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#241638 - 07/31/08 11:43 PM Re: Mother of 4 yr old survivor [Re: didi]
didi Offline


Registered: 07/12/08
Posts: 165
Loc: USA
I have a question. Sometimes my son will talk about certain things that have happened, however, more and more he covers his ears and starts freaking that he does not want to talk about it. Does this mean that he is angry,shamed, upset or does it mean that he is recovering and does not want to talk? He will tell me something and then deny it. I do not know what to think. My nephew is in a different place. He tells all, does not get as angry, kind of disassociates. Every day is a struggle and I feel like I am sinking today. I want to crawl into a ball and cry, but I have to be the strong one. I am very confused, I would really appreciate some input. Thanks, Didi

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Raising children who have been loaned to us for a brief moment outranks every other responsibility!

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#241641 - 07/31/08 11:50 PM Re: Mother of 4 yr old survivor [Re: didi]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6875
Loc: USA
Originally Posted By: didi
he covers his ears and starts freaking that he does not want to talk about it. Does this mean that he is angry,shamed, upset or does it mean that he is recovering and does not want to talk? He will tell me something and then deny it.


He has strongly contrasting feelings more than he can bear. He feels afraid and devastated. He feels badly hurt and that he wants help but he also feels very afraid and like he can't handle what's happened. He may have been threatened. He is reaching out for help but is scared to death of what has happened and the consequences of what has happened.

I recommend you try to find someone for him to talk to. But it has to be someone pretty good. Who do you trust? Priest, doctor, grand parent? family friend?

Puffer


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#241643 - 07/31/08 11:56 PM Re: Mother of 4 yr old survivor [Re: didi]
didi Offline


Registered: 07/12/08
Posts: 165
Loc: USA
Another thing, my son would not eat today. I tried to ask him what he felt today, and he just said tired. I know that he slept well, I know that he is in pain and his T is on vacation for 2 weeks.... Ughhhhh! Trigger? Dont know. Tried to explain that one to him, really hard for such a young soul.I gave him a rubber band to put around his wrist and told him that if he had any bad feelings or memories to snap the rubber band to bring him back and let him know that he could feel and that I LOVE him and that he is safe and Ok.It is times like this when I want to really lose my normaly logical mind and torture the neighbor.....Didi

_________________________
Raising children who have been loaned to us for a brief moment outranks every other responsibility!

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#241645 - 07/31/08 11:59 PM Re: Mother of 4 yr old survivor [Re: pufferfish]
didi Offline


Registered: 07/12/08
Posts: 165
Loc: USA
Hello Puffer! He is currently seeing a Therapist that he really likes and trusts, but she is on vacation and that is when this started, I do not know what to do!Didi P.S. He was threatened by the perps... he was told that I would be killed and they made him feel guilt for what they tricked him into doing!



Edited by didi (08/01/08 12:01 AM)
_________________________
Raising children who have been loaned to us for a brief moment outranks every other responsibility!

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#241687 - 08/01/08 07:43 AM Re: Mother of 4 yr old survivor [Re: didi]
BJK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/02/07
Posts: 1526
When I was four years old, I had the ultimate belief in adult authority. I thought all adults had the utmost in power over me, and would immediately know if I had done something to betray them.

It sounds like your son is terrified. There is also very likely an element of shame involved as well. He is probably holding back those feelings because they are uncomfortable.

Give your son a hug for me today, okay?

Bryan

_________________________
Revenge is nothing more than another way of perpetuating abuse.

What the world needs now
Is some new words of wisdom
Like la la la la la la la la la.
-David Lowery

Having a friend who will keep a secret for you is worthless compared to a friend who won't keep a secret from you.

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#241688 - 08/01/08 07:57 AM Re: Mother of 4 yr old survivor [Re: BJK]
Nyjah Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/14/07
Posts: 610
I agree with what BJK said...he's also extremely young with very little "real world experience". I remember when I was his age I was still trying to figure out how to write my name properly and dress myself.


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#241716 - 08/01/08 10:17 AM Re: Mother of 4 yr old survivor [Re: Nyjah]
Trish4850 Offline
BoD Liaison Emeritus
MaleSurvivor<

Registered: 10/15/05
Posts: 3280
Loc: New Jersey
Quote:
When I was four years old, I had the ultimate belief in adult authority. I thought all adults had the utmost in power over me, and would immediately know if I had done something to betray them.


Wow, that is a powerful statement and oh so true. This little 2 foot tall person had no choice but to believe that and it is true. The fear he now has of all of us "big" people must be beyond anything he is capable of expressing.

The struggle for your little guy will be long; convincing him that all "big" people aren't a threat is something that you and his T are doing. It'll start with you and work it's way out. I love the things you're doing to help him release the bad feelings. I wish I had the absolute answers Didi, but I do believe that the things you are doing are on the money!

ROCK ON........Trish

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If you fall down 10 times, Stand up 11.

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#241897 - 08/02/08 03:04 AM Re: Mother of 4 yr old survivor [Re: Trish4850]
didi Offline


Registered: 07/12/08
Posts: 165
Loc: USA
Thank all of you so much for all of your input and kind words! I truly appreciate it and all of you have been a God send to me and to my family! I am a very strong woman, however, this has been beyond any emotion that I could describe.It takes my breath away from the moment I open my eyes until the moment I finally do fall asleep. I have so much respect for all of you and the strength that you have for dealing with your demons! Thank God my son is letting me be affectionate with him and he LOVES his mommy's hugs!!! Take care, Didi

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Raising children who have been loaned to us for a brief moment outranks every other responsibility!

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