I have been sober from drugs and alcohol for 20 years and over the past 5+ years my addiction has taken on a new form of self destructive and abusive sadomasochistic sex. It throws me into depression and I have been to some SAA and other 12 meetings for sexual addiction.
I am realizing that I probably will never deal with my sexual addictions until I deal with my sexual abuse... However it is very confusing because I do not have clear memories of what happened... only bits and pieces!
I have put myself in some dangerous situations recently and I need help!!!!
If anyone has had any similar experiences and any advice I could really use someone to talk to...
Thanks

I am just figuring this whole thing out and realized I should probably have posted in the general public forum... sorry
but any help would be greatly appreciated

zhope, i sense you are in a highly anxious state at the time. it seems you are feeling pretty hopeless and alone at the time, but i assure you having found male survivor web you are in a great spot, and you can relax a little anyway. take a deep breath now. realize that you are not alone anymore. read, share, join a healing circle. we look forward to getting to know about your pain and suffering, and helping you grow along with us.

take heart bro, things are gonna get better soon,

ron

Thanks Ron... It helps just knowing I'm not alone.
I have been dealing with this -or not dealing with this- for over 15 years and I have been able to maintain a baseline of mental health and peace in my life through my recovery from my alcoholism. But the self destrutive acting out has taken a huge toll on me and I see how closely tied it is to my abuse.
My perp was my father and I confronted him 8 years ago only to be called a liar and to be ostracized by my family... me and my father did not speak for two years. I know he loves me and I believe he was only acting out of what was done to him but I am in this limbo now of what I needto do to take care of myself and being able to let my family , who is probably just as bruised and damaged as me, live and love.

I am new to this whole online chat room thing but if I am going to spend my time online I guess it beats surfing for porn and hookers :-)
I would love to know more about the healing circles and how to get involved and I appreciate you taking the time to respond.
Thanks Again
Troy

Sometimes I think until we find a better way we are forced to choose the self-destructive coping method that is the least self destructive. That's what I have had to do. Stick around and keep talking about it. There is help and where there is help there is hope.