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#236546 - 07/07/08 03:09 PM Inner Child? He's really there!
LW1527 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/14/08
Posts: 408
Loc: Salt Lake City Ut
I've heard about Inner Child for some time now since I started therapy a few years for dad's boozing and beating. I refused to believe in the Inner Child and thought it was a bunch of psycho crap. But today, I woke up very angry at everything. I went to work and something stuck in my brain about seeing what the inner child has to say about things. Without thinking about it, I got in touch with me, when I was like 6 years old maybe younger. I don't know, but I felt it so strong there was no mistaking it. There really is an inner child and the anger went away and an overwhelming saddness took its place. Wow!


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#236547 - 07/07/08 03:15 PM Re: Inner Child? He's really there! [Re: LW1527]
Sans Logos Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/31/03
Posts: 5791
Loc: in my own world in pittsburgh,...
lw you are such an inspiration, watching you become aware has done so much to confirm my own recovery. what a privilege to be able to witness it.

keep sharing all the good and 'bad' stuff your are experiencing!

ron

_________________________
  1. the past
  2. ReClaiming Now
  3. advocacy


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#236548 - 07/07/08 03:15 PM Re: Inner Child? He's really there! [Re: LW1527]
frost Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/15/07
Posts: 1377
Loc: Eh?
LW,

One of the most powerful moments in recovery for me thus far was finally getting in touch with that kid inside. Totally hear what you say about the sadness thing too... I seem to recall describing the event as watching my little child 'hold back a million tears'...

Thank you for sharing your experience with us here. I have no doubt in my mind that this is this is the start of a new chapter in your life in which you will inevitably become a whole person as you recognize and validate that child that you once were (and in some ways, still are)

Good for you for taking that step,
~Brian

_________________________
Boom!

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#236549 - 07/07/08 03:20 PM Re: Inner Child? He's really there! [Re: LW1527]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6843
Loc: USA
Yes, I think that's it.

There may be several things going on.

I think the original inner child work was advocated by a wonderfully persuasive guy named John Bradshaw. He wrote various books on The Family. They aren't hard to find. He was on national TV and the videos were snapped up by avid fans. I have one of his books and listened to some tapes. Lots of therapists work this into their regimen. Some have inner child meetings. I don't know anything about these.

In my case, when my amnesia broke I was in my 40s. I clearly felt like a child. I was not used to that feeling. What is almost too weird to mention is that I had a desire for the fellowship of boys that age. (I did not act out on that). I didn't have a label on it saying "I am 12". I just felt like a kid and then I kind of had to look inward to discern the age. Then I realized that my memory system when I felt 12 included the terrible abuse I describe in pufferfish story part 5. I had to do a little work with calendars generated with my computer in order to establish the dates and ages etc. I found a few written records and it started to all fit together. I always had control of this and so I didn't really "act out" as a 12-yr-old. I did have some interesting experiences as people in a store stared at me a couple of times. My therapist urged me to not turn off these feelings. So I drove to the local shopping center feeling like a kid. I did look over and a guy in the other lane was looking at me about to pop his eyes out.

The therapists who get into DID work will look at us partitioning off due to abuse at certain ages. I think this is what happened to me. The partitioning is a lot like the chat rooms in this MS board. There are several chat rooms which cannot "see" each other. There is a virtual partition between those chat rooms. A person can go between them given the right conditions. This is DID. Once a partition comes down (when it isn't needed anymore) then it is called DIDNOS. Then it requires some reconstructive work to figure out where the partition was before.

I think other guys have experienced similar things. It is up to them to share their tails.

Puffer



Edited by pufferfish (07/07/08 04:17 PM)

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#236577 - 07/07/08 05:08 PM Re: Inner Child? He's really there! [Re: pufferfish]
LW1527 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/14/08
Posts: 408
Loc: Salt Lake City Ut
DID - this is the first I have heard anyone talk about DID here. I really am a coward and didn't say anything about it. I went to therapy for anger issues and came out with DID. Sounds insane I know. I am cringing inside when I write this. I mean, there are so many times I don't even remember my sessions, but someone does. I guess that is proof of my abuse, right? I mean, I wouldn't have DID if this didn't really happen. There are all these guys inside,last count was 14 I think, but then, as I have discovered today, there is the little blond kid, me. I want to share and talk about the little guy. It's like I want to pick him up and tell him it's okay and that no one will hurt him again. Sometimes I tell my T that I won't switch because I feel like a freak in a freakshow. He gets frustrated. This is a big risk for me talking about DID. Thanks for bringing it up. I hope we are not alone here.


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#236579 - 07/07/08 05:42 PM Re: Inner Child? He's really there! [Re: LW1527]
KENKEN Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/25/07
Posts: 762
Loc: NOTHERN COLORADO
My Inner Child is so real. It was not until I received some pic's of me when I was a child did I actually relate to my "little guy".

