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#23862 - 02/28/02 03:12 AM sigh
Christian Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 06/21/01
Posts: 26
Loc: Marion IN
I am having some problems in my life. I don't really have anyone to talk to around here. Again I am a college kid, 22 to be exact. This has been one of the most hectic times for me. First thing I go to a Christian college and everyone here is Gap perfect. (looks good on the outside, but is fack about everything) I was molested as a kid and there are few people out here who are brave enough to break the GAP imiage and admit they are perfect. So I struggle to find friends that I can be true to, be myself around. I have found people here that are cool to be around, and they are awesome to be around, but I fear being me. I found a few close friends that I can be genuine to, but something happened. One of my closest friends got in some bad stuff and I turned him because he was only sinking lower. SO that was not pretty. Now I am suffering I have no one that I trust. there are many that are trust worthy, but its me. I find it so hard to trust people being me.

Then I find out today about my therapist being switched. I was working with our grad program, they get senor master grad stdents to do therapy with clients. I found out tosday that the social work department wants to change me from grad counselling to professional therapist. Now I have to get ust to another person just friestrating.
Again thank you for just letting me rant.
With God's love

_________________________
This above all: to thine own self be true,And it must follow, as the night the day,Thou canst not then be false to any man.

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#23863 - 02/28/02 09:56 AM Re: sigh
Ken Followell Offline
President
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 12/30/01
Posts: 990
Loc: Bradenton, FL
Christian,

Don't let the appearances keep you away from those around you. I also attended a Christian college and I understand the feelings you have about your fellow students.

It has been about 20 years since I graduated and I have learned a couple things about those people I thought were the perfect fronts. One, that they wanted authenticity as much as I did and were just as afraid of it. Second, that trusting even with the possible pain is worth the risk.

With what I know now, if I were in your place, I would try harder to get to know more people at the school. I do regret that now.

Just a few thoughts from someone who has been there.

Ken

_________________________
Ken Followell

Everything works out right in the end. If things are not working right, it isn't the end yet. Don't let it bother you, relax and keep on goin
- Michael C. Muhammad

"I get up. I walk. I fall down. Meanwhile, I keep dancing."
� Rabbi Hillel

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#23864 - 03/01/02 03:13 AM Re: sigh
abcd Offline
Member

Registered: 10/20/00
Posts: 189
Loc: GA
I'm exhausted and it's late...so I don't konw if this'll make sense...but I'll try. Well, "Christian"...As a young Christian myself just a year older than you, I can empathize with how tough it is to have to go through this stuff. Though the reason why I have not posted in a while is because usually things are going well, lately things have been confusing for me too. More and more the issue of trust is also becoming crucial to me. It hurts not to be able to tell anyone or to have to worry about the ramifications of telling someone, but I know that I will eventually have to do it to truly move on with my life. Don't get too discouraged though and don't feel that you HAVE to open all these things up here and now. Make a timeline/deadline for yourself perhaps (if you're friends are "TRUE" Christians, they will not judge you). Still, don't be so harsh on yourself and RUSH this if you truly and honestly feel you're not ready. It's not easy, trust me I know (only one Christian friend knows...actually that one person is still more or less the only true friend that knows about it--and it had drawn us closer not farther apart). Anyway...my point here tonight is really to say that sometimes, you have to take yourself out of this "abuse" mode and focus on the other things in your life. Try to "straighten" them out (say work on your career stuff or say doing something you've always wanted to be better at). The reason why I'm saying this is that I know that in college, it is so easy to get consumed by thinking and thinking all the time about the abuse. Sometimes, you have to put it away for a little bit, and just try to live that life that you've always wanted to have by working on the things you KNOW you have to work on anyway (in my case it was stuff with careers, keeping fit, and working with relationships). Don't get too discouraged no matter what happens. Hey, you've gone this far! Rest assured, that God will help pick the pieces of your life up if you let Him \:\)

[ March 01, 2002: Message edited by: abcd ]


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#23865 - 03/16/02 11:12 PM Re: sigh
inferiornevada Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 03/08/02
Posts: 12
Loc: lyme connecticut & nyc
i think i cann relate, or at least was able to when i was in colleg. im 22 years old as well. i left my school 2 years ago when i suffered a psychotic nervous breakdown. now i've been in 2 emotional treatment facilities for the past year. i too was sexually abused when a child, and now im starting to aknowledge the long term repercussion of those incidents. theyve become so blatently obvious. in fat theyve always been a part of my personality for as long as i can remember. however for so long i have been familiar with my asocial,asexual, introvert character that i have such difficulty identifying my true self. i believe that i can only see parts of my persona, for ive become to be an embodiment of multiple perspectives and opinions all coinciding, conflicting, and relating. making good friends has been difficult as well, tho i too have a close circle of friends whom over the years seemed to gravitate to me while i reciprocated to them at the same time. theyre the ones i value the most and its from them that i a able to get feedback and learn about myself and who i am. other people in general, i try not to exclude from my life, but when i identify a quality in certain individuals that may be detrimental to my own well being, i must set boundries between them and myself for the sake of my own self preservation.


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#23866 - 03/25/02 01:02 PM Re: sigh
fenics Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 03/25/02
Posts: 25
Loc: Midlands UK
I would just like to suggest that we be careful when discussing sexual abuse in the context of christian families and communities. To use christian terms, sin is not absent from the lives of christians and it must be recognised for what it is. But equally we must be aware that christian families and communities (and those of other faiths) can be and are exploited by both cynical and self-deluded people. I would prefer to see the issues kept separate. For many years after my abuse finished I held onto my christian faith and when I gave it up I do not think that it was related to the abuse.

Whatever happens to you in the future you will find it easier with good friends who trust you and whom you trust. For most people it is easiest to make these friends when you are young but this is because there is time to develop the friendships before 'big issues' arise which need to be talked through. I guess that there can be no rules because just as every person is different so every relationship is different. Some thrive on early and complete trust and disclosure and others need years of trivial discussions and time spent doing nothing much in order to lay a solid foundation. To paraphrase shakespear (and this really should be put in the next edition of the bible!) - be true to yourself.


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