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#236540 - 07/07/08 02:19 PM .
Mitts Offline


Registered: 07/07/08
Posts: 13
Loc: Midwest USA
.

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#236554 - 07/07/08 03:49 PM Re: Family Gatherings [Re: Mitts]
Junefriday Offline


Registered: 06/05/08
Posts: 113
Loc: Canada
Mitts, does your H want to be at family gatherings?

_________________________
"Love comes to those who still hope even though they've been disappointed, to those who still believe even though they've been betrayed, to those who still love even though they've been hurt before.

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#236557 - 07/07/08 03:57 PM Re: Family Gatherings [Re: Junefriday]
Mitts Offline


Registered: 07/07/08
Posts: 13
Loc: Midwest USA
.

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#236558 - 07/07/08 03:59 PM Re: Family Gatherings [Re: Mitts]
NY Daisy Offline
New Here

Registered: 02/29/08
Posts: 183
Dear Mitts, My Husband was abused by his older brother also. I was the first person to know. It was really hard to keep my mouth shut. We had small kids at the time, and I was like a crazy person, everytime my daughter was near him I would rush over and grab her. If he called her over, I called her away. He would ask to hold my son, I said no. My husband was pissed at me for that, and I think his brother kinda got the hint that I KNEW. His sisters asked what was up with that,and I told them I did not like him( which was true,long before I knew,I thought he ws a nasty arrogant condesending,well you get the point)and they were my kids.
After he told everyone else, they were not really supportive of my H,after all he was their brother,my H wanted to continue to try to work it out, any way at one family gathering, this jerk walks into the kitchen with his smug superior attitude, walks up to my baby(being held by a brother-in-law) and goes to take him.(No one else had a problem with him handling their babies, they didn't think he was a threat) I Screamed, "GET YOUR HANDS OFF MY BABY YOU SICK SON OF A BITCH" talk about silencing a room. He told me I needed to shut my mouth, I proceeded to tell him to go to hell,and other things. Needless to say, no one was on my side, so I packed my kids and left.

We have not seen his family in 13 years. We had to do what's best for our kids, and I no longer trusted any of them. Sorry I didn't really give you any advice, NY DAISY


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#236571 - 07/07/08 04:54 PM Re: Family Gatherings [Re: NY Daisy]
Junefriday Offline


Registered: 06/05/08
Posts: 113
Loc: Canada
Mitts, luckily my H's perp was a neighbourhood older boy who is no longer in the picture at all. But, my H's family is all male and doesn't talk about emotions at all. At least there is no worry about our kids, etc.

My advice would be to talk to your H about what he wants and how you can best support him. Be clear that you find it difficult to be around his brother and that you worry about your children (if you have any). It is important that your H understands that you support HIM though, even if it means that you need to walk away from his family.

_________________________
"Love comes to those who still hope even though they've been disappointed, to those who still believe even though they've been betrayed, to those who still love even though they've been hurt before.

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#236572 - 07/07/08 04:55 PM . [Re: NY Daisy]
Mitts Offline


Registered: 07/07/08
Posts: 13
Loc: Midwest USA
.

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#236573 - 07/07/08 04:58 PM . [Re: Mitts]
Mitts Offline


Registered: 07/07/08
Posts: 13
Loc: Midwest USA
.

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#237709 - 07/12/08 06:03 PM Re: Family Gatherings [Re: Mitts]
dangal Offline
New Here

Registered: 02/09/08
Posts: 222
Loc: seattle area
My husband's abuser was a family friend. He was in all the family stuff for years. He was at my FIL's funeral. I didn't have the confirmation that my husband had been abused at that time but I had my suspicions and the abuser had done some pretty awful things to me when I started dating my husband to get me to go away. I hated him before I knew for sure, but he cornered hubby and started chatting with him just to be able to do it. He told me I didn't need to act like he didn't exsist "missy"...it took all I had to not lose it on him.

We've decided now that we may need to get a restraining order placed so we can attend those type of things without him being able to show. My husband and I do not even visit his brothers grave because the jerk visits it....he abused his brother as well. Why should we be kept away, he's the one who should be locked up forever but never will be.

I agree, I wouldn't have my kids around anyone who had done that to a person. I guess you need to see how your husband really feels and go from there. It's hard not to let lose on someone who's done something so horrible to someone you love, yet it's not our battle to fight. Hard to balance it all.

Good luck, keep us posted

_________________________
~Jen~
Life is to short to blend in

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