survivors put all their effort into focusing on others, creating the 'perfect' environment, always 'doing the right thing' for everyone else. I think that is what my husband has done and it sounds a little like maybe yours did too? By focusing on himself - his needs, his wants, maybe it will help him see what he REALLY wants and feels. You mentioned he said he felt that your marriage was fake - mine said that too. If he focuses on himself MAYBE he'll find his true feelings and realize the marriage isn't a "fake".

Mine is not in therapy - but he did say "I need to do this (separation/divorce) for me. I always do what everyone else wants, or the right thing. This is what I need to do." It sounds selfish if I say that out loud to anyone outside this forum, but I don't think it is - it is him trying desperately to find himself. I have so much faith and I believe in and love him so much, that is the only thing keeping me from falling apart.

Hey - I think this is the first time I have actually been the one to offer 'advice'. I guess I've been feeling pretty sorry for myself too. Thanks.

_________________________
LittleMiss

The woods are lovely, dark and deep. But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep, And miles to go before I sleep.

Top
#239932 - 07/24/08 01:05 AM Re: Hate me [Re: LittleMiss]
NY Daisy Offline
New Here

Registered: 02/29/08
Posts: 183
Dear Abigale, Hi! Do you see a T on your own? If not I strongly recommend that you do. It helps so,so so,much. I read you have been with your H for 20 yrs. I've been with mine for 19yrs. My H has never said the marriage is fake. His line for our marriage is that he is in it "all by himself." Really, what have I been doing all this time?

My H when he is going through a hard time gets very hurtful and nasty. What we as the spouses have to remember is that whatever he is saying about you, HE REALLY FEELS ABOUT HIMSELF. Now is that easy, no way. My problem with my spouse right now is even though he is calming down, and starting to feel better(we are in T together also) he needs to find better coping skills because making me the target of his pain and anger is no longer acceptable. I told him I will not be treated that way anymore.

They take it out on us because we are the closest person to them,and I know for my spouse he no longer talks to anyone in his family, so he can't put it where it really needs to be. I told him he should write letters,and not mail them. He also told me that because I am a strong individual that he thought I could just take it, that he didn't even realize how hurt I was.

For him to heal, it has to be about him. He has to do it at his own pace. THat does not mean it should be done at your expense. You deserve to be respected. I read that you have kids, me too. His healing should not come at their expense either. That is why I told my H if he decides to leave then that is it,FINAL, so he had better be sure. I was not going to confuse them.

I know it is so hard. I am sorry you had a bad day, (((HUG)))
and never apoligize for babbling, which to me 4 lines is NOT babbling, it has to be 5 lines or more(LOL).
Warmly, NYDAISY


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#239934 - 07/24/08 01:59 AM Re: Hate me [Re: LittleMiss]
NY Daisy Offline
New Here

Registered: 02/29/08
Posts: 183
Dear LittleMiss, First off you gave great advice to Abigale.

So you had a whirlwind romance? Me too. I met my H at work, went out on one date, nine months later, married. Now I wonder if he rushed things because he was afraid I'd notice something. I didn't know about his abuse until we were married for 5 yrs and I had just had our second child. He was awful to me for two yrs before that. Blamed me for his lifeand anything else he could blame me for.

I am sorry your H went and got those divorce papers. I wasn't aware you could do that either.

I hope you don't believe all that stuff he said about how he begged you back because he felt sorry for you, and got engaged to make you happy and so forth... that is such crap. It just a tactic that some men use to hurt you or end the conversation. They have to protect themselves at all costs.

