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#237669 - 07/12/08 01:02 PM Mother of 4 yr old survivor
didi Offline


Registered: 07/12/08
Posts: 165
Loc: USA
My son and nephew were sexually assaulted by my sister's neighbor, the mother and the children over there. (both boys are 4) They are currently in therapy, however, I was wondering if they have any kind of group therapy for that age. My heart is bleeding for these boy, they are sad and still scared. My sister and I LOVE our children so much and we have bought every age approp. book, cd and movie. We do not know what else to do. It takes my breath away, would anyone be able to suggest anything? It is so involved, the cops dropped the ball with the case, lost the DNA and it is all a mess and the children are scared!

_________________________
Raising children who have been loaned to us for a brief moment outranks every other responsibility!

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#237748 - 07/12/08 08:48 PM Re: Mother of 4 yr old survivor [Re: didi]
indygal Offline
Member

Registered: 06/22/06
Posts: 439
just because the cops dropped the ball - don't let it go away - !! too many survivors on this site bear witness to the pain and trauma of csa. meet with your D.A. and push for justice!

as for your son, my heart goes out to you as I'm also a mother - I can't imagine the pain you are going through, much less your son. Personally I would recommend family therapy also so you can work on this together. I'm sure there will be others more knowledgable than I to comment on this but for now, just be aware you aren't alone and people will respond.

Indy

_________________________
my avatar is one of the Battle Angel characters, fighting the good fight.

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#237768 - 07/12/08 10:50 PM Re: Mother of 4 yr old survivor [Re: indygal]
Tinman Offline


Registered: 05/30/08
Posts: 359
Loc: Lake Forest, CA
Didi, this breaks my heart becuase I was the same age as your son and nephew when it happened.

Could I suggest calling your local paper human interest section? They could keep you anonymous while putting heat on the authorities.

And as for therapy at that age? I don't think there are groups, but I would recommend trying to find a therapist (try your local rape crisis line for help) that deal with children at this age.

DNA is not the only way to put this pervert away. But I hesitate suggesting that a traumatized four year old having to testify.

What kind of incompetents are in your PD? Lost the DNA? Christ!

_________________________
Tinman
"I finally have my heart!"

To the perps: Don't worry about me coming after you. But you damn well better watch out for God! "Vengeance is mine", saith the Lord

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#237771 - 07/12/08 10:57 PM Re: Mother of 4 yr old survivor [Re: Tinman]
Nyjah Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/14/07
Posts: 610
I saw something on t.v about a little boy who had been abused and they had something like a group therapy that he and his older brother had gone to. His older brother hadn't been abused but went as a comfort to the younger one.

I'm really sorry that your son and nephew got hurt.


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#237824 - 07/13/08 08:59 AM Re: Mother of 4 yr old survivor [Re: Nyjah]
didi Offline


Registered: 07/12/08
Posts: 165
Loc: USA
Thank all of you so much for your responses. I have sat in with @ 50% of the sessions and last week my son was acting out while I was in the room. I let him know that he would not get rid of the "yucky feeling" in his tummy unless he told EVERYTHING, so that he could start feeling better. I asked if he wanted me to leave the room and he wanted me to. I think that he is really embarrassed and no matter how many times we tell him, he does feel guilt and shame. (zones out a lot also) Tried to explain that they are tricky people that tricked him into doing things and that they are bad and not him. This is too much to bare at times, my baby is so hurt.

_________________________
Raising children who have been loaned to us for a brief moment outranks every other responsibility!

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#237825 - 07/13/08 09:07 AM Re: Mother of 4 yr old survivor [Re: didi]
didi Offline


Registered: 07/12/08
Posts: 165
Loc: USA
Also, I have written letters to the Govenor of NJ, The US Justice Dept and just sent a letter to a lawyer in hopes that he will take a Pro-Bono case. Unfortunately, I missed a month of work and cancelled my health insurance to pay for the therapy,books and stuff. My son WILL NOT testify, I would not do that to him. I am praying that someone will here me and that they will get enough info from the therapist to get over to that house.The walls could probably talk in there! (the children that are over there are still being abused!) They are Indian decent and probably think that it is normal(religious thing) Thank all of you again...

_________________________
Raising children who have been loaned to us for a brief moment outranks every other responsibility!

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#237855 - 07/13/08 01:17 PM Re: Mother of 4 yr old survivor [Re: didi]
BJK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/02/07
Posts: 1526
Didi,

I think a good person/department to go to would be your local human services department. You could even make an anonymous call from a payphone. If there are children who are still being abused, you may want to give that a thought.

Another idea would be to pm one of the moderators here to see if they have any advice as far as local venues to pursue to get those kids out of that aweful situation. Please, take these thoughts into consideration.

As far as your son goes, I know both of you are in a lot of hurt right now, but please don't try to push him too much. Shame is such a powerful emotion. It's more powerful than fear or anger. However, it sounds like you're doing everything right so far. Please know that my heart goes out to both of you.

I have a four-year old niece who I love with all of my heart. Since I have no kids of my own, she, along with her siblings, has been an instrumental part of my recovery. I can't bear to think about something like this happening to her. In fact, such thoughs are why I decided it was time to come to terms with my own demons.

Take care,

Bryan

_________________________
Revenge is nothing more than another way of perpetuating abuse.

What the world needs now
Is some new words of wisdom
Like la la la la la la la la la.
-David Lowery

Having a friend who will keep a secret for you is worthless compared to a friend who won't keep a secret from you.

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#238051 - 07/14/08 08:24 AM Re: Mother of 4 yr old survivor [Re: BJK]
didi Offline


Registered: 07/12/08
Posts: 165
Loc: USA
Yes, I was considering calling about those children. The problem is, they appear to be a very well adjusted house - hold. Those children will not go against what the parents or other relatives are telling them. Well, if I keep screaming loud enough, some one has to here me..... My Mom and Dad are taking the family on a vacation, hopefuly that will bring some joy. Take care, I will be back on in a week. Didi

_________________________
Raising children who have been loaned to us for a brief moment outranks every other responsibility!

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#238062 - 07/14/08 09:21 AM Re: Mother of 4 yr old survivor [Re: didi]
BJK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/02/07
Posts: 1526
have fun, Didi.

Bryan

_________________________
Revenge is nothing more than another way of perpetuating abuse.

What the world needs now
Is some new words of wisdom
Like la la la la la la la la la.
-David Lowery

Having a friend who will keep a secret for you is worthless compared to a friend who won't keep a secret from you.

Top
#239880 - 07/23/08 08:40 PM Re: Mother of 4 yr old survivor [Re: BJK]
didi Offline


Registered: 07/12/08
Posts: 165
Loc: USA
Well, we are back from vacation. I have a question. The kids have A LOT of anger in them. I tried to explain that they have every right to be angry about what happened to them, however, it is not acceptable to take it out on all of us(mom, cousins, grandparents...) They lose control often and throw things, hit, squeeze and throw tantrums, all as a result of what happened. Does anyone have any suggestions on the correct way to deal with this? I know that they are hurting and probably are having trigger issues and do not know how to deal with them. Any helpful ideas would be greatly appreciated. Thank You, Didi

_________________________
Raising children who have been loaned to us for a brief moment outranks every other responsibility!

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