Welcome...although it's sad we have to connect "here".
I've been where you are many times over the past 30 years. My SO is close, really, to no one. I would say that I'm as close as anyone can get, but he's still a "distance" away.
He "shows" me he loves me, with little things most people, in "normal" relationships, would NEVER notice. The difference is, for 30 years, this has never been, a "normal" relationship.
Nor conventional. I'm okay with just about everything. (And, let me say, EVERYTHING, would involve another post.
I've come to the inevitable conclusion, that I'm losing him to "this", the effects... The abuser(s) are winning, and I can't do a damn thing if he won't put his hand out and take mine. ( Mine hand has been extended in his direction all along)
For what it's worth, there have been many a time I've felt as though I were losing the strength to continue on with/in this. (You can pretty much verify that with anyone here