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#238840 - 07/18/08 08:47 PM Another pill pusher
Tinman Offline


Registered: 05/30/08
Posts: 359
Loc: Lake Forest, CA
I finally made another appointment to see one of the drug industrys darlings: A psychiatrist.

After the last one, I am not so sure about this.

But my T says I need some antidepressant and anxiety meds because of the trouble I am having in dealing with my rage issues. Or at least he thinks I am having trouble.

When I first started seeing a therapist, I thought people would think I was nuts. But having to take drugs has brought that whole thing up again.

I was normal once. Until some asshole changed all that.

God I want off this ride!!!!

_________________________
Tinman
"I finally have my heart!"

To the perps: Don't worry about me coming after you. But you damn well better watch out for God! "Vengeance is mine", saith the Lord

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#238844 - 07/18/08 08:58 PM Re: Another pill pusher [Re: Tinman]
hogan_dawg Offline
Guest

Registered: 03/26/08
Posts: 492
You and the PDoc discuss rage issues too right?

It took me and my PDoc a year to find the right dosage of 1 drug. We tinkered with it because some of my diet was causing me to piss out the medication before it could be effective. We had to adjust for diet and habits, even sleep and when I took the drug.

Ten years later we had to revise the dosage and make a cocktail. My body just changed.

My take on it is that the drugs are better than jail or flipping out on someone. I hear of guys all anxious and depressed and angry driving their cars and I think man, that's a recipe for road rage. Or domestic violence. Or alcohol abuse...

I dunno. I know it sucks but if we are in need of antidepressants and anxiety drugs, it IS the hand we're dealt and the issues aren't going to go away with talk therapy. Usually the talk therapy and the drugs are supposed to be done together.

Anyway, the best person to get your drugs from is the same person who does the talk therapy because then they have a better handle on your life and can pick up nuances that might affect your dosage.

_________________________
I can say unequivocally that the lie of "To truly heal you must first forgive" has derailed more victims than the abusers themselves.
Andrew Vachs, 2003

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#238845 - 07/18/08 09:07 PM Re: Another pill pusher [Re: hogan_dawg]
Tinman Offline


Registered: 05/30/08
Posts: 359
Loc: Lake Forest, CA
Around here, psychiatrists do not do talk therapy. At least in my experience. They just do meds.

But once I have one, my T will be in contact with him/her to discuss the matter.

I made the appointment, but I am not so sure I will take meds. I hate the idea. I have fought my T on this for two years.

_________________________
Tinman
"I finally have my heart!"

To the perps: Don't worry about me coming after you. But you damn well better watch out for God! "Vengeance is mine", saith the Lord

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#238848 - 07/18/08 09:19 PM Re: Another pill pusher [Re: Tinman]
CDavid Offline


Registered: 07/05/08
Posts: 184
"it IS the hand we're dealt and the issues aren't going to go away with talk therapy..."

Tinman,

I definately hear what you are saying, and I hope that together you can find something that works for you.

While I do not think any "one" therapy or method is necessarily right for everyone though, I would like to repectfully disagree on the issue of whether the issues we deal with can be resolved by talk therapy, without drugs.

My therapist said he would prefer no drugs. Which was cool with me because my system is very sensitive to justabout everything.


:-)


CD


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#238894 - 07/19/08 03:23 AM Re: Another pill pusher [Re: CDavid]
dark empathy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/26/07
Posts: 1938
Loc: durham, north england
funnily enough Tinman, I had exactly the same feelings. I really! didn't want to take drugs, I hated the idea of my mood being altered chemically, and I was quite afraid of being too zonked out to work. Yes, I was progressing with counceling, but that wasn't solving issues and I was stil experiencing the occasional fit of fairly serious cyclic depression which was really annoying! It really was a case of week on, week off, and the off weeks were really not good.

having a father who's a retired psychiatric nurse, when he said "medication" I really did flip a bit, what me? Antidepressants? good grief, i didn't need those!

On the other hand, this suggestion was made after a week of sleeplless nights culminating in a constant 30 hours awake with intermittent tears and a really awful headache. So I came on here and asked (you can probably find my old topics), and people saide it wouldn't be okay.

I've now been taking medication for just over a month, so it's finally working. What it's does hasn't made anything go away or reduced anything, ----- heck, i was triggered last night. But it does make recovering from the down periods much quicker. now, I tend to spend two days down, and about a week and a half okay. After beeing triggered last night, I really shouldn't be great this morning, ----- but I'm actually feeling pretty okay, and that's entirely down to the meds i think.

