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#240222 - 07/25/08 08:02 PM Re: Other People don't "GET IT" [Re: LittleMiss]
BJK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/02/07
Posts: 1526
LittleMiss,

The feelings your husband is going through at work is totally normal for someone who is dealing with depression. He is hyper-sensitive to the way others think about him. He feels as if they are treating him differently because of something he said or did. He probably feels like an outsider in a world that is conspiring against him, and the most sad part about all of this is that it is very possible that he may feel that way about you, too. Unforunately, nothing you can say or do can remove him from this reverie. He has to work that out on his own.

The fact that you are NOT confirming his fears speaks volumes about you. He's not ready to deal with this head on. He might never be, unfortunately. With me, something specific had to happen in order to jolt me into dealing with it.

Please know that a lot of what you say about your husband rings true to me. A lot of us survivors have a lot in common.

Bryan

_________________________
Revenge is nothing more than another way of perpetuating abuse.

What the world needs now
Is some new words of wisdom
Like la la la la la la la la la.
-David Lowery

Having a friend who will keep a secret for you is worthless compared to a friend who won't keep a secret from you.

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#240420 - 07/26/08 05:39 PM Re: Other People don't "GET IT" [Re: BJK]
LittleMiss Offline


Registered: 07/02/08
Posts: 66
Loc: USA
BJK - thank you for the response. I alway enjoy your posts - well thought out, worth reading, etc etc.

I do feel my husband is depressed. Depressed in a big way. And about being hypersensitive - you have no idea!!! He told me the other day that our dog doesn't like him. Our DOG??!? Come on.

I think, no - I hope that this space apart will give him time to work though this and towards something else. He keeps telling me that he thinks/hopes it will. He says he just can't concentrate on himself because of feelings like he has to be 'on' for me. Which I told him he doesn't, he doesn't have to hang out with me inside if he wants to be in the garage, he doesn't have to watch my movies if he'd rather watch racing. I don't care - I am not a pushy clingy person. He has always been the clingy one. He says he KNOWS but he still FEELS he has to, and until he can break that "HAS TO" feeling and do what he "WANTS TO", we are getting no where.

He finally told some of his co-workers today about our upcoming "divorce". He seemed to be feeling better - just getting that much out maybe helped (I know Indy thinks getting it ALL out would help tremendously, and I agree, I am just waiting for him to be the one to do it). But, he also said he felt like he was still on 'pretend to be happy' mode.

I just don't know what the catalyst will be that pushes him to seek help.


I got off the track of this thread, huh? Other People? Well, hows this for "other people" - most family/friends are now convinced that he is seeing someone else - because of his "strange" behavior. Maybe he is, still I don't think so. So, I have to say "I don't know. I don't think so, but I guess maybe. We'll see I guess." I don't feed into them one bit. So, we'll see I guess.

_________________________
LittleMiss

The woods are lovely, dark and deep. But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep, And miles to go before I sleep.

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#240424 - 07/26/08 05:47 PM Re: Other People don't "GET IT" [Re: LittleMiss]
BJK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/02/07
Posts: 1526
Little Miss,

Thank you for the compliment.

A year ago, I didn't know what "love" was. In fact, to be completely blunt, if I had read your posts a year ago, I would have thought you were full of shit.

Now, I read your posts, and it is obvious to me that you love your husband a great deal.

I suspect that your husband is finding out what love is for the first time, and it is scaring him.

Bryan



Edited by BJK (07/26/08 05:47 PM)
_________________________
Revenge is nothing more than another way of perpetuating abuse.

What the world needs now
Is some new words of wisdom
Like la la la la la la la la la.
-David Lowery

Having a friend who will keep a secret for you is worthless compared to a friend who won't keep a secret from you.

Top
#240588 - 07/27/08 06:17 PM Re: Other People don't "GET IT" [Re: BJK]
LittleMiss Offline


Registered: 07/02/08
Posts: 66
Loc: USA
Originally Posted By: BJK
A year ago, I didn't know what "love" was. In fact, to be completely blunt, if I had read your posts a year ago, I would have thought you were full of shit.

