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#238336 - 07/15/08 03:10 PM Page 103 of the Wolf Trail
AndyJB2005 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/14/06
Posts: 1245
Loc: Saint Paul, Minnesota
I was reading through my old Cub Scout books that I've had since I was a kid today, and there was a scenario in one of the Wolf Trail chapters that is meant to teach kids about what to do in "stranger" situations:

"What would you do if you were in a public restroom and someone tried to touch you?"

it then says:

"I would ______________"

My den leader wrote "scream."

Under that it says:

When you are afraid, remember:

IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT if someone tries to hurt you.

IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT if someone tries to make you feel bad.

IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT if someone tries to scare you and mix you up.

You can:

* Get away

* Say "NO"

* Yell "HELP" -- (and my den leader wrote to the side "Jordan says scream.") [Jordan is my middle name by which I went by back then]

* Tell someone

Signed by Den Leader: 2-14-1989 (I was 8 years old)


I find it funny/tragic that I knew what to do if a stranger tried to molest me, but probably a week later (or something) went to my dad's and he was hurting me more than the man in the bathroom ever could have. I don't know why but I didn't put the two together, I guess. It had been going on years before this was written, but I didn't for some reason think of dad in this scenario.

Or maybe I just said what was expected of me. But I know that I never knew I was being abused, at least not consciously.

Maybe kids shouldn't do these exercises...I don't know what I'm trying to show here ... maybe kids shouldn't be given unrealistic situations...or be talked down to to preserve the comfort level...I don't know...

If someone had said "...even your parents" maybe I would've told...

The sad thing is I never tried to get away, I never said no, I never yelled for help or screamed, and never told someone. Because, oh, it wasn't a stranger. It wasn't the creepy guy on the block. It wasn't some guy in a van. It was dad...and I loved him. \:\(

It was maybe a year and a half later that I would hyperventilate while the same Cub Scout group was talking about what to do in a hypothermia emergency...."get in the sleeping bag naked with the person to preserve warmth."

Den Leader thought I was acting up and I got sent home. I was a really good kid, so no one wondered why I "acted up?"

There's some kind of lesson in here, but I don't know what it is...my thoughts on this are more together-sounding in my head...I wish I could articulate it more here...hm.

It's just sad...I was such smart kid, but just had to stuff it so deep that I was presented with the situation and still did not know....

I remember in 5th grade (I think) getting upset about something and I was at a friends house and there was this highway behind...I remember standing in the ditch by this road all by myself thinking I should walk into traffic because I hate life...

5th graders shouldn't be considering suicide!

Ugh...I'm crying for little me today. \:\(

_________________________
Life's disappointments are harder to take when you don't know any swear words. -- Calvin (Calvin and Hobbes)

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#238339 - 07/15/08 03:31 PM Re: Page 103 of the Wolf Trail [Re: AndyJB2005]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6602
Loc: FEMA Region 1
Yeah Andy. The little manuals, pamphlets and videos usually address these old-school, typical CSA offenses. You wondered "how about the Dad-thing" that's happening to me. I use to think "gee, I guess its not "stranger-stuff" when its older boys...I guess I'm just the freak they say I am."

Additionally, in the 1970s all the social programs for neglected and abused kids were focused entirely on inner-city kids. Suburban kids like me did not need such help.

I don't know...will ANYONE or ANYTHNING properly equip and help kids?

_________________________
I'm "that guy."

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#238340 - 07/15/08 03:35 PM Re: Page 103 of the Wolf Trail [Re: AndyJB2005]
BJK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/02/07
Posts: 1526
I hear you, Andy. I've dwelled on this a lot in the past. There was always an emphasis on "don't talk to strangers". There was always an emphasis on "red light touch" and "green light touch". It was never mentioned that that touching just mght come from a very close family member.

I distinctly remember thinking, "I bet those kids who are being touched by strangers have moms who are really jealous."

Bryan

_________________________
Revenge is nothing more than another way of perpetuating abuse.

What the world needs now
Is some new words of wisdom
Like la la la la la la la la la.
-David Lowery

Having a friend who will keep a secret for you is worthless compared to a friend who won't keep a secret from you.

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#238341 - 07/15/08 03:39 PM Re: Page 103 of the Wolf Trail [Re: Still]
BJK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/02/07
Posts: 1526
Originally Posted By: Robbie Brown

I don't know...will ANYONE or ANYTHNING properly equip and help kids?


We've come a long ways even in the last five years, Rob. I'm convinced we can get just as far over the next five years.

I also think that people are getting better at spotting the symptoms of abuse. In groups of kids I come across, I can't help but think what the home lives of a few of them are like.

Bryan

_________________________
Revenge is nothing more than another way of perpetuating abuse.

What the world needs now
Is some new words of wisdom
Like la la la la la la la la la.
-David Lowery

Having a friend who will keep a secret for you is worthless compared to a friend who won't keep a secret from you.

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#238342 - 07/15/08 03:43 PM Re: Page 103 of the Wolf Trail [Re: BJK]
AndyJB2005 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/14/06
Posts: 1245
Loc: Saint Paul, Minnesota
Is it weird that I never thought of what was happening as abuse? Which is probably why I could give answers to that scenario and still not register what was really happening. I hear guys saying they felt so dirty, and whatnot, while it was happening -- but I never felt that way -- at least that I remember. I guess I was so innocent and little when it started that by the time I was old enough to even register it in my brain, I was brainwashed.

I just remember being there, and then later I got a toy...or a cassette tape...or something...

Maybe I'm blacking out on some things...that I can't face yet..? I don't know...

I just don't know....I'm really thinking today...ugh...

_________________________
Life's disappointments are harder to take when you don't know any swear words. -- Calvin (Calvin and Hobbes)

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#238345 - 07/15/08 04:08 PM Re: Page 103 of the Wolf Trail [Re: AndyJB2005]
BJK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/02/07
Posts: 1526
It's good to think:)

I remember thinking that parents were supposed to show their sons love in that way. I didn't even begin to comprehend the possibility that it might be abuse until I started to look at how fucked up my life was.

Bryan

_________________________
Revenge is nothing more than another way of perpetuating abuse.

What the world needs now
Is some new words of wisdom
Like la la la la la la la la la.
-David Lowery

Having a friend who will keep a secret for you is worthless compared to a friend who won't keep a secret from you.

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#238519 - 07/16/08 01:16 PM Re: Page 103 of the Wolf Trail [Re: BJK]
TJ jeff Offline

Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/07/04
Posts: 3389
Loc: Northern Wisconsin
Quote:
Is it weird that I never thought of what was happening as abuse?


NOT weird to me Andy - not at all!!!

when the bad things where happening to me as a child - I never even knew to call it "abuse" - I just knew I did'nt like it...

we where young Andy - we did'nt have the minds that we now have today as adults - we had no understanding of what abuse was

Please be easy on the young "you" that you where back then...

_________________________
Who will cry for the little boy? - I will... - Antwone Fisher

Abuse happens in silence/isolation - Recovery happens only when that silence/isolation is broken...

TJ's History

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