Obviously, I'm not you, and your situation will be different, ----- especially sinse the main reason for meds in my cas is depression.

but I really hope this helps you considder things, and I'm sorry if it doesn't help.

Whatever you decide to do, good luck.


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#238907 - 07/19/08 09:43 AM Re: Another pill pusher [Re: dark empathy]
hogan_dawg Offline
Guest

Registered: 03/26/08
Posts: 492
Tinman you said "I am not so sure I will take meds. I hate the idea. I have fought my T on this for two years."

Ok so it's a decision:

Take the meds, stop fighting with the therapist
Don't take the meds, continue fighting with the therapist
Don't take the meds, drop whoever insists you take meds, find one that lets you run your own show.
Take the meds, fight with the therapist anyway! \:\) Keep 'im on his toes.

Which is best for you?

The psychiatrist might have mentioned a rationale for taking the drugs. Perhaps referring back to that reason will be helpful? Then you can examine the reason for yourself and decide if it outweighs your feelings about drugs. If it doesn't take options 2 or 3.




Edited by hogan_dawg (07/19/08 10:19 AM)
_________________________
I can say unequivocally that the lie of "To truly heal you must first forgive" has derailed more victims than the abusers themselves.
Andrew Vachs, 2003

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#238909 - 07/19/08 09:51 AM Re: Another pill pusher [Re: hogan_dawg]
BJK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/02/07
Posts: 1526
The need to take anti-depressents shouldn't be looked at as a weakness, I don't think. I had the same issues going in before I finally saw a psychiatrist and started taking Cymbalta. The problem is that, with depression, a person tends to not know exactly how deep he or she is stuck in a hole until he or she starts digging his or her way out and looks back. I had no idea that it wasn't normal to be constantly contemplating suicide. I had no idea that it wasn't normal to think that everyone was out to get me.

I urge you to be open minded, though whatever decision you make is certainly yours. Cymbalta hasn't "zonked me out". To the contrary, it has made me more alert, and it has helped my memory. It has also helped me to sleep better.

Bryan

_________________________
Revenge is nothing more than another way of perpetuating abuse.

What the world needs now
Is some new words of wisdom
Like la la la la la la la la la.
-David Lowery

Having a friend who will keep a secret for you is worthless compared to a friend who won't keep a secret from you.

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#238962 - 07/19/08 02:36 PM Re: Another pill pusher [Re: BJK]
hogan_dawg Offline
Guest

Registered: 03/26/08
Posts: 492
Bryan did it work at first or how long did it take to kick in?

For me, the two drugs I take now were totally different - one drug took about 2 months before it was in my bloodstream and my body adjusted to it by (seemingly) urinating more, and a perceived loss of sponteneity, but the symptoms went away - so, thinking I was healed, I went off the drug and the symptoms came back. I am on the drug for good now. And now I don't feel any less spontaneous, and have no side effects worth mentioning. The second drug hit me immediately, like, within 30 seconds, and I felt my shoulders relax, the tension go out of my neck, just less anxiety. I take it now and the one thing I have to be careful about is gaining weight - it increases appetite big time.

_________________________
I can say unequivocally that the lie of "To truly heal you must first forgive" has derailed more victims than the abusers themselves.
Andrew Vachs, 2003

Top
#239017 - 07/19/08 09:02 PM Re: Another pill pusher [Re: hogan_dawg]
dark empathy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/26/07
Posts: 1938
Loc: durham, north england
Brian, i really identify with the "I didn't know it was happening" last night I went to a concert of a band who I last saw perform this time last year.
Thinking back it was amazing how different I felt now compared to them, though if you'd said at the time I was suffering depression and that this was due to my abuse I'd have totally denied it.
yet thinking now I wonder how I ever thought it was usual to spend 24 hours awake frantically trying to work because i was feling so guilty and anxious, go to a concert, get back and spend another twelve hours writing random stuf just to releave my guilt before completely collapsing.
Even for a Phd student, how could I ever think that normal?
Even my parents have been saying that I seem much better than I have for years.
I know I'l have my down periods, ---- heck, i had one a fortnight ago so i'm probably due for another this week, but at least with the medication they seem easier to get out of.


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#239313 - 07/21/08 10:56 AM Re: Another pill pusher [Re: BJK]
cbfull Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/26/07
Posts: 386
Loc: Ohio
Originally Posted By: BJK
The need to take anti-depressents shouldn't be looked at as a weakness...

