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#23638 - 02/23/05 10:02 PM Another T, they fall like flies
EGL Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 06/19/04
Posts: 7821
I was supposed to have my second session with my new therapist today. "Supposed to" I say, because I didn't get to see him. My appointment was for 1:30, I arrived at 1:18. Another fellow arrived at 1:25. My T came out into the waiting room at 1:30 and took the other fellow back (there are two Ts in this practice). There was another woman in there as well, so the other T comes out and gets here. There I sit. Finally, about 1:55 I got to the counter and ask them to double check my appointment, to make sure I'm not crazy and forgetting where I'm supposed to be and when. The counter woman says I need to talk to the appointment woman at the desk over there. The appointment woman comes up, very apologetic and says my T took the wrong person back (apparently the guy he took was really early). So, I said I would have to reschedule and would call them back. But I won't. I know I won't. Feeling invisible again was not a good feeling. Had enough of that as a kid. I probably don't need it any more anyway. Just wanted to rant.

_________________________
Eddie

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#23639 - 02/23/05 10:47 PM Re: Another T, they fall like flies
reality2k4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 6838
Loc: Stuck between water, air, and ...
Eddie, I know what you are talking about. Your T should have known it was you who had the next appointment, rescheduling is out of the question.

The T is not good as he/she should know the effect it can have on a survivor.

It is ignorant to treat you that way as though they don't really want to see you, or you are too problematic.

I myself turn the other cheek to a lot of things that people do, but that is just sheer ignorance.

The other thing to think about here is, we are not so good at complaining about how we are treated, because we don't know the right and wrong way of being treated.

Hope you find the right T for you,

take care,

ste

_________________________
Whoever stole the Sun, put it back and we'll drop all the charges!

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#23640 - 02/23/05 11:44 PM Re: Another T, they fall like flies
Curtis St. John Offline
Past President
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 01/20/04
Posts: 1796
Loc: Westchester, N.Y.
This person's stupidity had nothing to do with you. You should start looking for another therapist becasue you won't recover without one.

My wife and I went to see a counsler once and knew it was time to move on when he said to her, "So this is your son?"

Don't let someone else's ignorance keep you from getting what you need. Look at it like this, be glad you found out now rather than later that this wasn't the therapist for you.


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#23641 - 02/23/05 11:49 PM Re: Another T, they fall like flies
Marc Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/25/03
Posts: 256
Loc: Tucson, AZ
Hi Eddie, I'm Marc. My opinion is...

  • Good Observation
  • Right Thinking And Reaction
  • Don't Get Distracted Or Make Excuses


Go get the help you want and know that you are worthy of. I can't TELL you of my interactions with the handful of therapists I've experienced in my lifetime. I can tell you this though...

My last therapist I fired four times \:D (How's that for a wake-up call?) My most recent therapist for the first time ever is a woman and for once I can honestly say, it's been a different experience and not all perfect, but thus far never bad. You are the most important thing in any P/T relationship. This T may have had an off day but when it comes to something as serious as mental health, I find it very hard to excuse that level of behavior.

Go Get What You Need! Not what someone else has the attention span for. If it's that bad he should be on Strattera! \:D

Peace & Love Yourself


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#23642 - 02/24/05 12:09 AM Re: Another T, they fall like flies
reality2k4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 6838
Loc: Stuck between water, air, and ...
I think that a therapist who wants to really know you is worth more than anything in the World.

Not just anothere paycheck,

ste

_________________________
Whoever stole the Sun, put it back and we'll drop all the charges!

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#23643 - 02/24/05 02:05 AM Re: Another T, they fall like flies
EGL Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 06/19/04
Posts: 7821
Thanks for understanding. I feel like maybe I'm just overreacting, but when I walked out of the office and was walking down the hallway, I just had tears in my eyes. It was all those same feelings from childhood - I'm invisible, no one cares, I'm insigificant, etc., etc....Maybe I was just stressed by that point and that was playing on me too.