Why is your H not willing to see a T? It would help so much. What about marriage counseling? Would he possibly be open to that. He has so much going on in his head and he really needs to get it out. I cannot even begin to imagine what it must be like to walk in their shoes. They probably use the word fake to describe a marriage,not because the marriage was fake, but they feel fake. They have had to live with this secret, and make things up as they went along, just to survive the day, that many of these men don't even have a full understanding as to who they are. That choice or option was taken from them. Now they need to find out. My H has called me narcissistic. I am not. It's just that I know me, he knows me. When someone asks me for a favor and I can't or do not feel like doing it, I have no problem saying no. HE is like, "what kind of person does that? you are so selfish." He would do everything for everyone ,he never said no. He wanted everyone to like him. I don't care. I told him why would I do something I clearly do not want to do, and be miserable the whole time, what would be the purpose of that, wouldn't I just be resentful and pissed off? He was like WOW. All of my friends know that if I offer, I REALLY MEAN IT. They take me up on it. As for my H, after 19 yrs he is learning you can't please everyone, so you need to please your self first. He was so proud the first time someone asked him for a favor, and it was totally out of his way and he said no. How did that make you feel? His answer, really damn good. Boy I got off the beaten trail.
My point is he does need to find out who he is but is he sure he really wants to do that alone? His wavering only leaves you confused. If you leave then no one else knows about it, so how will he heal? He will need someone, so why shouldn't be you. He really needs to think this through. It is not fair to you. You can't spend the rest of your life in limbo, waiting. Also he cannot get a divorce if you don't sign the papers, correct?
Well I'm getting sleepy, and probably don't make much sense anymore, so I'll end now. Warmly, NYDAISY


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#239957 - 07/24/08 07:43 AM Re: Hate me [Re: NY Daisy]
LittleMiss Offline


Registered: 07/02/08
Posts: 66
Loc: USA
He won't see a therapist because 10 years ago, he did see one (or he says more than one). I asked him why he went. He said it was after his friend was killed. (He had 4 different friends get killed in 5 years - auto accident, motorcycle accident, hit by a train, and murdered. My husband had to be a witness at the trial.) So, during the time of the trial, my husband's then girlfriend cheated on him & they broke up, and the family member (perp) died and my husband started to remember. He went to therapy - BUT never told them about the abuse.

He says that the different therapists he went to said they couldn't help him, that he suffered Post Tramatic Stress Disorder. They gave him medicine that didn't work and they called him crazy. (This is of course, his interpretation of the situation.)

So, NO, he refuses to go back. I sent him a link to this site and told him to just check it out. I told him that all those "alone" and "crazy" feelings he has, that there are other people dealing with the same situation and that they can maybe help - IF NOTHING ELSE, JUST TO KNOW YOU ARE NOT ALONE, AND HOW YOU FEEL IS "NORMAL" FOR YOUR SITUATION. AND TO SEE THAT OTHERS WORK THROUGH IT AND CAN FEEL BETTER.

_________________________
LittleMiss

The woods are lovely, dark and deep. But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep, And miles to go before I sleep.

Top
#239959 - 07/24/08 08:06 AM Re: Hate me [Re: LittleMiss]
Abigale Offline


Registered: 07/16/08
Posts: 28
Loc: Northern NJ
NY Daisy & Little Miss
Yes I am seeing a T on my own. It is hard cause she only sees my side.There are things that she says that I really don't agree, she thinks he is questioning his sexuality, maybe hes gay, I brought up the myth about that, and she agreed. Then she said she wanted me to read a book about sexual addiction, that maybe he has that, I don't see that either. She suggested for him to come to a visit, but he won't. He likes his which is good. I know eventually we are supposed to go to his together.
You both have given me such good advise. I was just having a bad day yesterday. Sometimes its hard to be the strong one, for me and the kids. I was in the why me mode. I want to hang in there. Yesterday he was normal, like old times. I try not to let it play with my head. But I do feel a distance.
Little Miss, how long has your H been going through this? Do you think if you don't sign the papers like NY Daisy said he might change his mind?
Thank you ladies for helping me through this. You are truely lifesavers.


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#240042 - 07/24/08 08:07 PM Re: Hate me [Re: Abigale]
LittleMiss Offline


Registered: 07/02/08
Posts: 66
Loc: USA
NYDaisy - I tried to send you a PM, but it is the first one I have sent. Just wanted to make sure it 'worked'.

Abigale - I replied to yours. Again - I didn't even know that was an option, until NYDaisy said that I wasn't accepting them, so I have fixed that.

I'm kinda in limbo about signing/not signing. Right now, he is offering me a pretty good settlement. I would have a big problem if he suddenly decided he didn't want to be responsible for stuff and I had to fight him on it. Even if we split bills 50/50, it would hurt me.

So, I don't know.
Don't sign the papers = MAYBE save him/maybe hurt me.
Do sign the papers = maybe protect myself/maybe hurt him/definately hurt us both

I just don't know.

_________________________
LittleMiss

The woods are lovely, dark and deep. But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep, And miles to go before I sleep.

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