Bryan


Well stated Bryan! It's hard for a depressed person to get past this stigma, I dealt with it too. What convinced me was having a friend who has a platelet deficiency, and it's a fairly recent discovery that platelets are responsible for delivering serotonin precursers to the brain. The difference in how he felt and got on with his day was enough for me. Okay so, he has an identifiable and specific cause that needed corrected, but he didn't know that when he started taking the prozac. He is on a very high dose and he doesn't tamper with it or worry about it anymore.

I have recently made the decision to increase my dose of citalopram from 20mg to 40mg. This was about 3 months ago, and I am noticing some very positive differences. The biggest one is that I am not getting lost in obsession nearly as easily.

I do still struggle with anxiety though, and the SSRI is supposed to help with that too. In the meantime, I use clonazepam (least addictive and long acting benzo) to manage my anxiety levels. I have been using it for years and there are times when I thank God for clonazepam. Sometimes I take several a day, sometimes i go a week without any.

Craig

_________________________
Craig

Guilt and shame have never done any of us any good at all.

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#239366 - 07/21/08 03:30 PM Re: Another pill pusher [Re: cbfull]
inthegrass33 Offline
New Here

Registered: 07/31/07
Posts: 107
the first rule is, you do not talk about fight club.


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#239392 - 07/21/08 05:20 PM Re: Another pill pusher [Re: inthegrass33]
dark empathy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/26/07
Posts: 1938
Loc: durham, north england
Craig, i'm taking 20 mg of citalopram a day myself. It doesn't stop the down periods or reduce the triggers, but it does let me come out of things much more easily. Stil, i'm thinking that in october or november I might try coming off it, after I've done some exercise and had a good few months more counceling, which actually really does help.

While I know there's no problem being on it, and I'm quite happy on it, I'd prefer to get to a point where I just don't have random down periods and can actually do something about my self isteme issues.


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#239430 - 07/21/08 07:56 PM Re: Another pill pusher [Re: hogan_dawg]
Tinman Offline


Registered: 05/30/08
Posts: 359
Loc: Lake Forest, CA
Originally Posted By: hogan_dawg
Tinman you said "I am not so sure I will take meds. I hate the idea. I have fought my T on this for two years."

Ok so it's a decision:

Take the meds, stop fighting with the therapist
Don't take the meds, continue fighting with the therapist
Don't take the meds, drop whoever insists you take meds, find one that lets you run your own show.
Take the meds, fight with the therapist anyway! \:\) Keep 'im on his toes.

Which is best for you?

The psychiatrist might have mentioned a rationale for taking the drugs. Perhaps referring back to that reason will be helpful? Then you can examine the reason for yourself and decide if it outweighs your feelings about drugs. If it doesn't take options 2 or 3.


I like this one! \:D

Thanks for all the input from everyone. Made the appointment today. Still not happy about it. Will report back on it, even it is as a zombie!

_________________________
Tinman
"I finally have my heart!"

To the perps: Don't worry about me coming after you. But you damn well better watch out for God! "Vengeance is mine", saith the Lord

Top
#239491 - 07/22/08 08:33 AM Re: Another pill pusher [Re: Tinman]
cbfull Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/26/07
Posts: 386
Loc: Ohio
I am a huge fan of any kind of systematic problem solving (I'm an engineer), I appreciate the way that was spelled out. Good job!

There is one thing I didn't mention (I didn't think of it until just now). I don't want to "fight with this" anymore. When I am not on antidepressants, I can't stand to be in a relationship. I am only happy if I am single. I tried going off one time in a very slow dose taper, and after about 3-4 months I suddenly noticed that I had been thinking a lot about how much happier I was when I was single. I was torn because I loved my partner very much but I was missing something.

I knew then I was going about it wrong. I have also recently noticed that I find myself looking forward to spending more time getting to know and understand my partner. When on 20mg, I was always sort of "mostly in, but keeping a crack in the door just big enough for my foot". Does that make any sense?

My theory is that I wanted the freedom to be able to act out and live my life detached when I am single and not on the SSRI. This of course included a lot of experimentation with various pharmaceutical highs. I am by no means hypersexual but with the help of a tiny amount of deprenyl (l-selegeline) my brain keeps extra dopamine around, and that keeps my motivation and my sex drive alive.

If you want to ask me about deprenyl please do, there are some serious risks at higher dosages, like a dose for someone who has Parkinson's, but it takes less than a tenth of that dosage to counter many of the side effects of the SSRI. Something drug companies probably wouldn't want you to know, and that's another bonus!(Ha-ha)

Craig

_________________________
Craig

Guilt and shame have never done any of us any good at all.

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