_________________________
Eddie

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#23644 - 02/24/05 04:24 AM Re: Another T, they fall like flies
Marc Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/25/03
Posts: 256
Loc: Tucson, AZ
Quote:
I feel like maybe I'm just overreacting, but when I walked out of the office and was walking down the hallway, I just had tears in my eyes.
Nope, not overreacting. You're allowed to feel guy. I'd have responded the exact same way. Often, we second guess our emotions because we learned to not trust our response. We dehumanize ourselves because we try to control our emotions when what we need to learn is that it is the response which needs controlled, (which you did) NOT the emotion itself. This is esp. common in societies and constructs which undervalue females. But your emotion and your response were right on target considering your history. Overreacting would have been if you slammed a chair into the T's face afterwards or apologized for coming at the wrong time (when you didn't but you took the blame anyway.). There's a broad spectrum of reaction possibilities between these two examples that are very viable and appropriate, including crying and feeling undervalued.


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#23645 - 02/24/05 05:12 AM Re: Another T, they fall like flies
ShyBear Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/08/05
Posts: 149
Loc: The American South
EGL,

Oh my god, I know how much that hurt - I'm really familiar with that being invisible - "if they can't see me then they can't hurt me" - trouble is, if they can't see me, those that would gladly care for me (either professionally or personally) will never know I'm in pain and need them - and the true jerks will continue to ignore me & my needs. I guess most people tend to fall into a habitial state of being concerned about themselves & their own stuff - that's ok IF they are also willing to step out of that & pay attention to someone else when appropriate.

And I fall into my own pattern,too - invisibility is "safe" - and I've harmed myself and others that I care about because I hide *so* easily, and will do it automatically & unconciously when I've gotten triggered.

Then, of course - I have to learn that I AM GOOD ENOUGH, that I AM STRONG ENOUGH, that I AM WORTH MY OWN CARE - and learn it again & again & again because I keep forgetting it because the hurt part of me believes that I'm worthless, weak and don't deserve any care at all.

Consider writing that therapist a letter telling him that you have fired him and why; perhaps even complain to the state licensing board, or something like that. Maybe it's not fair to suggest it to you when I've been too chicken-shit to write a similar letter about a really obnoxious store manager that gave me a lot of grief one night - but I still think it's a good idea. Assholes like your therapist should reap the consequences of their negligent behavior.

OK, now I need to vent because I am angry at that T for your hurt ...

That fucking ASSHOLE is being PAID to pay attention - and he cannot remember who you are on a 2nd visit ??!?!?! What a fucking JERK - utterly un-professional and I think you are good to be rid of him. In fact, I'd DEMAND a refund of your first fee.


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#23646 - 02/24/05 02:55 PM Re: Another T, they fall like flies
Bobby Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/01/04
Posts: 1287
Loc: Arizona
EGL, I'm a singer and my favorite song to sing right now is "Cellophane" from Chicago. For some reason, it speaks to me and, everytime I sing it I know I'm talking about how bad it hurts and that no one sees the person I really am. I think the song says it all.

I would have been devastated. But don't stop. Find another t. It's so important. When I was young and just dealing with my homosexuality (didn't know I'd been SA yet), on my second visit to a t he opened our session by saying, "So, you want to suck cocks, huh?" I almost didn't recover from that. Thank goodness I had a loving and supportive wife who talked me into seeing a different t, or I would never tried therapy again.
I believe so strongly in it. My heart sank as I read what happened to you. I know how I would have felt. But don't give up.....please. Bobby

_________________________
I'm healing now, and I wasn't sure I would.




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#23647 - 02/25/05 01:33 AM Re: Another T, they fall like flies
onlyakid Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/31/04
Posts: 1552
Loc: New Jersey
As for EGLs situation, taking the wrong person was very big mistake and it does show that this guy isn't the right T for you. Also the appointment women should have reschduled you right then and there and if she couldn't she should be the one calling you not the other way around. Something tells me that its the appointment women who screwed up and not the doctor, the person who he took probably had a 1:30 appointment as well and she screwed up the appointment. Either way, its probably best to get a new T.

**edited because I made a comment I shouldn't have**

_________________________
"Being with people that understand you...Priceless"

"and i don't want the world to see me, cause i don't think that they'd understand"

"You don't know what love is...you just do as your told"

"My life has changed. What you take as a simple thing, is not so simple for me anymore"


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