Newest Members
JHNebraska, mike42069, JACKL, Personman, SiegmundNYC
12490 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
kb8715 (114), rom2057 (57), terrapin (51)
Who's Online
2 registered (2 invisible), 21 Guests and 5 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12490 Members
74 Forums
64158 Topics
447703 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Topic Options
#236659 - 07/07/08 09:47 PM Survivor first. Right second.
blueshift Offline
Guest

Registered: 01/21/08
Posts: 1242
Loc: infinity
I'm hoping for this to be noninflammatory food for thought that will not incite debate or resurrect points of contention but stand alone as something for all to consider. I have issues pertaining to the role of religion in my abuse. I have pretty much decided that those issues need to be worked on with a T who is suited to the job rather than here on MS.

By "suited to the job" I mean able to go beyond his/her own beliefs and act from a standpoint of what is right for me, and recognize if need be that that might be very different from what is right for him/her. I don't think we can expect other survivors on MS ----so many of whom are only beginning to heal, to have that kind of ability. Some, I'm sure, do have it, but I don't and I know that a lot of others here don't either.

I have done my share of ranting and making enemies the best I could but having thought it over, I realized I was putting my beliefs before people.

I decided that I would rather put up with ideas I disagree with, than be unsupportive of another survivor who is reaching out for help whatever that persons beliefs.
If my beliefs are criticized, then I would rather let the criticism stand uncontested than have that person bear feelings toward me that would make me unable to support that person in times of need and/or vulnerability.

It's more important to be here, even for a person who believes I'm going straight to hell, than to be right but unable to be supportive. Supporting a person who holds ideas contrary to mine does not mean I'm supporting the ideas it just means I'm willing to put the ideas aside so that I can support the person.

This is why I don't try to deal with all of my abuse issues at MS and why I am more and more avoiding the whole spiritual forum. Not that I think everyone should do that, but I personally have recognized in myself a tendency to get negatively triggered and then lash out and I don't want that to get in the way of what I'm here for.

To any I may have offended in the past I would like to say that you are first and foremost a survivor to me and whatever our differences in beliefs, I am here to support you now. I'll argue with you when we're all recovered. \:\)

_________________________
My Story
My Art

Top
#236705 - 07/08/08 12:33 AM Re: Survivor first. Right second. [Re: blueshift]
FormerTexan Offline
Site Administrator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 09/12/04
Posts: 11177
Loc: Denver, CO
"I decided that I would rather put up with ideas I disagree with, than be unsupportive of another survivor who is reaching out for help whatever that persons beliefs."

You post some wisdom here sir, wisdom I sure appreciate. It's helping me be introspective to see how I deal with certain disagreements on the board. It may depend on the caliber of the disagreement how I react to it, but I appreciate your example.

Andy

_________________________
List of things ain't nobody got time for:

1. That


If I could meet myself as a boy...

Top
#236708 - 07/08/08 12:49 AM Re: Survivor first. Right second. [Re: FormerTexan]
AndyJB2005 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/14/06
Posts: 1245
Loc: Saint Paul, Minnesota
I, too, like your examples...

Everyone has different ideas of ways to support people and what they think and feel is right and helpful. That's the great diversity here, and it's a good thing. \:\)

I would not visit here if we were all Support-Giving Robots with form answers. Heh. \:\) Beep!

If someone doesn't like my responses, I'll refund the money they paid for it. Or like they say in 12-step: "Don't like the program? We'll refund your misery." \:\)

_________________________
Life's disappointments are harder to take when you don't know any swear words. -- Calvin (Calvin and Hobbes)

Top
#236716 - 07/08/08 03:02 AM Re: Survivor first. Right second. [Re: blueshift]
Barkabus Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/09/08
Posts: 809
Quote:
To any I may have offended in the past I would like to say that you are first and foremost a survivor to me and whatever our differences in beliefs, I am here to support you now. I'll argue with you when we're all recovered.


These are some of the most humble and healing words I've ever read on MS to date. I don't recall being offended by you, at least I don't remember...ah yes, one of my CSA effects...poor memory...or is it from killing too many brain cells from alcohol...I don't remember.

"You are first and foremost a survivor to me." This is wise counsel that I shall strive to reach and maintain. You have raised the bar on where our focus should be for one another. Despite our often polarizing differences, there is one thing that binds all of us together as kindred spirits, the first and primary reason we are all here...that is our status as SA survivors. Anything that seeks to divert our attention to things that cause strife and alienation instead of caring for one another in our recovery only aids in our re-victimization.

I'm just as opinionated as the next guy and my faith in Christ is the cornerstone of my life and I love to talk about it, but I don't want this to cause anyone to not progress in their own SA recovery. I agree with you blueshift, lets save that discussion until after we're recovered.

The unfortunate aspect of all this is that our struggle is intensely personal and we readily share these most intimate details of our lives with each other as we continue the journey of recovery. Because of this, I think it is often unavoidable for our deep seated convictions and spiritual beliefs to come up. When that does happen (and I'm speaking to myself here) I must allow another person's convictions that run counter to my own to be said without my criticizing them. I must never attack or respond in a hurtful or condescending way. None of this will further our recovery. It only facilitates discord which results in making MS seem less safe. I must confess that I have felt less safe here in recent weeks and it as caused me a great amount of distress that I didn't feel safe enough to talk about. I am trying to get past that now.

blueshift, thank you again for making this brave initiative. We are, indeed, fellow survivors and I shall endeavor to further your recovery by caring for you to the best of my ability.

Thanks again!
Mike



Edited by Barkabus (07/08/08 03:14 AM)
_________________________
My Story

Top
#236796 - 07/08/08 01:52 PM Re: Survivor first. Right second. [Re: Barkabus]
Barkabus Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/09/08
Posts: 809
Bump


Top
#236908 - 07/09/08 12:50 AM Re: Survivor first. Right second. [Re: Barkabus]
blueshift Offline
Guest

Registered: 01/21/08
Posts: 1242
Loc: infinity
Thanx guys. In a way it's sad because this board has been such a good place to deal with so many of my issues and it would be great if it was possible for me and others to deal with their feelings about religion or whatever without friction.

I think it's a hazardous road though for anyone who tries. It's no one's fault. That's just the way things are.

_________________________
My Story
My Art

Top
#236914 - 07/09/08 01:23 AM Re: Survivor first. Right second. [Re: blueshift]
1islandboy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/23/08
Posts: 862
Loc: washington
blueshift,

Have you read my latest post, "for those angry at god".

Maybe, it will bring you comfort

island

_________________________
Rise above the storm and you will find the sunshine ~ M.F. Fernandez

Top


Moderator:  ModTeam 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.