Hey guys, tonight I inadvertently sent someone to The Treehouse because I was getting a bit too close to their trigger points while chatting in the lobby. There were only three of us in chat at the time. I felt really bad about it. I wasn't getting needlessly graphic (I don't think) but this has got me wondering. Are there any guidelines on the use of the chat room when it comes to talking about our SA? Its so easy getting triggered in there. I've been triggered and have had to jump out without saying anything many times. I always feel bad when I do that because it looks rude. I don't get mad at anyone when it happens to me but I have to "take cover" sometimes. The last time I jumped into The Treehouse the guys in the lobby were so awesome. Many of them immediately PM'd me to find out if I was alright. I really needed that at that moment. It's just that I want to make sure I'm not going against policy or unwritten etiquette when I'm in chat. Including tonight, I know that I have thoughtlessly and inadvertently triggered others...makes me wonder how many times I've done it and not known. Anyways, I know that the dynamic flow of chat makes it difficult or impossible to give "Possible Triggers" warnings. Has this been discussed before? I want to help keep all of MS a safe place for us but I also want to be there for those that feel ready to talk about their SA. What are the guiding principles here?

Edit note: changed CSA to SA.

Thanks for your suggestions,
Mike

Mike,

There is always the possibility of this kind of thing happening in chat. Guys come there to talk about things in real time, after all, and there's no telling how what we say will affect others. We all get triggered by different things.

I think the important thing for everyone to realize is that when someone suddenly ditches and either leaves chat or goes to the Treehouse, he's dong exactly what he should be doing. He has been triggered somehow and he's doing what he can to regain his sense of safety and equilibrium.

But the guy who said something needn't feel guilty. It's always a good idea to ask first if you need to talk about something likely to trigger others, but we just can't predict who will be affected by what. It's nice to ask the guy who left if he's okay, or check with others to see if someone is doing that. But no one should feel guilty because they're discussing their issues. That's what the site is here for, after all.

Much love,
Larry

Mike,

I saw the conversation you speak of. I did not see it as out of the ordinary for a site geared to recovery from sexual abuse. That kind of conversation takes place routinely in the chat room. The other user took the responsibility for himself and took steps to take care of himself when triggered.

Yes, as Larry says, it's good to offer a warning, but one never knows who may be triggered by what, and in the end part of the healing process is learning to protect oneself in the event one is triggered.

Lots of love,

John