Have you guys ever heard this song? My husband says everything he is doing is so that I will have a good life without him, because I deserve so much more. He said it would be easier if I hated him. I think this is how he feels and it breaks my heart.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G84XdE7sHOU&feature=related

Oh LittleMiss, that is so sad. But, tell him that it won't work. Hate is a feeling that hurts no one but the person feeling it. If you hate him, it won't hurt him, it will only hurt you. And given the person that you sound to be, it will only eat you up inside and change you. Don't let what you are going through change the good person that you are. Deep down your husband wouldn't want that.

little miss,

so sad. grab him, tell him u love him. i am fighting the same thing. this sucks. why don't they understand how much we love them for the strong men they are

LittleMiss,

I've heard that song before, but listening to it with what you said in your post made me cry. ((((HUG))) NYDAISY

I would never never never hate him. I told him that I would never hate him, always love him. He said he has no home - but I told him that he always has one with me. Where ever I am, no matter what. He could always come home to me. Why won't he cling to that?

Abigale, I want more than anything to grab him and love him, but he is not letting me. I saw that you are new here. This is a good place, I'm glad you found it - even though the reason for it sad.

We've had a bad night. My husband left to stay somewhere else. He had a very bad day at work and insists that everyone at his work 'knows our problems' and thinks less of him. That they think he is a 'bad guy'. I really don't think any of them even know - but he feels like they do. He was almost crying, which is a big deal. We talked for a while, but he insisted on leaving. I just want to hold him, but he just won't let me. He wants me to call him in the morning so he knows I got to work ok.

I talked to my one really good friend tonight after he left. I've mentioned her on here before. I'm going to call a therapist tomorrow. I really need to. I hope it can help me some.

It's so very hard to understand why other's don't hate us when we hate ourselves. And then to pull another down with us....ugh

I think we just can't see it.

I think we can learn to see it.

Stay strong Little miss
Mike

Thanks Mike - but how can I make him see it?????

sorry you had a bad night LittleMiss. He really needs to talk to someone. I feel for you, and I feel for him. One thing that sticks out for me is that he WANTS YOU TO CALL HIM IN THE MORNING. I don't think he is as ready to let go as he says he is.
That is a very thoughtful thing to say.

I remember one time my H was talking about how we should seperate, my car got a flat,and he came to fix it. I told him it was really nice of him to come( he left work to do it.) He said to me," don't you know that no matter what,I will always be there for you, whenever you need me?" I clung to that line like my life depended on it. I have been learning to "read or listen" between the lines, and in your situation I see that line as a positive inbetween all the negative.
Warmly, NYDAISY

It's been a work in progress Littlemiss, certainly nothing that happens overnight, I'd have to say the biggest thing for me was helping other guys within my support group, made me feel like that I had something to offer.

Kind of a double edged sword though, I felt like a piece of crap but by feeling like that I could offer some understanding to others who felt that way.

Sorry, but it took other survivors to even touch on this problem.

Mike

Little miss
A therapist is good. I am doing some soul searching to see what I want in life. As I have said before, I love him, but if he doesn't want me to love him, I have to accept that. I know we have had a good marriage, even though he says it was fake. He is so confussed. I feel the more I can look to myself now while we are together, the better it will be in the long run whether we are together or not. Sometimes he is compassionate, sometimes not. As my therapist says he is calling all the shots and I have to not take everything he says to heart. One day we are having a future, one day not.