I always looked at my childhood as though I never had one. When My perp. left for the army, I was 14 yrs. old. That is when I thought my life began. But with the pic's I now am completely in touch with him. Yea, I can feel his pain, his sadness,his despair. I now am working to reclaim him and let him know just how much I love him and continue to tell him that he was a fighter and a warrier. If I could only today be as strong as he was when all the sexual abuse was happening.

Ken

_________________________
I AM A GOOD PERSON, I AM A GOOD MAN

From the Movie: Antwone Fisher

***WOR ALUMNI SEQUOIA MARCH 2008***

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#236583 - 07/07/08 06:06 PM Re: Inner Child? He's really there! [Re: LW1527]
frost Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/15/07
Posts: 1377
Loc: Eh?
Originally Posted By: LW1527
Sounds insane I know. I am cringing inside when I write this.


LW -- Here you are making even larger steps than the other message of yours I read this morning about coming face to face with your inner child.

Being able to talk about this means that you are reaching a level of acceptance and tolerance of yourself and who you are. That's exciting news for you.

I want you to know that to me you don't sound either insane or even moderately crazy. This is a coping mechanism of the mind and it got you through the worst parts to bring you to this point where you're at today. I don't feel it's anything to be ashamed of and am proud of you for talking about it here.

You have many exciting things in store for your future.
~Brian

_________________________
Boom!

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#236753 - 07/08/08 11:01 AM Re: Inner Child? He's really there! [Re: frost]
inthegrass33 Offline
New Here

Registered: 07/31/07
Posts: 107
"healing the child within" is a good book. i picked it up at whim at a local library. it points out most everything that happens after abuse, esp. codependency and everything that arises from ptsd. s'a good book to read.


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#236801 - 07/08/08 02:11 PM Re: Inner Child? He's really there! [Re: inthegrass33]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
LW,

So many guys start out like you did, doubting there could be any such thing as an Inner Child. But it's an amazing and powerful experience when we see how very real that little guy is. He's the kid we once were, after all, with a lot of feelings and ideas that are still with us. I think it was connecting with Little Larry that finally convinced me of my total innocence. There was no way that scared 10-year-old could have been in any way responsible for the terrible things that were done to him.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#236817 - 07/08/08 04:44 PM . [Re: roadrunner]
bardo213 Offline
Guest

Registered: 11/21/07
Posts: 811
.


Edited by bardo213 (06/21/13 04:59 PM)

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#236820 - 07/08/08 04:55 PM Re: Inner Child? He's really there! [Re: bardo213]
LW1527 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/14/08
Posts: 408
Loc: Salt Lake City Ut
Thanks guys. You've helped me very much. Today, when I started having some sort of flashbacks, I felt overwhelmed and scared. I then thought of the little boy inside me and suddenly I became strong and protective towards him and the fear went away. The big me came out to protect the little me. This is new to me, but I've really got to check into this. Thanks again guys. You are the best!!


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#236836 - 07/08/08 06:59 PM Re: Inner Child? He's really there! [Re: LW1527]
EGL Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 06/19/04
Posts: 7821
LW, this is such a major thing making this connection. And your last post above where you realize the need to protect the little guy emphasizes that all the more. I'm really glad for you for all this. Thanks for sharing it with us here.

_________________________
Eddie

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#236884 - 07/08/08 11:14 PM Re: Inner Child? He's really there! [Re: EGL]
KENKEN Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/25/07
Posts: 762
Loc: NOTHERN COLORADO
LW
I am so glad for you that you connected with your inner child. Take care of him, he needs you! I feel you will in time learn to Love that "little guy". You will never be alone again. You always have him to talk to, to hold, to relate to now that you are an adult.

Ken

_________________________
I AM A GOOD PERSON, I AM A GOOD MAN

From the Movie: Antwone Fisher

***WOR ALUMNI SEQUOIA MARCH 2008***

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#236905 - 07/09/08 12:27 AM Re: Inner Child? He's really there! [Re: bardo213]
1islandboy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/23/08
Posts: 858
Loc: washington
my Experience,

My therapist suggested I get some pictures of myself as a child, and start journaling.(So my mom gave me some pictures on her last visit)

Still, I didn't know how to get in touch with this child, or what I wanted to say. I couldn't find a book on the subject, chiefly because I didn't know where to look.

I did read, Raising Cain (subtitled: protecting the emotional well being of boys), which was a good read.

The real breakthrough for me was when I found a cassette (on the garbage pile)
it was called, The Forgotten Child Within (subtitled: discovering,nuturing and Healing your Inner Self) By Louise Hay.

After listening to that..I had no problem tapping into the little guy.

Hey kid ego,

island

_________________________
Rise above the storm and you will find the sunshine ~ M.F. Fernandez

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