it would be so easy right now to just give up ,to just say fuck this it hurts too much ,to say i'll never understand any of it or myself to just lay down and let it take me,but i found this place and all of you,now the easy way out aint an option anymore ,so i got to keep fighting ,damn it why did you guys have to care!

We care, you care, but hey, we know it aint impossible, nothing is in my book.

You can fall down the biggest shithole of life, and get back up and be a little stronger.

Always remember, You are Worth it,

ste

You're right, the easy way out isn't an option.
I care because I've been there and I am there and it sucks to be alone with the hurt.

And who ever told you that you had to "understand" it anyway?

And do me a favor, if you ever get to the point where you understand who you are? Please, let me in on it!

Hey Adam. We didn't have to care. It was in us to care for you as a fellow survivor and then as we got to know you we cared because of the person we got to know and appreciate. Bottom line is you are worth caring for and you can't change that.

Dale

I second Dale's comment totally!

MARKGREYBLUE!

Adam,

To repeat Dale, the first thing to be said is that YOU, Adam, are worth caring about. We all are, but each of us has at some time called that fact into question and needed support to fight off that feeling that we are just lost, doomed fucked-up freaks.

But there are other reasons too. Do you remember when you first came here and felt so lost and everything seemed hopeless? We have all been there to one degree or another, and each of us has found others here who for various moments and sometimes hours and hours set down other things - their own issues and lives - to help us when we were in need. Once you have received that gift and appreciate its importance, you know the only way you can repay it is to "pay it forward", to do for others what earlier guys did for us.

Doing this is also fulfilling and empowering for us, I think. We are fighting back, not just for ourselves, but for the cause of survivors in general. As more voices are heard, it becomes more difficult to ignore them. Much remains to be done, but over the last 15 years there have been enormous advances in the situation of survivors and official and public awareness of CSA. So much of that comes down to the efforts of survivors themselves.

And there is also a "what's in it for me" angle. After all, for all of us here our first priority should be our own recovery. We may want to help others too, but it's important to bear in mind that we can't rescue each other: each guy has to make his own decisions, do his own work and seek his own local support. No one can be dragged or cajoled into a recovery he doesn't believe in or trust. That said, as we reach out to each other we ARE empowered in important ways. We break the silence again and again, we reject guilt and blame, and we learn more about our own issues and how to address them.

One final point. A caring dialogue is always a two-way adventure, Adam, and I wonder if you realize how many guys YOU have helped in the time since you arrived here!

Much love,
Larry

when i was locked in the closet during my abuse ,i thought if i could just get away everything would be allright.it would be over.i got away but its not over ,is it ever over? i guess when we are kids its hard to see past tomorrow.i dids what they told me ,i put him away,but i cant put away what he did to me.they told me if i talked everything would be ok .they lied. thanks to you all for being here i know if you werent i wouldnt be here either

Adam,

I think it's difficult for police and legal authorities to understand what a survivor is going through and how perilous it is to assure him that "If you do X everything will be okay."

Is it ever over? We have been terribly and disastrously wounded, Adam, and that is the simple truth of it. We don't get to forget or go back to the way things were before; the years have gone by and the past cannot be changed. If we focus on the past we will spin our wheels forever and get nowhere.

What we CAN do, and do very effectively, is work on how those terrible events affect the way we think NOW. As we examine how we feel and cast off all the false lessons that abusers tried to teach us, we will realize that our worth and importance is not touched by what they did to us. We can still regain our lives and live in joy and fulfillment, as we were meant to do.

It just takes time, Adam. Hang in there; you are doing just fine.

Much love,
Larry

Adam,

when I first came here, it was murder, everything was just coming out, as I identified with all the shit that was in my head.

You are at that same point, where you think there is no tomorrow.
The only strength I know, is from the guys I me in here, and that is priceless.

Think of it as a baby trying so hard to walk, it takes ages, but eventually he does it.

I hope you see things clearer soon, but never give up, and reach out if you need to,

ste