Now, I read your posts, and it is obvious to me that you love your husband a great deal.


Full of shit, huh? LOL \:D

I think there is a difference between being full of shit and putting up with shit!!! ;\)

I don't even mean my husband's shit - just shit from everywhere/everyone about this whole situation. Sometimes its like shit keeps getting shoved at you and you just smile and say "thanks, more please." AAAHHHHHHH!!!!!

(that was a lot of 'shits' from me. sorry!)

_________________________
LittleMiss

The woods are lovely, dark and deep. But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep, And miles to go before I sleep.

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#240614 - 07/27/08 09:09 PM Re: Other People don't "GET IT" [Re: LittleMiss]
BJK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/02/07
Posts: 1526
lol...no worries. I was trying to be as polite as possible in expressing the point above. I'm glad you took it the right way.

\:\)

Bryan

_________________________
Revenge is nothing more than another way of perpetuating abuse.

What the world needs now
Is some new words of wisdom
Like la la la la la la la la la.
-David Lowery

Having a friend who will keep a secret for you is worthless compared to a friend who won't keep a secret from you.

Top
#240645 - 07/28/08 12:58 AM Re: Other People don't "GET IT" [Re: BJK]
NY Daisy Offline
New Here

Registered: 02/29/08
Posts: 183
LittleMiss, I am not positive, but I think you missed a shit, can you add just one more? LOL


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#240664 - 07/28/08 07:44 AM Re: Other People don't "GET IT" [Re: NY Daisy]
LittleMiss Offline


Registered: 07/02/08
Posts: 66
Loc: USA
Oh Shit!

_________________________
LittleMiss

The woods are lovely, dark and deep. But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep, And miles to go before I sleep.

Top
#240746 - 07/28/08 05:20 PM Re: Other People don't "GET IT" [Re: LittleMiss]
NY Daisy Offline
New Here

Registered: 02/29/08
Posts: 183
That's better, THANK YOU!!!


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#240913 - 07/29/08 05:52 AM Re: Other People don't "GET IT" [Re: Trish4850]
indygal Offline
Member

Registered: 06/22/06
Posts: 439
Originally Posted By: Trish4850
Indy,

Survivors will speak; they do speak when they are able. Those who are unable to any any given moment aren't keeping the secret of what happened to them because they want bad things to continue happening to children. They are silent because of trauma. When a survivor is first able to articulate that trauma to someone who is close, usually a partner, it is their first tentative step into the world of trusting another human being. That trust should be honored and hopefully the partner and the survivor can work together to first heal themselves and then maybe try to heal the world, but it doesn't happen in one fell swoop.

ROCK ON........Trish


gosh Trish - thanks for that incredible insight - am not sure I ever knew it was, gasp, TRAUMA we were talking about -

you know, I'm now totally convinced there are more than a few of you who "don't really get it" or are even (accurately) reading what I've been taking so much time, patience and perseverance to write in as an intelligent and thoughtful manner as I can.

I saw an old tv show streaming on the web tonight and in it this guy tells this other guy a story who's just been diagnosed with PTSD. Here's the story:

this fellow is walking down the street and falls in a hole. He can't get out. He calls up but no one hears him.

Then a dr walks by and he calls up - Dr help me please!

the dr writes a pre>
_________________________
my avatar is one of the Battle Angel characters, fighting the good fight.

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#240925 - 07/29/08 08:05 AM Re: Other People don't "GET IT" [Re: indygal]
Trish4850 Offline
BoD Liaison Emeritus
MaleSurvivor<

Registered: 10/15/05
Posts: 3280
Loc: New Jersey
The thing is Indy that the decisions made by husbands/wives or boyfriends/girlfriends have to reflect what is good, not only for the individual, but for the couple, if that couple is to stay together. If a decision made by one would hurt the other, then it's likely that the decision is the wrong one.

_________________________
If you fall down 10 times, Stand up 11.

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