.

mark,

the poem is very well stated; i confess i did find some humor in the first few stanzas but then i realized you were not smiling.

you are on my short list these daze..... keep telling yourself 'it's only a movie, it's only a movie',

your brother in recovery,

ron

Mark, I surly understand the "wasn't I here before" , what day is it anyway? thurs, Fri, The 17th, 18th. Whatever, doesn't really matter. All I know is I'm alive (fuck)

My hope Mark is that one day I wake and realize I'm alive and say "cool".

Same journey Mark, same journey.

Love ya
Stay strong
Michael

.

<tick>
read good poem
<tock>
read positive feedback to good poem
<tick>
read your response to positive feedback
<tock>
not sure how I feel anymore about responding positively to the good poem

is it just me, or are you grumpy?

i have to say i concur with blueshift. i felt the same way when i read the response.

i understand you are feeling bad enough already, but what is the point of backhanding someone who is simply trying to share compassionate understanding and support?

Mogigo (Michael),

Friend, you have my deepest apologies. I thought I was sharing my thoughts with a friend the way I always have. I had no idea that suddenly I had become a monster and started backhanding you.

There is no excuse for such behavior - and unfortunately *I'm sorry* are the only words we have in the language - and they are very inadequate to convey my heart's pain at hurting you.

It is clear my biggest mistake here was sharing my feelings in the first place. I am truly very sorry guys. I never realized what affect this would have.

mark, no one said mike was hurt, only he could verify that. it was not my intention to speak on mike's behalf. he may have totally 'got' your true intent, based on your prior relationship. speaking only for myself, not being privvy to the dynamics therein, interpreted the response as one that seemed to imply less mutual confidence between mike and yourself than you report here. i have to take your word that i am mistaken.

'if you believe that, buddy, we are definitely not on the same journey' sorry i don't get the friend connection in that response. it seemed hurtful, and that is why i reported my reaction.

i am not sure where the 'monster' implication comes in, and again i can only surmise it to be self-speak arising from the pain and suffering you are currently experiencing. i have to admit that this type of backlash does not feel good and seems incongruous in a place where people meet to find healing. that's just me. i may be totally off mark so to speak.

being a democratic website, we are all entitled to post whatever we see fit. but i have to say that i did not find the twinge of sarcasm in your response helpful in building a bridge over the troubled waters. perhaps it is a bit cheeky of me to state my thoughts, and my saying that in no manner means that my interpretation nets an accurate conclusion. i am here to make neither friends nor enemies. but by virtue of the fact that we as members have paid for the privilege of admission to such an arena we do share responsibility to at least be honest with each other in a respectful manner as possible, and that is all i am trying to do as a person responding to what was written in this thread.

i am sorry that you are suffering so much these days and i pray that things become lighter for you soon.

as hard as it may be to believe, that's what i believed i was doing with Michael, an honest response in as respectful a manner as possible, filtered through the truth of our friendship.

but what i see now is that i have mis-stepped grossly, for which, once again, i apologize. i can't do more than that. i pray it's enough this time to end this.

Mark, I may feel like after our relationship here on MS this is a little presumptious of me to say, but what I do feel/know is that no removal's of posts need to be made. You most certainly are a member I probably wouldn't have much to do with after our start, maybe the Dan thing or maybe not. Does it really matter at this point? I feel like maybe I've got a little insight, again, maybe so, maybe not, but you're replies have no need for clarification and especially not a sorry.

I get it my friend, (ooooh, sure expecting another rebuttal to that statement) but isn't that pretty cool that I expect a rebuttal. It is what it is Mark. And yet still here I am and yet again I'm still replying.

This is the hard reply Mark, Maybe they have a point.

Shit Mark, am I really still a threat?

Fight the good fight Mark, my Bro. I just think maybe were past that.

What am I gonna do anyway? give you a hug. What an asshole.

Oh, by the way, I wasn't hurt, sad "yes" but hurt "no"

anyway Mark, waiting on you Brother.

If not "me" then "who"

Guess what Mark, as you squirm and fight, I'm still gonna say "how bout a hug Mark" That is the choice I'm gonna put to you. And if the squirming win's, then maybe next time.

Love ya
respect the deletion's, but you don't ever have to.
Mike (Michael )

ok - i now officially admit defeat.
if being honest and doing my best to be a friend still makes you sad, then I don't know what to do.
but anything beyond this would be better fit for PM. I see no reason to continue the discussion publicly.
this thread has already lost its lustre

it's still a damned good poem tho

no - it was never that
it cost me far too much to have EVER been "good"
it was almost as tarnished, ugly, and worthless as the person that penned it

At the risk of treading on your wish to end this thread, I do want to say that I think you are being overly hard on yourself. Grumpy, maybe...tarnished ugly and worthless, definitely not! We all have our days when we say things we regret.

I may point something out now and then, but I also remind myself of the excruciating pain people here are too often going through, and even where I am sometimes quick to dish out criticism, I am also quick to forgive.

I may have started the thread, but it is not "mine". I am glad that you stepped forward and spoke what you wanted to say. This site would mean a lot less to me if people weren't honest.

I also appreciate your comment about me being "overly hard on myself". I would have to admit it is something that has come up during my T sessions. I'm also old - so I suppose "grumpy" would fit in.

The rest isn't worth an argument, and you and I will never see eye to eye on that one - but again, I appreciate the sentiment.

m