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#236785 - 07/08/08 12:49 PM Re: Just so alone [Re: usmc97]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
usmc97,

Just a note to let you know that you are heard. I'm sorry things continue to be so rough for you.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#236854 - 07/08/08 09:00 PM Re: Just so alone [Re: roadrunner]
EGL Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 06/19/04
Posts: 7821
usmc97 - I hope things are getting better for you. I can see the pain in your post and know it must hurt. Talk some more about it when you can, I think it helps.

_________________________
Eddie

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#237682 - 07/12/08 02:17 PM Re: Just so alone [Re: EGL]
usmc97 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 08/02/05
Posts: 437
Loc: Colorado
Things have never gotten better for me, the things that help even carry me through what I have to go through are rarely available. Therapy and meds haven't changed one thing about it in all the years that I've been like this. The only thing I got is a lot of knowledge about things that help other people. Not relating on here or anywhere else re-inforces a lot of bad things but somehow I'm supposed to overlook that too. Either I don't exist or I'm imaginary because I don't fit in anywhere, anything I try to explain is manipulated to be something else. I don't have the privilage to have many choices in life but the majority says that's impossible, that what I have to go through is impossible. I don't have the options to think happy thoughts or get passed things. It's here, now, this moment, literal. How do you deal with that?

_________________________
Semper Fi

The statistics? 1 in 4, 1 in 6?
...then there's me the imaginary number

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#237885 - 07/13/08 02:57 PM Re: Just so alone [Re: usmc97]
endlessjourney Offline
Member

Registered: 11/01/05
Posts: 518
Loc: Cincinnati Ohio
How do you deal with that? Time will tell. Probably not the answer you're looking for but internal healing is a learning experience. You'll reach conclusions and truths that will set you free as time goes on. I wish we had a map for this but we don't. Life will throw things our way and we have to live through them the best we can. As we go, we learn a few tricks though. We become stronger, smarter, and more experienced in our lives (being CSA survivors). You're on the right path. Things will get better in time.

Jason

_________________________
Truth is the very reason we strive to live. It surrounds and resides within us. Accepting the truths we already know and seeking out those we do not is a direct path to inner balance and joy. For life is not a means to an end, but a journey. Life comes and goes but the truth will always live on.

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#237893 - 07/13/08 03:17 PM Re: Just so alone [Re: endlessjourney]
KENKEN Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/25/07
Posts: 762
Loc: NOTHERN COLORADO
Kevin,
I hear you and I do understand when you say you feel imaginary because you don't fit in anywhere. I am confused though when you say you don't have the options to think happy thoughts.

I know in my feeble mind I have the ability to chose right from wrong, good from bad, happy thoughts from sad thoughts. My concentration though is sometimes only for a moment or two. Seems sometimes when I read other posts I can pick up a few words or phrases that make sense to me, that are helpful to me.

All I can say is that time does heal wounds and scars. And we all seem to have an abundance of time.

Ken

_________________________
I AM A GOOD PERSON, I AM A GOOD MAN

From the Movie: Antwone Fisher

***WOR ALUMNI SEQUOIA MARCH 2008***

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#238025 - 07/14/08 12:57 AM Re: Just so alone [Re: KENKEN]
usmc97 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 08/02/05
Posts: 437
Loc: Colorado
I don't rate internal healing, my external don't heal either. I'm getting "hurt" right now and feel like hardly anybody hears what I'm saying. I'm not dealing with the past as much as I'm getting harmed by the present torture. It's worse than what happened in the past. It happens more often. I'm seen just as a guy with some "issues from the past"... NO, it's right now. It's not normal stuff.

_________________________
Semper Fi

The statistics? 1 in 4, 1 in 6?
...then there's me the imaginary number

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#238096 - 07/14/08 01:53 PM Re: Just so alone [Re: usmc97]
LW1527 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/14/08
Posts: 408
Loc: Salt Lake City Ut
I came here in May. I quit twice. When I came back, everything was different. I was ready for tough reality. I don't think there's anyone here that can claim to "fix" you. That's not our job. We are here for each other, brothers in this horrible journey that we all take together. You are not alone, even if you feel you are. Please risk and believe it. If I can believe it, you can too.


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#238106 - 07/14/08 02:26 PM Re: Just so alone [Re: LW1527]
usmc97 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 08/02/05
Posts: 437
Loc: Colorado
I post when I get frustrated, everybody on the site is on a path to healing and it's like I only get to see everybody pass me by as I watch them heal. I don't expect anyone to know how to "fix" me, some think they can and get offended when I've already exhausted their ideas or that it does nothing. I don't hardly relate when it comes down to what I have to go through. I've been on this site since '01 or '02, it's hard to get left behind. There is nothing that I have not done in order to be okay again. I just don't ever get better and nothing explains the ways that I'm hurt.


_________________________
Semper Fi

The statistics? 1 in 4, 1 in 6?
...then there's me the imaginary number

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#238125 - 07/14/08 04:39 PM Re: Just so alone [Re: usmc97]
LW1527 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/14/08
Posts: 408
Loc: Salt Lake City Ut
I had a lot of body memory resulting in physical pain from beating to touching to penetrating. This is normal. It sure sounds like you have a severe case of PTSD and should get some professional help fast. When I went to the trauma clinic a year ago and took their PTSD and whatever tests, they couldn't believe I was functioning because the score was so high. This is something you cannot do on your own. There's good help out there. There is a good life out there too, but you're going to have to go through the crap to get to it. Really, you're not alone.


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#238127 - 07/14/08 04:44 PM Re: Just so alone [Re: LW1527]
testingWaters Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/19/06
Posts: 508
I feel the same very often USMC97. About watching others pass through. But we each have our own bag. And for some of us it will take longer. And that's alright. I'm here and I am reading your posts and glad you are with me. Best, TW


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